Who’s That Fat Intruder?

A cartoon illustration of Santa Claus wearing a straight jacket. By Oddball Times

Who is that fat, white man? There’s pictures of him everywhere

He has a swag bag, a beard, and long white hair


I’ve heard he rides flying horned creatures but that’s probably a lie

They say I have to leave him a mince pie but no one can tell me why


They say he comes down chimneys and that he doesn’t need a key

I’m definitely taking precautions and phoning ADT


I wonder if he’s an escaped patient from the local mental ward?

Now I’ve got to spend another Christmas clutching my longsword


I don’t want an old overweight man dressed head to toe in red

Climbing into my house whilst I’m safe asleep in bed


I think I’ll call British Gas in the morning just in case

To brick up my fire and fit a radiator in its place

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