From the M-She-U to Get Out, Us and Nope

It’s clear Hollywood is going woke

I’m white, really straight, a real man’s man

So minorities in movies, I really can’t stand

 

This is a brand new thing, so I’m gonna go back

To a time when the clapperboard was the only thing black

I’m going back in time and I’m not stopping

Back when there was no race or gender swapping

 

First I’ll travel to the 2000’s, that’s essential

Oh no, they’ve remade Manchurian Candidate with that actor, Denzel

Okay, back to the 1990’s, c’mon time machine, hit me

Fuck, they remade The Bishop’s Wife with Denzel… and Whitney

 

The 1980’s better not fail me or I’ll be screwed

Shit, they made Bob Cratchit a black woman in Scrooged!

Well at least there’s no place for Feminazis to thrive

What’s that, an anti-male storyline in 9 To 5?

 

I’m off to the 1970’s, let me lace up my boots

But I have to avoid this anti-white show called Roots

Back further to the 1960’s, that’ll put it right

But there’s a black man slapping a white man In The Heat Of The Night

 

I think I’ll travel to the 1950’s, here I come

Bloody hell, there’s an interracial kiss in Island In The Sun

Well, at least there’s no gay people, in the 1940’s I hope

I was wrong, there is! In Hitchcock’s Rope

 

Forget this, I’m going back, back the other way

I need to avoid anything even remotely gay

Travelling past A Rebel Without A Cause, past John Waters

Past any of those LGBT cinema supporters

 

Away from this time, I’ve really gotta go

Well away from The Rocky Horror Picture Show

By the way: what’s with Bruno in Strangers On A Train?

And why is there a pre-op transgender in The Crying Game?

 

Man, the past is making me feel so confused

Lynda Carter as Wonder Woman? Surely a 70’s Mary Sue?

Too many 90’s black superheroes; Spawn, Blade, please

And there’s two too many strong females in Thelma & Louise

 

Quick! In my time machine, I’ll go straight home and

Console myself with repeat viewings of The Northman

Back safe in the 2020’s, geez, time travel’s a swizz

But I’ll still moan on YouTube about how novel diversity is.