This week I went to Washington D.C. to meet Donald Trump. I wanted to know how he had become President and why so many people hated him.

When I got to Washington it was difficult getting an interview as there were a stream of Presidential bodyguards. I finally managed to shout my questions at a press conference but got no answer. Then a fellow journalist whispered to me, “…psst, direct your questions to the head not the hair.” Who would have thought THAT was the President!

I was really disappointed and I finally understood why he was so reviled. I simply thought that he was hated because he was unmanaged, dry and had split ends but now that I finally know who the President of the United States really is, I can only describe him to you kind reader like this; a drowning French man (In Seine), Jay-Z’s brother (Cray-Z), or to put it simply, a peanut allergy suffer’s nightmare vocation (a nut job).

I hastily gathered my belongings and got out of America quick smart, but not after being irradiated and intimately handled by two jumped-up baggage handlers who had been elevated to ad-hoc gynaecologists… “home of the free” my arse! (which by the way was also checked)