Have A Merry COVID Christmas And A Happy New Vaccinated Year!

Christmas stockings with Coronavirus related gifts in them

Christmas is always an exciting time and this year will be one of a kind. You’ve had a smashing year so far with five months off school. Even when you’ve had to go back, you can sit on your own instead of sharing with some dickhead your mum paired you up with when you were 2 and he’s now stuck to you like shit to a shoe. The bully can’t force your dinner money off you in the playground because of social distancing and you can mouth obscenities to your teacher under your mask. But here’s the big question, what’s happening to Christmas?

Will it be a let down with your parents filling your stocking with hand sanitisers, bog roll, water and packets of pasta? Let’s be honest, that’s all they buy these days, so it’s a possibility.

Will Santa be able to deliver your presents? If he has to quarantine after he leaves each country, then realistically your presents could be delayed until Easter. The only positive is that he can’t climb into your house through the chimney so you may be able to see him on your Ring doorbell leaving your presents on your doorstep and walking back a few steps.

The other question is: when you do get your presents, will they be sub-par? Like everyone else, surely the Elves will be working from home and you can’t build a PlayStation 5 in a teeny tiny cottage without access to all of Toyland’s mechanical toy making gadgetry. I think we should be clapping these little guys who are working under extreme conditions, maybe every Thursday?

All said and done, you’ll still have a great Christmas because the shops will be putting limits on buying products which means there’ll only be three sprouts for the entire family. Households can’t mix so your grandparents can’t bruise your cheeks by pinching them incessantly, and they can’t give you a hand-knitted cardigan via Zoom. Plus your annoying uncle who keeps fiddling with the TV’s contrast and brightness settings can’t come over as he’s not in your bubble. That means you can watch How The Grinch Stole Christmas without every Who looking bright blue. Result!

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