I’ve always wanted to visit Japan; for the food, the sites, the technology, but more specifically the gorgeous women. Unfortunately I don’t speak Japanese but after watching the idents by Yakult which air on the Food Network, I think I have all the phrases I’ll require in the event of a sexual encounter (especially of an oral nature)…

The Yakult advertisements begin with this rather salacious opening gambit:

Itadakimasu (Let’s Eat)

To which the lady will hopefully reply:

Meshiagare (Enjoy Your Meal)

Then there’s some compliments for me to use:

Ii nioi (Smells Nice)

Oishii (It’s Delicious)

To which she may reply:

Arigato (Thank You)

Then I might ask:

Okawari (Can I have seconds?)

There’s even some pleasantries for the morning after:

Ohayo (Good Morning)

Okite (Let’s Wake Up)

Matane (See You Soon)

…All very formal I know but it’s better than speaking slowly and loudly in English which isn’t very sexy at all.

It would be useful if Yakult informed the viewer what the Japanese for “get away from me, you pervert” is but I’m certain my charisma won’t attract this kind of rebuff. I’m sure the above phrases they’ve suggested will serve me well on my travels. I’ll book my ticket forthwith!