I heard on the local news a few days ago that the police were having an amnesty on dangerous weapons. They said that people should anonymously surrender any weapons they own without facing any charges… brilliant! As soon as I heard this, I frantically ran around my house looking for any weaponry, and I found lots; hammers, knives, an axe, a chainsaw, a cricket bat. I gathered them all up and immediately handed them to my local police station, phew!

I’m so glad that I’ve got rid of all those vicious, savage, and hazardous weapons and relinquished them to the authorities, although my handyman business is now struggling as I no longer have any tools, plus I’ve been kicked out of my local cricket wicket team.

Then, last night my home was burgled, and those pesky bandits came tooled up! I sat there thinking of how I could defend myself, but as I sat crouching in the corner of my bedroom clutching a wooden spoon in one hand and an electric toothbrush in the other, I thought to myself, how come these burglars haven’t handed their weapons in? They must not have watched the local news.