Look out folks! There’s a racist sentient cooking pot lurking about somewhere, a pot who gets off on bullying kettles. In this pot’s outdated mind, being “black” is apparently a bad thing, but wait, reports are coming in that this pot is itself black! What a nerve. So that means it’s a self-hating, sentient cooking pot who teases kettles, kettles which are mostly stainless steel these days anyway, unless of course they’re from the budget plastic range in your local supermarket, which would make it a sentient, classist, black, self-hating, racist cooking pot.

But wait, aren’t black cast iron pots metallic underneath? Or if it’s a black non-stick pot, it too is a silvery colour underneath the coating. In either case, this means we’re dealing with a sentient, classist, racist pot who is not self-hating but blacking-up!

Maybe the flaking carbon or the worn Teflon coating is affecting it’s brain or maybe it’s just really, really old and archaic thinking is just part of it’s nature. Whatever the reason, remember: if you ever come across this prejudiced kitchen cooking vessel, keep your innocent water boilers away or they’ll be verbally harassed by him (and it probably is a “him” given his track record of bigotry).