The farm I visited today had a couple of unhappy pigs, not because they were being intensively farmed, were living in bad conditions, being fed non-organic swill, and not because they were going to slaughter very soon. Their gripe was about something altogether different. They said that even though they would prefer not to have their backsides cured, turned to gammon and placed on a plate with a slice of pineapple, what was worse was having that arse named after an actual arse; a red-faced, fat white man who voted for Brexit. That was a step too far!

I bring you the latest news from farms everywhere. Next week I will be visiting Japan and speaking to some soy boys.