Way before Amazon existed, there was a mail order store called Congo owned and operated by the Celebrity Clone Lab who were located in a classified rainforest laboratory at the time. In the Congo, there was a fantastic gene recommendation system which was developed to sort all the celeb clones and if you know where to look, you can still find remnants of this directory on a few worn-out dot matrix printer papers.

Today we discovered some of these sheets in a secret vault and within them we saw that under Jeff Bezos’ DNA was written “Scientists who viewed this genetic code also viewed Peter Safran”. This is unequivocal proof that the film producer is a clone of the Amazon CEO!

Unfortunately, these top secret records also indicate that after Jeff was released from his artificial birthing pod, he grabbed the recommendation system blueprints and ran off butt-naked into the undergrowth. After his escape both Peter Safran and Amazon.com were born.