The Inner Workings Of A Designer’s Mind: My Eggs Have Scrambled
It’s great being an out of work graphic designer. You’re free to create designs nobody asked for as you cry into your egg yolk-stained onesie. Speaking of eggs, here’s an advert for some posh chicken period ovoids I found in the shop. They’re called “Clarence Court’s Burford Browns”, but that name just reminded me of Buford Tannen, Doc Brown, and the Hill Valley Courthouse because … Continue reading The Inner Workings Of A Designer’s Mind: My Eggs Have Scrambled
Behind The Lyrics: Touch Me By 49ers
The 49ers sampled Aretha Franklin in their 1990 hit “Touch Me” and boy was that an unforgettable lyric! Aretha sang “Peter Pan in his hand” which was a reference to the Lost Boys mutually masturbating each other. Peter then shouts “Come on and touch me!”, presumably because Tootles, Nibs, Slightly and Curly are so good at giving hand-jobs. This scene must have been from J. … Continue reading Behind The Lyrics: Touch Me By 49ers
The Secret About The Secret Garden: Dixie Egerickx Is Tom Allen In Disguise
Tom Allen, though popular on television, has never really “made it” in the movies. After appearing in bit parts over the years, Tom has finally bagged a lead role! … Continue reading The Secret About The Secret Garden: Dixie Egerickx Is Tom Allen In Disguise
Tales From The Creepy COVID Crypt: A 2020 Halloween Special
What will you be doing this Halloween? You can’t go out with your 5 friends to trick or treat your neighbours, unless you live in a group home. You’ll have to go on your own or walk 2 metres away from your friend like a depressing zombie movie. At least you can throw toilet rolls and eggs at your neighbours, but they will probably open … Continue reading Tales From The Creepy COVID Crypt: A 2020 Halloween Special
Celebrity Clone Lab: Steve Wozniak And Sergio Calderón
One thing you’ll never hear at an Apple Event is how the company is secretly involved in cloning. It’s obvious to most people that Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak is a clone of actor Sergio Calderón and yet nobody, not even current CEO Tim Cook (who, by the way is also a clone) will ever mention it on stage. This is very strange because Apple has … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Steve Wozniak And Sergio Calderón
What The Book?: To Kill A Mockingbird By Harper Lee Book Cover Design
Why on earth would book publishers reject this brilliant cover artwork? Continue reading What The Book?: To Kill A Mockingbird By Harper Lee Book Cover Design
The Incredible Casting Crew: Daniel Radcliffe As John Lennon
This week in our Incredible Casting Crew segment is a movie called “Some Time In New York”. This film is all about the last days of John Lennon’s life but there’s an added twist: there’s a love triangle between John (played by Daniel Radcliffe) his wife Yoko Ono (played by Rinko Kikuchi) and John’s assassin Mark Chapman (played by K. Trevor Wilson). Audience members will … Continue reading The Incredible Casting Crew: Daniel Radcliffe As John Lennon
Travelling Around Boston: A Poetic Tour
Oh, how I reminisce of my trip to Boston, recollecting the sights and sounds of the city… Continue reading Travelling Around Boston: A Poetic Tour
Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Abby McEnany
There’s a team of geneticists, working in partnership with the Central Intelligence Agency and New York Presbyterian/Weill Cornell Medicine who travel between Virginia and New York in a nut-powered underground monorail. How do we know all this? Because Anderson Cooper was an intern at the C.I.A. and Dr. Anthony Fauci interned at the New York Hospital-Cornell Medical Center. This pair’s DNA went on to create … Continue reading Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Abby McEnany
What The Book?: Moby-Dick By Herman Melville Book Cover Design
Why on earth would book publishers reject this brilliant cover artwork? Continue reading What The Book?: Moby-Dick By Herman Melville Book Cover Design
Celebrity Clone Lab: Jim Van Bebber And Michael Cohen
A little known fact is that most geneticists are fans and collectors of micro-budget 80’s action movies. We’re not talking Chuck Norris or Michael Dudikoff, oh no, these scientists have a very niche taste, and it can only be fulfilled with the cheapest, most underground films. This fanaticism sometimes leaks into their work. Proof of this comes when you see disgraced lawyer Michael Cohen; he … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Jim Van Bebber And Michael Cohen
The Incredible Casting Crew: Mia Wasikowska As Greta Thunberg
This week in our Incredible Casting Crew segment is a film about Greta Thunberg starring Mia Wasikowska. Instead of your bog-standard biopic, our movie will be a Jason Bourne-style action thriller with Greta … Continue reading The Incredible Casting Crew: Mia Wasikowska As Greta Thunberg
He’s Flush: The Source Of Rishi Sunak’s Investments
It’s a five hour drive from Stanford to Glendale, a trip that Rishi Sunak once took whilst attending Stanford University in California. In 2006 just before graduating, he was spotted lurking around outside Dreamworks Animation in Glendale and was immediately cast in Flushed Away as the lead upper class rat “Roddy”. Influenced by his role and clutching a cheque from Aardman, Rishi moved into a … Continue reading He’s Flush: The Source Of Rishi Sunak’s Investments
Behind The Lyrics: Trouble By Offaiah
“Trouble” by Offiah is a song about someone suffering from sexual addiction who is uncontrollably fixated on the posterior of x-rated social media models. The sick person sings … Continue reading Behind The Lyrics: Trouble By Offaiah
Celebrity Clone Lab: Diplo And David Bromstad
In case you didn’t realise, DJ and producer Diplo aka Thomas Wesley Pentz is the clone of designer and television personality David Reed Bromstad. In the 1970’s, the Celebrity Clone Lab had three laboratories located in Florida; one in Sarasota County, one in Orange County and one in Miami-Dade. We have no idea which lab created which celebrity but the fact that Diplo attended the … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Diplo And David Bromstad
Behind The Lyrics: First Time By M-22 And Medina
“First Time” by M-22 and Medina is a very unique pop song because the lyrics involve D.I.Y., a topic seldom found in the charts. The track is from the perspective of a couple, one a seasoned renovator and one who’s never undertaken any home improvements. After restoring their old fireplace surround, the newbie becomes hooked on D.I.Y. and sings… “You, got me feeling something it’s … Continue reading Behind The Lyrics: First Time By M-22 And Medina
Coronavirus Contradictions: Compulsory Masks Meet Compulsive Buyers
Covid-forbid you don’t have a smartphone or television. If you’re a technophobe who purchases goods in physical stores, you’ll probably be unaware that on July 24th, face masks will become mandatory in … Continue reading Coronavirus Contradictions: Compulsory Masks Meet Compulsive Buyers
Celebrity Clone Lab: Greta Thunberg And Stephen Merchant
At 6.7 miles high, Stephen James Merchant is the first to feel the effects of air pollution. Stephen Merchant is so tall in fact, that he can personally observe the hole in the ozone layer! Fearing that rising greenhouse gas emissions may adversely effect Merchant’s nostrils and eventually his noggin, the Celebrity Clone Lab took a sample of his DNA during the writing of the … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Greta Thunberg And Stephen Merchant
Like White On Rice: My Idea For A Tilda Rice Advert
It’s not just my mate, my mucker, mi old fella mi lad B.I./O.S. who comes up with adverts, I have a marvelous idea for an ad too! This one features actor Tilda Swinton, who thanks to her name, can advertise either Tilda Rice or Swinton Insurance. I assume that since Tilda Swinton played an Asian comic book hero named “The Ancient One” in Marvel’s Doctor … Continue reading Like White On Rice: My Idea For A Tilda Rice Advert
Behind The Lyrics: Feel My Needs (Turn Around) By Weiss
“Feel My Needs”, we’re sure you’ll agree, is a very unique song. The track is all about someone visiting an orthopaedic specialist because they think something’s wrong… with their knees of course. The doctor however, sees an issue in the popliteal fossa (the back of the knees). Listen to the song once more and you’ll hear the patient say “feel my knees” to which the … Continue reading Behind The Lyrics: Feel My Needs (Turn Around) By Weiss
Celebrity Clone Lab: Tucker Carlson And Ed Conway
This week in the Celebrity Clone Lab is Fox News talk show host Tucker Carlson. In case you didn’t know, his clone Ed Conway works at Sky News as an Economics Editor. Tucker is a typical Fox News presenter; racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic and anti-immigration. Thank heavens that his clone Ed Conway is only concerned with the colour of your money. Both were incubated in … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Tucker Carlson And Ed Conway
Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Scott Wolf
What do you get if you splice 1 Fox with Mapother to the power of 4? Continue reading Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Scott Wolf
Celebrity Clone Lab: Jess Conrad And Tom Cruise
In 1961, Jess Conrad went through an existential crisis and this was exhibited in his song “Why Am I Living?”. It was during this time that his DNA was swabbed so a more reliable clone could be created, a clone who was “born” in 1962. Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Jess Conrad And Tom Cruise
Track Marks: Exclusive Tracklist For Upcoming 6ix9ine Album
Here’s another exclusive for you all: the tracklist for 6ix9ine’s upcoming album! OMGz fam, you won’t find this kind of information anywhere else on the internet … Continue reading Track Marks: Exclusive Tracklist For Upcoming 6ix9ine Album
Behind The Lyrics: Freed From Desire By Gala
Gala’s 1996 pop song “Freed From Desire” was a big hit but many people, still to this day, are confused by its meaning. In case you don’t remember it, let us refresh your memory. The chorus contained these catchy lyrics: “My lover’s got no money, he’s got his Trumbalese”. But what’s a Trumbalese we hear you ask? Well The Trumbalese (sometimes misspelled Trombolyse) was a … Continue reading Behind The Lyrics: Freed From Desire By Gala
The Key Cutting Caper: How Key Workers Ruined My Pandemic Pilferage
Having read the government’s statement about certain people being asked to continue working whilst the rest of us stay at home (due to this pesky joint US/Chinese lab-rat-bat virus pandemic) I felt very happy. Without divulging my methods, I recently “happened upon” my neighbour’s shed key in order to “borrow” his lawnmower and so I used my one-hour allocated exercise period to take it to … Continue reading The Key Cutting Caper: How Key Workers Ruined My Pandemic Pilferage
Sky Witness, No Surrender: A Review Of The Bone Collector
I don’t know about you, but I’m not impressed with the TV series Lincoln Rhyme: Hunt For The Bone Collector, in fact it’s not much better than the 1999 Denzel Washington film. The problems with the show are vast: it’s not set in St. Clair, there’s no crossroads anywhere to be seen, and there is absolutely no mention of Mr. Ouija! Yes, there’s a few … Continue reading Sky Witness, No Surrender: A Review Of The Bone Collector
Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Christopher Ciccone
In case you didn’t know, Christopher Ciccone is a hybridised clone made from the spliced genes of comedian Norm MacDonald and film-maker Quentin Tarantino. Norm MacDonald tried to alert the public that his DNA was blended with Quentin Tarantino’s on Saturday Night Live, and yet despite this obvious cry for help, it was dismissed as an “impression”. If you don’t know who Christopher Ciccone is … Continue reading Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Christopher Ciccone
The Incredible Casting Crew: John Malkovich In One Foot In The Grave Reboot
In our latest Incredible Casting Crew segment, we have another fantastic pitch to the entertainment industry. This time it’s a reboot of the classic 90’s sitcom One Foot In The Grave starring none other than John Malkovich! Picture it: a grumpy Victor Meldrew played with the same dark, monotone voice of Cyrus The Virus from Con Air or Mitch Leary from In The Line Of … Continue reading The Incredible Casting Crew: John Malkovich In One Foot In The Grave Reboot
Hogging It All: The Life Of A Hedgehog Amidst The Coronavirus Pandemic
As I do each year, I woke up to sun hitting my face. I love this time of year, the end of hibernation means I can get out and about, meet friends and enjoy the fresh air. Today I looked out and saw a wonderfully sunny day and I thought “right, that’s it, what I need right now is a stroll in the sun to … Continue reading Hogging It All: The Life Of A Hedgehog Amidst The Coronavirus Pandemic
Confusing Times For Gammon: Inadvertent Self-Hatred Amidst The Coronavirus
In this difficult time, spare a thought for all the right-wing Islamophobes out there. After railing against halal meat and burkas for two decades, gammon across the nation now find themselves in a bit of a pickle. Since traditional supermarket shelves are being emptied by panic buyers, the only place to buy food is at their local Asian mini-marts. After swallowing their pride and donning … Continue reading Confusing Times For Gammon: Inadvertent Self-Hatred Amidst The Coronavirus
We Have Our Limits: COVID-19 Panic Buying Affecting All Establishments
After a flurry of panic buying and hoarding, supermarkets across Britain have put limits into place. Tesco, Sainsbury’s and Asda have all put a three-product limit on various grocery items but what about other retailers? I haven’t heard anything on the news about Fortnum & Mason. Can I only purchase three tins of Baerii Caviar? It’s only an “entry level caviar” and at £55.00 per … Continue reading We Have Our Limits: COVID-19 Panic Buying Affecting All Establishments
Celebrity Clone Lab: The Walking Dead Edition
Pay close attention to the cast of The Walking Dead and you’ll notice that some of those folks look kinda familiar … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: The Walking Dead Edition
