This week in the Celebrity Clone Lab it’s Josef Fritzl. If you don’t already know, he’s the clone of Donald Trump’s father Fred Trump!

Fred Trump was a carpenter and he built twenty homes in Queens, New York by 1926. Seeing this success, the Celebrity Clone Lab took a swab from Fred’s tash and cryogenically stored his DNA for later use. Then in 1935 during the lab’s relocation to Austria, they created Josef Fritzl. Trump’s DNA slightly defrosted during the journey and the laboratory suspects that this is the reason Fritzl was much less successful in his carpentry endeavours. By 1984 Josef had only extended his basement, which although somewhat impressive, it was nothing like Fred Trump’s building portfolio.

The Celebrity Clone Lab acknowledges that Fred Trump’s son, Donald Trump has some strange, albeit mild, draw to Ivanka and this particular gene may have led to Josef imprisoning his daughter Elisabeth. What this whole debacle shows, is that cloning is still a mysterious process. How could the scientists’s predict that cloning a moustached, construction-obsessed, KKK-marching, alleged war profiteer would result in a concealed-basement-creating rapist? They have issued an apology and promise never to clone a real estate developer again.