From flying a plane into a building, to ramming a truck into a crowd of people, to driving a car toward some policemen, it’s plain to see that terrorism is slowly waining from its grandiose, post-millennial spectacle. With terrorism now taking the form of a road vehicle rather than an aircraft, or a knife rather than a bomb, will international terrorism continue in this downward trend?

“Yes” say the newly formed Terrorist Warfare Analysis Think Tank. This group of researchers predict that by the year 2020, terrorism will consist of a single person riding a skateboard toward someone’s ankles whilst brandishing a staple gun.

This type of minor attack will not be the result of excessive or disproportionate laws regarding the ownership or rental of vehicles, but will instead be due to the shear ineptitude of today’s and tomorrow’s terrorists, the think tank say.

Whatever turn terrorism takes in the future, what we can be certain of is this; even when terror dwindles into being merely a thumb-tack placed on an infidel’s office chair or a banana skin being deliberately placed in a government corridor, I.S.I.S. will claim responsibility for it. “Bloody amateurs!” declares head researcher Alfred Qaeda, known to his colleagues as Al.