A Satirical, Tongue-In-Cheek Look At The Arts, Media, Pop Culture & News
I love this stuff that falls from above As light as air and as white as a dove It covers the house, the car, the ground Without so much as making a sound I love this cold stuff, I'm such a fan I can mould it to make a chubby little man I can turn … Continue reading Snow Delay: A British Christmas Tradition
It's obvious that Michael Whitehall isn't Jack Whitehall's real father; a Conservative supporter in his late 40s couldn't sire a child for goodness sake! It's a well known fact that aside from their haughtiness, Conservative supporters' testes are too wizened from all their pent-up aggression. Jack therefore, did not emanate from Mike's urinary meatus, no, … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Jack Whitehall And John Quayle
You can't keep the truth buried for long folks! We're almost, nearly, sort of, certain that there's a Top Secret Celebrity Clone Lab somewhere in the Queen Charlotte's And Chelsea Hospital in Hammersmith, London. Why do we think that? Well, this is where two of the most famous Hammersmith celebrities were created... or as the … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Imogen Poots And Helen Mirren
Did you know that celebrations are held all over the world in November? For example... In Thailand they have a lantern festival where they release thousands of colourful candle-lit lanterns into the sky and along the river as a homage to Buddha. In India they have a festival of light, when houses, shops and public … Continue reading Remember Remember What We Do In November
This week in our Incredible Casting Crew segment is Beyond The Starship, a semi-fictionalised movie about Richard D. Hall, presenter of Richplanet. Keanu Reeves plays the lead role of Rich Hall; he investigates UFO sightings, fabricated terrorism including 9/11, as well as mind control, and hidden history. The problem is, these "conspiracies" are all linked … Continue reading The Incredible Casting Crew: Keanu Reeves As Richard D. Hall
Did you know that Anita Ward's disco hit "Ring My Bell" is incorrectly titled? If you listen closely, you'll realise that this song is from the perspective of a sexually frustrated Bell Telephone Company operator. Upon receiving a call, the operator begins to flirt with her customer: “I'm glad you're home, now did you really … Continue reading Behind The Lyrics: Ring My Bell By Anita Ward
Operation Yellowhammer, a contingency plan subtitled “Reasonable Worst Case Planning Assumptions”, has been cooked-up by the government in case of a "No Deal" Brexit. If that occurs, the folks in charge predict there'll be medication shortages, food supply problems, and protests in the streets. Operation Yellowhammer, if you didn't know, involves 90's “rapper” MC Hammer … Continue reading Operation Yellowhammer: Please Hammer Don’t Hurt ‘Em
Blackpool-born Jenna Coleman is most famous for her work in northern soap opera Emmerdale but what many don't know is that a few years before being cast as Jasmine Thomas, her DNA was sampled and placed in some liquid nitrogen that was cleverly hidden in a jar of Coleman's Mustard. Coleman's genes were supposed to … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Isabela Moner And Jenna Coleman
Francis Ford Coppola has been messing with his movies over the last decade or so, needlessly lengthening films such as Apocalypse Now and The Outsiders. Whether he's ruined his own films by re-editing them or not (and he has) the fact that he doesn't mind fiddling with his own creations surely means that my idea … Continue reading An Offer You Can’t Refuse: A Tropicana Sanguinello Advertising Idea
It's not true what they say: Chris Pine isn't the son of actors Robert Pine and Gwynne Gilford, oh no, he's a hybridised clone! For proof, we ask you to look at Pine's Leonardo DiCaprio-esque eyes and his Brian Thompson-esque jaw, he's so obviously an amalgamation of the two actors. One day during a power … Continue reading Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Chris Pine
Hi there! I was listening to some music in the summer heat and I remembered the time when everyone said that Michael Jackson was Bad. These unfounded accusations went on and on and there were millions of people shouting the same thing. They were chasing Michael down the street screaming and crying whilst his chauffeur … Continue reading Review Rewind: Bad By Michael Jackson
In the good old days when I was just a lad You could say what you wanted, oh, the fun that we had! Now everything I say is “wrong”, what I do is "bad" Can't say or do anything, it's P.C. gone mad There's nowt wrong with me saying “coloured” or “queer” But now it's … Continue reading Can’t Say Or Do Anything Any More: It’s Political Correctness Gone Mad!
Here's my idea for an an advert promoting Grillz. “Grills” I hear you say, like George Foreman? Of course not silly, I'm referring to Grillz spelled with a "z", you know, the gold teeth that used to look cool back in the '90s but now they're corny as f... well, never mind who wears what … Continue reading All Work And No Pay Makes Jack’s Bling Dull Bwoy: A Grillz Advertising Idea
The song “Ritual” isn't about a ritual at all, no, it's all about how a relationship can be paradoxically both fulfilling and demanding or rewarding and punishing. The writers chose wool to be the metaphor for love (and your lover) because it's both warming and irritating. Just listen to the chorus once more, Rita Ora … Continue reading Behind The Lyrics: Ritual By Tiësto, Jonas Blue And Rita Ora
Here at Oddball Times we don't sit on our laurels. We've created another brand-spanking new segment for you to enjoy called "The Incredible Casting Crew". In this section, we will prove to Hollywood that we're the world's greatest casting directors (and the best Photoshoppers on the planet)! Our first pitch to the film industry is … Continue reading The Incredible Casting Crew: Bella Thorne In A Tiffany Darwish Biopic
Remember when Donald Trump said he could stand on New York’s Fifth Avenue and “shoot somebody” and still not lose any voters? Unfortunately this is true. The Teflon Don can pretty much do and say whatever he wants without any repercussions. No matter how many times he lies and cheats Trump never ever faces justice, … Continue reading No Justice, No Hairpiece: A Subliminal Image Of Donald Trump At The Department Of Justice
Over the years, The Celebrity Clone Lab have created 26 clones of Rock Hudson, the first was code-named “Rock-A” and the last one “Rock-Z”. It was however, the 25th clone “Rock-Y” that was the most successful and he also made it as a Hollywood actor. Given his success, Rock-Y was then nicknamed “Sylvester The Clone” … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Sylvester Stallone And Rock Hudson
So folks, I have a treat for you all because I'm reviewing a two Grammy, three American Music Award, one Brit, one Oscar winner that went Platinum 13 times... Purple Rain by Prince And The Revolution (because making bell bottom trousers and high heels look sexy on a man was quite revolutionary). The first song, … Continue reading Review Rewind: Purple Rain By Prince
Ahhh... get out your strawberries and cream folks, it's Tennis season!
This week in the Celebrity Clone Lab is Rochelle Humes, who if you don't already know, is the clone of Donna Summer, just look at the resemblance! In 1988, Donna Summer came to the UK to make an album with Stock, Aitken, and Waterman. During the recording of Another Place In Time, Summer's DNA was … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Rochelle Humes And Donna Summer
Choices, choices... who will become leader?
Hello folks, its me again. This time I've found a great new band called Genesis. Judging by the group's name I think they're a Christian outfit. I'm reviewing a little known album by them called "Invisible Touch" which also happens to be the title of the first song. It's a real toe tapper. It's about … Continue reading Review Rewind: Invisible Touch By Genesis
Peter Bull never could decide which profession to focus on: he was an actor, a Lieutenant-Commander in the Royal Navy, a shopkeeper, and a writer. Leap-frogging from one job to another, the one thing Bull always wanted to do was learn how to mime. So in 1984, he faked his death and honed his craft … Continue reading Pokémon Detective Pikachu: A Load Of Bull
I recently subscribed to Spotify and of course I want to get my money's worth. So my genius idea is to start an album review section here at Oddball Times for the most unusual, unheard and underground music. So hold onto your ears folks and here goes... This month I came across an album called … Continue reading Review Rewind: Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band By The Beatles
It's not Lil Kim... it's not Nas... and it's not DMX... no, it's Lil Nas X in this week's Behind The Lyrics segment... yeah! Lil Nas X's ditty "Old Town Road" has been a huge success but did you know that the song title is incorrect? That's right, this title was used to cover up … Continue reading Behind The Lyrics: Old Town Road By Lil Nas X
Way before Amazon existed, there was a mail order store called Congo owned and operated by the Celebrity Clone Lab who were located in a classified rainforest laboratory at the time. In the Congo, there was a fantastic gene recommendation system which was developed to sort all the celeb clones and if you know where … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Jeff Bezos And Peter Safran
After hearing the news that the old Emperor would be abdicating and the new Emperor would be succeeding him in May, I went half way across the globe to see the preparations for the great ceremony. I'll be honest with you, I wasn't keen on the last Emperor, what with the double life, the destroying … Continue reading A New Emperor: News From The Imperial Palace
I made a trip up North and drove to Paisley in Scotland this week. I was looking forward to seeing the colourful people, the see-saw and the pier that I'd heard so much about. To my disappointment, I found Robertson Park, Kelvingrove Park, Barshaw Park, and although they were all very lovely they weren't what … Continue reading Prince: Telling Little Purple Lies
This week in our ever-popular Behind The Lyrics segment is Elton John's song "Tiny Dancer" from his 1971 album Madman Across The Water. The '70s were of course a time for drug taking and music making and the genesis of this song isn't any different. Everybody knows that cocaine was Elton John's favourite substance back … Continue reading Behind The Lyrics: Tiny Dancer By Elton John
Today in the Celebrity Clone Lab is screenwriter and writer Jeremy Dyson. If you don't know, he's the clone of serial killer Peter Sutcliffe! You simply need to look at the pair's thick, black, wavy hair to see that they are genetically linked but if you want more evidence we have it here... Before being … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Peter Sutcliffe And Jeremy Dyson
I've come up with another great idea for an advert! This one's for Gorilla Tape, an adhesive tape manufactured by Gorilla Glue Inc. The concept of my ad is simple; ever noticed how serial killers, rapists, kidnappers and other assorted wrongdoers always use Duck Tape to tie-up their victims? Whether it's in the news or … Continue reading In A Sticky Situation: Gorilla Tape Advertising Idea
“Needed Time” is a very unique song by R&B singer YXNG Bane. The song, which is an ode to all things doughy, is from the perspective of a pâtissier. If you've ever baked yourself, you'll know that sometimes your cake batter can split and YXNG Bane tackles this subject without any fear. The track features … Continue reading Behind The Lyrics: Needed Time By YXNG Bane
Leslie Parrish, who starred in the original Manchurian Candidate was made by splicing the genes of Lena Heady and Margot Robbie. I bet you didn't know that! Quite unexpectedly, Leslie Parrish turned out much better than her progenitors; she was an activist and environmentalist, she fought against the Vietnam War and for civil rights, she … Continue reading Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Leslie Parrish
