Oh Dairy, Dairy Me: New Breastfeeding Solidarity Laws

A cartoon image of a cow with a speech bubble telling her to cover up her teats. By Oddball Times

New legislation has come into effect today and it will affect all those people who object to women breastfeeding their babies in public places including restaurants and cafes. Starting from today, anybody who complains to members of staff about witnessing breast milk being fed to a baby will also not be allowed to order or consume anything containing milk. To make things clear; that’s no tea or coffee, no ice cream, no milkshakes, no cheesecake, no cakes, no pastries, no butter on your toast, the list goes on.

If you feel that a baby drinking milk from it’s mother’s teat is somehow offensive to your delicate sensibilities then you too should either forgo your right to milk or you must also hide somewhere to ingest your dairy products. As it is suggested to many nursing mothers, you too could go to the bathroom in order to drink your cappuccino and eat your biscotti, among the smell of urine and bleach and with the sound of flushing toilet cisterns in the background.

So next time you see a human baby drinking human breast milk from their human mother and find yourself disgusted or offended, look down at your bovine milk, double check you’re not a calf, and reassess your opinion on the issue of what’s offensive and what’s natural. The toilet’s are that-a-way.

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