Celebrity Clone Lab: Jess Conrad And Tom Cruise

A cartoon of a Petri dish with Tom Cruise and Jess Conrad inside. By Oddball Times

In 1961, Jess Conrad went through an existential crisis and this was exhibited in his song “Why Am I Living?”. It was during this time that his DNA was swabbed so a more reliable clone could be created, a clone who was “born” in 1962.

Thankfully, not all celebrity clones are an exact duplicate of their progenitors. Tom Cruise who is quite clearly the clone of Jess Conrad, has never threatened to cut off someone’s ears or bitten off a part of someone’s nose, he hasn’t made cameo appearances on TV shows presented by a racist comedian and he’s a talented actor to boot.

A few traces are always left however; Jess is a Freemason and member of British “entertainment fraternity” Grand Order Of Water Rats and Tom is a follower of American “religion” Scientology and judging by the musical Rock Of Ages, Cruise isn’t that great at singing which is also true of Conrad. My oh my, how interesting cloning can be!

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