A Satirical, Tongue-In-Cheek Look At The Arts, Media, Pop Culture & News
“Trouble” by Offiah is a song about someone suffering from sexual addiction who is uncontrollably fixated on the posterior of x-rated social media models. The sick person sings... “I'm facing their butthole For all of my problems These Instagram models Are nothing but trouble” Had Offaiah been obsessed with pornstar's front bottoms, the radio would … Continue reading Behind The Lyrics: Trouble By Offaiah
In case you didn't realise, DJ and producer Diplo aka Thomas Wesley Pentz is the clone of designer and television personality David Reed Bromstad. In the 1970's, the Celebrity Clone Lab had three laboratories located in Florida; one in Sarasota County, one in Orange County and one in Miami-Dade. We have no idea which lab … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Diplo And David Bromstad
"First Time" by M-22 and Medina is a very unique pop song because the lyrics involve D.I.Y., a topic seldom found in the charts. The track is from the perspective of a couple, one a seasoned renovator and one who's never undertaken any home improvements. After restoring their old fireplace surround, the newbie becomes hooked … Continue reading Behind The Lyrics: First Time By M-22 And Medina
Covid-forbid you don't have a smartphone or television. If you're a technophobe who purchases goods in physical stores, you'll probably be unaware that on July 24th, face masks will become mandatory in all UK shops. Go out on Friday for a spot of mask shopping and you'll find yourself stuck in a shopping paradox clutching … Continue reading Coronavirus Contradictions: Compulsory Masks Meet Compulsive Buyers
At 6.7 miles high, Stephen James Merchant is the first to feel the effects of air pollution. Stephen Merchant is so tall in fact, that he can personally observe the hole in the ozone layer! Fearing that rising greenhouse gas emissions may adversely effect Merchant's nostrils and eventually his noggin, the Celebrity Clone Lab took … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Greta Thunberg And Stephen Merchant
It's not just my mate, my mucker, mi old fella mi lad B.I./O.S. who comes up with adverts, I have a marvelous idea for an ad too! This one features actor Tilda Swinton, who thanks to her name, can advertise either Tilda Rice or Swinton Insurance. I assume that since Tilda Swinton played an Asian … Continue reading Like White On Rice: My Idea For A Tilda Rice Advert
"Feel My Needs", we're sure you'll agree, is a very unique song. The track is all about someone visiting an orthopaedic specialist because they think something's wrong... with their knees of course. The doctor however, sees an issue in the popliteal fossa (the back of the knees). Listen to the song once more and you'll … Continue reading Behind The Lyrics: Feel My Needs (Turn Around) By Weiss
This week in the Celebrity Clone Lab is Fox News talk show host Tucker Carlson. In case you didn't know, his clone Ed Conway works at Sky News as an Economics Editor. Tucker is a typical Fox News presenter; racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic and anti-immigration. Thank heavens that his clone Ed Conway is only concerned … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Tucker Carlson And Ed Conway
What do you get if you splice 1 Fox with Mapother to the power of 4?
In 1961, Jess Conrad went through an existential crisis and this was exhibited in his song “Why Am I Living?”. It was during this time that his DNA was swabbed so a more reliable clone could be created, a clone who was “born” in 1962.
Here's another exclusive for you all: the tracklist for 6ix9ine's upcoming album! OMGz fam, you won't find this kind of information anywhere else on the internet... 1. Googoo 2. Gaga 3. Duplo 4. Lego 5. Crappo 6. Poopoo 7. Molinabeata 8. Clowno 9. Ratso 10. OutaJailee 11. Asthma 12. Flimflam 13. Year Old 14. My … Continue reading Track Marks: Exclusive Tracklist For Upcoming 6ix9ine Album
Gala's 1996 pop song "Freed From Desire" was a big hit but many people, still to this day, are confused by its meaning. In case you don't remember it, let us refresh your memory. The chorus contained these catchy lyrics: "My lover's got no money, he's got his Trumbalese". But what's a Trumbalese we hear … Continue reading Behind The Lyrics: Freed From Desire By Gala
Having read the government's statement about certain people being asked to continue working whilst the rest of us stay at home (due to this pesky joint US/Chinese lab-rat-bat virus pandemic) I felt very happy. Without divulging my methods, I recently "happened upon" my neighbour's shed key in order to "borrow" his lawnmower and so I … Continue reading The Key Cutting Caper: How Key Workers Ruined My Pandemic Pilferage
I don't know about you, but I'm not impressed with the TV series Lincoln Rhyme: Hunt For The Bone Collector, in fact it's not much better than the 1999 Denzel Washington film. The problems with the show are vast: it's not set in St. Clair, there's no crossroads anywhere to be seen, and there is … Continue reading Sky Witness, No Surrender: A Review Of The Bone Collector
In case you didn't know, Christopher Ciccone is a hybridised clone made from the spliced genes of comedian Norm MacDonald and film-maker Quentin Tarantino. Norm MacDonald tried to alert the public that his DNA was blended with Quentin Tarantino's on Saturday Night Live, and yet despite this obvious cry for help, it was dismissed as … Continue reading Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Christopher Ciccone
In our latest Incredible Casting Crew segment, we have another fantastic pitch to the entertainment industry. This time it's a reboot of the classic 90's sitcom One Foot In The Grave starring none other than John Malkovich! Picture it: a grumpy Victor Meldrew played with the same dark, monotone voice of Cyrus The Virus from … Continue reading The Incredible Casting Crew: John Malkovich In One Foot In The Grave Reboot
As I do each year, I woke up to sun hitting my face. I love this time of year, the end of hibernation means I can get out and about, meet friends and enjoy the fresh air. Today I looked out and saw a wonderfully sunny day and I thought "right, that's it, what I … Continue reading Hogging It All: The Life Of A Hedgehog Amidst The Coronavirus Pandemic
In this difficult time, spare a thought for all the right-wing Islamophobes out there. After railing against halal meat and burkas for two decades, gammon across the nation now find themselves in a bit of a pickle. Since traditional supermarket shelves are being emptied by panic buyers, the only place to buy food is at … Continue reading Confusing Times For Gammon: Inadvertent Self-Hatred Amidst The Coronavirus
After a flurry of panic buying and hoarding, supermarkets across Britain have put limits into place. Tesco, Sainsbury's and Asda have all put a three-product limit on various grocery items but what about other retailers? I haven't heard anything on the news about Fortnum & Mason. Can I only purchase three tins of Baerii Caviar? … Continue reading We Have Our Limits: COVID-19 Panic Buying Affecting All Establishments
Pay close attention to the cast of The Walking Dead and you'll notice that some of those folks look kinda familiar. There must be a clone lab somewhere in Georgia because this show is full of them! Actor Jeffrey Dean Morgan who plays “Negan” is a clone of actor Javier Bardem... Actor Danai Gurira who … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: The Walking Dead Edition
This week I've been up and down the country testing driverless vehicles. Apparently you can hire self-driving, robotic cars from various companies so I thought I'd give a few of them a go. Oh how disappointed I was... all of the so-called "self-drive" vans I attempted to road test wouldn't follow any of my commands! … Continue reading Testing My Patience: The Problem With Autonomous Vehicles
What's better for your health? Cooking with butter or cooking with oil? Experts say that butter isn't all that bad, it contains many nutrients including Vitamin K2 (and other letter and number combinations). But I'm not here to say what health benefits there are or to tell you the smoke-point stats, I just need a … Continue reading Putting The Rape Into Rapeseed Oil And The Butt Into Butter: My Idea For An Olive Oil Advert
This week in the Celebrity Clone Lab is singer YUNGBLUD (real name Dominic Richard Harrison) and actor Fairuza Balk. Just look at the resemblance! Fairuza Balk starred in the film The Craft in which four outcast teens took part in rituals and cast various spells after becoming interested in witchcraft. Aside from the love spells … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Yungblud And Fairuza Balk
This week in the Celebrity Clone Lab is comedian Sara Pascoe and singer Sara Dallin. Just look at the pair's uncanny resemblance! After a quick DNA swab at the London College Of Fashion, Sara Dallin's cells were immediately used to produce a clone. It wasn't just Dallin's group Bananarama that was created in 1981, … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Sara Pascoe And Sara Dallin
After a couple of films in which Timothy Spall played artists J.M.W. Turner and L.S. Lowry, the question remains: will Tim play any more daubers of paint? Will he portray any more makers of assorted objet d'art? The answer is: of course he will! Spall is now set to play the mysterious graffiti artist Banksy … Continue reading Greenlit: Two More Artist Biopics Starring Timothy Spall
If you've ever thought to yourself "what happens when a clone is dropped on its head?", we have the answer! William Jackson Harper's clone Azealia Banks was dropped 212 times whist being transported from Dallas, Texas to Harlem, New York. The crucible tongs that held onto Azealia's forehead slipped multiple times due to her being … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Azealia Banks And William Jackson Harper
Remember the late '00s and early '10s when everybody from wannabe business moguls to budding reality stars were clutching a BlackBerry phone, BBM-ing each other like mad? Unfortunately, BlackBerry slowly began to fall out of favour, being replaced by an Apple like Ribena after the sugar tax. Not a lot of people know that the … Continue reading Behind The Lyrics: Blackberry Way By The Move
Gemma Collins is most definitely the clone of Goldie Hawn. I mean c'mon, when you take a gander at these two, it's obvious... they're so similar-looking that there can't be any other explanation! But what proof do you have we hear you ask? Well, we think it's quite telling that Gemma Collins before becoming a … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Gemma Collins And Goldie Hawn
After the first report in the early ‘80s, every news channel, radio station and newspaper wouldn't stop talking about it... it was something called “Aids”. During the 1980s, the public were inundated with information about it. Aids this, Aids that... Aids spread across the globe almost like a virus. It's easy to admit now, but … Continue reading Almost Like A Disease: The Outbreak Of AIDS In The ‘80s
Hello all, I'm Boris Johnson, and in this general election I ask that you disregard my past when you make your selection... I breached Commons expenses rules, I backed the Iraq War I think Tower Hamlets and Bradford want to impose sharia law I've campaigned across England, I've travelled many, many miles Looking for flag-waving … Continue reading Vote Boris Johnson! Says Boris Johnson
I love this stuff that falls from above As light as air and as white as a dove It covers the house, the car, the ground Without so much as making a sound I love this cold stuff, I'm such a fan I can mould it to make a chubby little man I can turn … Continue reading Snow Delay: A British Christmas Tradition
It's obvious that Michael Whitehall isn't Jack Whitehall's real father; a Conservative supporter in his late 40s couldn't sire a child for goodness sake! It's a well known fact that aside from their haughtiness, Conservative supporters' testes are too wizened from all their pent-up aggression. Jack therefore, did not emanate from Mike's urinary meatus, no, … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Jack Whitehall And John Quayle
You can't keep the truth buried for long folks! We're almost, nearly, sort of, certain that there's a Top Secret Celebrity Clone Lab somewhere in the Queen Charlotte's And Chelsea Hospital in Hammersmith, London. Why do we think that? Well, this is where two of the most famous Hammersmith celebrities were created... or as the … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Imogen Poots And Helen Mirren
