A cartoon of someone holding a sandwich in front of the mayo clinic

Ayo Mayo Clinic: Word On The Street Is You Got The World’s Greatest Mayonnaise

BBQ season is well and truly over but I’ll be honest with you folks, I wasn’t overwhelmed by the level of taste in the condiments on offer, in particular mayonnaise. I’ve decided that next year I’ll stun my friends by holding a BBQ with the ultimate mayo! My plan was to go to the best minds in this field and get them to prepare the … Continue reading Ayo Mayo Clinic: Word On The Street Is You Got The World’s Greatest Mayonnaise

A Porsche 911 in the Twin Towers deris after the September 11th attacks

Remembering 9/11: What Happened And Why?

Do you remember 9/11? It’s called “911” because that’s the day that four Porsche 911’s struck four US car dealerships. But do you remember the United States’ response? They declared war on BMW and Audi! They told everyone that Audi was “harbouring mechanics” and that the CEO of BMW was making “engines of mass destruction”. Even though there was no connection between Porsche, Audi, and … Continue reading Remembering 9/11: What Happened And Why?

Post Malone hiding behind a music stand. By Oddball Times

Behind The Lyrics: Motley Crew By Post Malone

Stomach cramps and pre-menstrual tension apparently aren’t a problem for Post Malone, who in his song “Motley Crew” tells us he gets “the calmest periods”. Post lets the listener into his trick to getting a light menstruation, and apparently it’s down to wearing an old-fashioned sanitary belt and resting in an up-market Las Vegas hotel whilst covered in ice cubes. Posty sings “Count up the … Continue reading Behind The Lyrics: Motley Crew By Post Malone

Liam Neeson in Taken 4 standing with a gun in front of a Porsche Taycan

Tie-In Product Idea: Taken 4 Starring Liam Neeson And The Porsche Taycan

It really amazes me how I come up with my ideas, and no, I’m not just about words sounding the same, I get excited about things sounding the same as well – it’s blooming hilarous! Today’s idea is a sequel to the Taken franchise with an all-important product tie-in, which of course has to be a Porsche Taycan. The film will be called “Taken 4: … Continue reading Tie-In Product Idea: Taken 4 Starring Liam Neeson And The Porsche Taycan

An image of a spiky green horse chestnut seed aka conker aka buckeye that looks like a Coronavirus cell

The Coronavirus Is Still Out There: We’re Not Even Safe In Our Streets!

As always, the Government is right! COVID’s everywhere… so be aware. I found one COVID virus waiting idly by a tree, probably waiting to pounce on a passer by (It’s bigger than on TV). Being an investigative reporter I had to ask it some questions. With my Mic 2 metres away and mask fully on, I asked it why it was so eager to get … Continue reading The Coronavirus Is Still Out There: We’re Not Even Safe In Our Streets!

A cartoon illustration of a bird being released but still wearing a mask

Freedom Day: Not To Be Confused With Actual Freedom

Freedom Day didn’t happen on 21st June, it was delayed until 19th July, but never mind. With a week to go, I can’t wait for all the freedom we’ll be given: Free to walk without the 2 metre restriction Free to keep my hands filthy Free to slap the helmet off a policeman Free to burgle my local bank Free to rape, kill, commit mass … Continue reading Freedom Day: Not To Be Confused With Actual Freedom

A cartoon of a Petri dish with Imogen Poots and Olly Alexander inside. By Oddball Times

Celebrity Clone Lab: Olly Alexander And Imogen Poots

I bet you didn’t know that making a clone out of a clone is relatively quick. According to the film Multiplicity it’s like photocopying a photocopy which is speedy indeed. In their Harrogate laboratory, the Celebrity Clone Lab created Olly Alexander out of the DNA of Imogen Poots who herself is a clone. Produced 13 months after Imogen, the formation of Olly was pretty quick … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Olly Alexander And Imogen Poots

A cartoon of an angry pot shouting "black"

Outdated Idioms: Pot Calling The Kettle Black

Look out folks! There’s a racist sentient cooking pot lurking about somewhere, a pot who gets off on bullying kettles. In this pot’s outdated mind, being “black” is apparently a bad thing, but wait, reports are coming in that this pot is itself black! What a nerve. So that means it’s a self-hating, sentient cooking pot who teases kettles, kettles which are mostly stainless steel … Continue reading Outdated Idioms: Pot Calling The Kettle Black

A cartoon of office cubicles with happy workers

Covid Schmovid: Getting Back To The Old Normal

Come on now, all you hesitant people, why are you all scared of getting the COVID vaccine? I’m raring to get out of my house and back to my 2 hour commute to work. I can’t wait not to tell a waiter that my salad had a hair in it and that the glass had the last customer’s lipstick on it. I’m chomping at the … Continue reading Covid Schmovid: Getting Back To The Old Normal

A poster for a George Formby musical biopic starring Russell Howard by Oddball Times

The Incredible Casting Crew: Russell Howard As George Formby

This time in our Incredible Casting Crew segment is a film called “Turned Out Nice Again”, a nine-hour, 4:3 aspect ratio, black and white musical biopic about George Formby played entirely on the ukulele. Russell Howard, who would travel chronologically and in real time through each of Formby’s films, needs to brush-up on the tiny stringed instrument so we can get this made in time … Continue reading The Incredible Casting Crew: Russell Howard As George Formby

A cartoon of a syringe going through the heads and ears of black and minority ethnic people

This Time It’ll Be Okay: Wham BAME Thank You Fam

I watched the COVID public service announcement on TV for the B.A.M.E. community eagerly. Well blow me, there’s nothing like forgetting the Tuskegee Syphilis Experiment after Beverley Knight tells us “all we have to do is just take the vaccine”. They assured us that the COVID vaccine has gone through as many “strict process and regulations as other vaccines like measles, mumps, rubella and TB”…well … Continue reading This Time It’ll Be Okay: Wham BAME Thank You Fam

Will Downing hiding behind a music stand. By Oddball Times

Behind The Lyrics: A Love Supreme By Will Downing

I bet you didn’t know that “A Love Supreme” by Will Downing is an ode to his favourite pizza; The Supreme… pepperoni, sausage, bell peppers, onions, olives… mmm, we’re surprised a song hadn’t been written about this slice of culinary heaven much earlier! Click the YouTube video below and listen to Will serenade the pizza delivery guy bringing his favourite deep pan delight, recalling all … Continue reading Behind The Lyrics: A Love Supreme By Will Downing

A cartoon of a Petri dish with Chris Farley and James Corden inside. By Oddball Times

Celebrity Clone Lab: James Corden And Chris Farley

Some people have twigged that James Corden is a clone of Chris Farley, especially when they realise Corden’s career began just when Farley died… how very convenient. What’s disappointing about this particular clone is that whether starring in a Tango advert or Gavin & Stacey, James isn’t very funny. Maybe the folk at CBS thought there’d be some residual personality left from Chris’ DNA or … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: James Corden And Chris Farley

Brenda Lee hiding behind a music stand. By Oddball Times

Behind The Lyrics: Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree By Brenda Lee

Christmas is a very stressful time; cooking the Turkey and preparing all the trimmings, and getting the timing just right so that everything is ready all at the same time. That’s probably why writer Johnny Marks and singer Brenda Lee included the lyric “later we’ll have some fucking pie!” in their Christmas song “Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree”. Take a listen to the song below … Continue reading Behind The Lyrics: Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree By Brenda Lee

Coronavirus wearing santa hats alongside oranges with cloves in them

Looking Closely At The Coronavirus: Why Christmas Rules Are So Different

After hearing the recent news about Xmas 2020 celebrations here in the UK, you might be thinking to yourself “why is the government allowing a three-house bubble during Christmas?”. Hindus, Muslims, Sikhs and Jews didn’t get to extend their “bubble” during their festivals so what’s so special about this Christian holiday? With the Coronavirus in full infectious swing, what’s going to stop our family and … Continue reading Looking Closely At The Coronavirus: Why Christmas Rules Are So Different

Christmas stockings with Coronavirus related gifts in them

Have A Merry COVID Christmas And A Happy New Vaccinated Year!

Christmas is always an exciting time and this year will be one of a kind. You’ve had a smashing year so far with five months off school. Even when you’ve had to go back, you can sit on your own instead of sharing with some dickhead your mum paired you up with when you were 2 and he’s now stuck to you like shit to … Continue reading Have A Merry COVID Christmas And A Happy New Vaccinated Year!

A mock advertisement for Buford Tannen eggs

The Inner Workings Of A Designer’s Mind: My Eggs Have Scrambled

It’s great being an out of work graphic designer. You’re free to create designs nobody asked for as you cry into your egg yolk-stained onesie. Speaking of eggs, here’s an advert for some posh chicken period ovoids I found in the shop… Continue reading The Inner Workings Of A Designer’s Mind: My Eggs Have Scrambled