What My TV Told Me Today: The Health Benefits Of Alcohol

A cartoon of a drunk man lying on the floor among empty bottles by Oddball Times

Whilst watching breakfast television I’m always intrigued by their health segments and over the last few months I’ve heard quite a few health-based stories. According to scientists, red wine contains antioxidants and cider contains vitamin C. Research has also found that whiskey aids weight loss and may also help heart health. Cognac which is sometimes called “the healing drink” also benefits the heart, Tequila lowers blood sugar, and gin may help with arthritis.

So, with all that in mind, I have started to drink copious amounts of these beverages. I try to live healthily so whenever I hear about the health benefits of food and drink I listen. I want vitamins and antioxidants, I want to keep my heart healthy, and I want to ward off joint pain and diabetes. If my TV or newspaper tells me it’s good to eat or drink certain things, I’m straight out of my front door and down my local supermarket to obey these media-approved boffins.

So now I’m the healthiest I’ve ever been, at least I think I am. I’ve been drinking these magical, health elixirs for almost a month now. I’m sure they’re benefitting me health-wise, after all, the experts on TV told me they would. I may have vomited over my children and I might have blacked out a few times but who cares when you’re as healthy as this? Thank you television and print media, your recommendations are always a great help!

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