Thanks to Colgate’s ever-expanding range of toothpastes, I find myself furiously brushing my teeth from around 5:00am all the way to 8:00am.

I begin brushing with Colgate Max Fresh Intense Foam because I enjoy the sensation of “intensely foamy” toothpaste. Of course I want my teeth to be healthy, so I follow this with Colgate Enamel Strength, Colgate Maximum Cavity Protection, Colgate Total Pro Gum Health, and Colgate Total Daily Repair. To make sure I’m as clean as the tiles I’m standing on, I then use some Colgate Max Fresh ActiClean. I then use some Colgate Total Deep Clean followed by some Colgate Total Healthy Clean because I can’t decide what’s better between a “deep” or a “healthy” clean.

I then move on to making sure my teeth are white, so I start by using Colgate Total Whitening. I then follow with some Colgate Max White One, Colgate Max White White & Protect, Colgate Max White Luminous, Colgate Max White Expert White, Colgate Max White Shine, and Colgate Advanced White. I then top this off with some Colgate Max White Optic to be sure of the visible whiteness.

Because I want fresh breath I then move onto Colgate Total Freshening, Colgate Fresh Gel, Colgate Max Fresh With Cooling Crystals, and Colgate Max Fresh With Mouthwash Beads. I then add some Colgate Triple Action Original Mint to the mix to get that “just-brushed” feeling.

On the odd occasion that I have sensitive teeth, I supplement this with Colgate Total Sensitive, Colgate Sensitive Multi Protection With Sensifoam, Colgate Sensitive Pro-Relief, Colgate Pro-Relief Enamel Repair, Colgate Sensitive Pro-Relief Repair & Prevent, Colgate Sensitive Pro-Relief Multi-Protection, Colgate Sensitive Pro-Relief Whitening, and Colgate Sensitive Pro-Relief Extra Strength. Thankfully I don’t have sensitivity just at the moment (phew).

During my morning regiment, I hark back to the days of having only a tube of Colgate Total in my bathroom cabinet. Those days are long gone, although I think they still sell it, it’s now called Colgate Total Original Care, and I brush with that too, just to be on the safe side.

Some people have told me to just use baking soda, apparently that’s just as good as regular toothpaste. Upon hearing that suggestion, I found some Colgate Baking Soda on the shelf and now I’ve added that to my regime.

So, after all this manic brushing, I end with some Colgate Total Proof so I can prove to myself and my wife that all the time spent in the bathroom is on tooth-care and tooth-care alone.

Thank you Colgate for making my morning so enjoyable and my trip to the supermarket so straight-forward. If you want white, healthy teeth with no tartar, no sensitivity, no cavities, fresh breath, healthy gums, and strong enamel, then you too should spend upward of £75 to get the complete Colgate range.