BBQ season is well and truly over but I’ll be honest with you folks, I wasn’t overwhelmed by the level of taste in the condiments on offer, in particular mayonnaise. I’ve decided that next year I’ll stun my friends by holding a BBQ with the ultimate mayo! My plan was to go to the best minds in this field and get them to prepare the ultimate mayonnaise for me, so I booked my ticket to the USA and landed at Rochester International Airport and hopped into a taxi. I wasn’t messing around so I told the driver it was an emergency and that I needed him to take me to the Mayo Clinic. He looked a little shocked but to his credit, he put his foot down.

We screeched to a halt and I ran into the reception. I asked the lady behind the fancy desk that I needed to see the top man to bring my taste buds back to life. She looked confused and I explained that I needed one of her guys to mix up a mayonnaise to die for. She looked annoyed and said that they were a health, education and research company. I said it was for my health, I needed to educate my friends on how a burger is supposed to taste and I was researching the best mayonnaise. That did it, and she immediately got on the phone.

Minutes later I was escorted out of the building by two burly men who looked like they’d eaten their fair share of BBQs. I was called a joker and told not to come back. What a way to treat a mayonnaise aficionado! Well it’s back to store bought mayo next year.