A cartoon image of three trick or treaters holding buckets and antibacterial wipes

Tales From The Creepy COVID Crypt: A 2020 Halloween Special

What will you be doing this Halloween? You can’t go out with your 5 friends to trick or treat your neighbours, unless you live in a group home. You’ll have to go on your own or walk 2 metres away from your friend like a depressing zombie movie. At least you can throw toilet rolls and eggs at your neighbours, but they will probably open … Continue reading Tales From The Creepy COVID Crypt: A 2020 Halloween Special

A heist blueprint involving stealing keys

The Key Cutting Caper: How Key Workers Ruined My Pandemic Pilferage

Having read the government’s statement about certain people being asked to continue working whilst the rest of us stay at home (due to this pesky joint US/Chinese lab-rat-bat virus pandemic) I felt very happy. Without divulging my methods, I recently “happened upon” my neighbour’s shed key in order to “borrow” his lawnmower and so I used my one-hour allocated exercise period to take it to … Continue reading The Key Cutting Caper: How Key Workers Ruined My Pandemic Pilferage

A cartoon of a hedgehog going shopping during the COVID-19 crisis

Hogging It All: The Life Of A Hedgehog Amidst The Coronavirus Pandemic

As I do each year, I woke up to sun hitting my face. I love this time of year, the end of hibernation means I can get out and about, meet friends and enjoy the fresh air. Today I looked out and saw a wonderfully sunny day and I thought “right, that’s it, what I need right now is a stroll in the sun to … Continue reading Hogging It All: The Life Of A Hedgehog Amidst The Coronavirus Pandemic

A cartoon of a Guy about to be set on fire on Bonfire Night. By Oddball Times

Remember Remember What We Do In November

Did you know that celebrations are held all over the world in November? For example… In Thailand they have a lantern festival where they release thousands of colourful candle-lit lanterns into the sky and along the river as a homage to Buddha. In India they have a festival of light, when houses, shops and public places are decorated with oil lamps and fireworks are set … Continue reading Remember Remember What We Do In November

A cartoon of Specky Third Eye listening to Bad by Michael Jackson

Review Rewind: Bad By Michael Jackson

Hi there! I was listening to some music in the summer heat and I remembered the time when everyone said that Michael Jackson was Bad. These unfounded accusations went on and on and there were millions of people shouting the same thing. They were chasing Michael down the street screaming and crying whilst his chauffeur did his best to get him away without mowing people … Continue reading Review Rewind: Bad By Michael Jackson

A cartoon of Specky Third Eye listening to Purple Rain by Prince

Review Rewind: Purple Rain By Prince

So folks, I have a treat for you all because I’m reviewing a two Grammy, three American Music Award, one Brit, one Oscar winner that went Platinum 13 times… Purple Rain by Prince And The Revolution (because making bell bottom trousers and high heels look sexy on a man was quite revolutionary). The first song, “Let’s Go Crazy” is, I think, a nod to a … Continue reading Review Rewind: Purple Rain By Prince

A cartoon of Specky Third Eye listening to Invisible Touch by Genesis

Review Rewind: Invisible Touch By Genesis

Hello folks, its me again. This time I’ve found a great new band called Genesis. Judging by the group’s name I think they’re a Christian outfit. I’m reviewing a little known album by them called “Invisible Touch” which also happens to be the title of the first song. It’s a real toe tapper. It’s about a female cyborg who can perform non-invasive heart massages to … Continue reading Review Rewind: Invisible Touch By Genesis

A cartoon of Specky Third Eye listening to Sgt Pepper by The Beatles

Review Rewind: Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band By The Beatles

I recently subscribed to Spotify and of course I want to get my money’s worth. So my genius idea is to start an album review section here at Oddball Times for the most unusual, unheard and underground music. So hold onto your ears folks and here goes… This month I came across an album called Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band. I love it’s colourful … Continue reading Review Rewind: Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band By The Beatles

The Japanese flag with the Death Star in the centre being interviewed by an Oddball Times microphone

A New Emperor: News From The Imperial Palace

After hearing the news that the old Emperor would be abdicating and the new Emperor would be succeeding him in May, I went half way across the globe to see the preparations for the great ceremony. I’ll be honest with you, I wasn’t keen on the last Emperor, what with the double life, the destroying of the Jedi Order and being an all-round menace. As … Continue reading A New Emperor: News From The Imperial Palace

A cartoon of a map showing Paisley Park and the Prince symbol. By Oddball Times

Prince: Telling Little Purple Lies

I made a trip up North and drove to Paisley in Scotland this week. I was looking forward to seeing the colourful people, the see-saw and the pier that I’d heard so much about. To my disappointment, I found Robertson Park, Kelvingrove Park, Barshaw Park, and although they were all very lovely they weren’t what I was looking for. I even found Pollok Estate and … Continue reading Prince: Telling Little Purple Lies

A cartoon of a Christmas tree felling. By Oddball Times

My Annual Tree: A Christmas Tradition

I am lucky enough to have a substantial garden inherited from my first wife Audrey. This allows me to choose my desired tree from within my own property. I use my newly-acquired 500W Scorpion Handsaw to chop down the magnificent tree. I then tie the branches with 4mm strong utility nylon rope to make sure I have enough purchase on the tree to move it … Continue reading My Annual Tree: A Christmas Tradition

A cartoon illustration of a pumpkin with a carving knife and blood on the floor to signify Halloween. By Oddball Times

May Contain Nutjobs: The Origins Of Halloween

After eating an entire packet of Nerds, two packets of popping candy, and spending a whopping four minutes on the internet, I’ve discovered the following about Halloween and its origins… Pumpkin Carving: This tradition dates back to Britain when a 3 year old boy named Sam Hain decided that he hated eating his vegetables, in particular pumpkins, and took his revenge by removing the insides … Continue reading May Contain Nutjobs: The Origins Of Halloween

A cartoon image of a pig with the gammon section being interviewed by a reporter. By Oddball Times

Gammon: Getting To The Bottom Of Things

The farm I visited today had a couple of unhappy pigs, not because they were being intensively farmed, were living in bad conditions, being fed non-organic swill, and not because they were going to slaughter very soon. Their gripe was about something altogether different. They said that even though they would prefer not to have their backsides cured, turned to gammon and placed on a … Continue reading Gammon: Getting To The Bottom Of Things

A parody of the Build-A-Bear Workshop logo with masonic symbolism. By Oddball Times

If You Go Down In The Woods Today: En Route To The Bilderberg Group

What the masonic hell is going on?! I made all the necessary preparations to infiltrate this year’s Bilderberg Group Meeting, I took my camera, my placard saying “I’m with Alex Jones“ (I was planning on getting her autograph later, love The One Show on the BBC), I also took some sandwiches and a flask of tea. It took me bloodlines-forever to find the place although … Continue reading If You Go Down In The Woods Today: En Route To The Bilderberg Group

An image of Fox News Chris Wallace in Notorious Big's Ready To Die album cover. By Oddball Times

Christopher Wallace Is Trying To Out-Fox Us All

The other day my TV broke, so in a frenzy, I walked over to my neighbour’s house, a Friend Of Mine and Kicked Down The Door. My neighbour was watching a programme called Fox News Sunday presented by none other than Christopher Wallace. I did a double take, Christopher Wallace on Fox News? Unbelievable! Now I’m not the best person to ask about popular history, … Continue reading Christopher Wallace Is Trying To Out-Fox Us All

A cartoon image of Malcolm X in a superhero costume. By Oddball Times

Cultural Appropriation Month: Black Superheroes

I was wondering the other day, when Professor Xavier opened his X-Mansion at 1407 Graymalkin Lane, Salem Center, Westchester County, New York and gathered his X-Men, why amongst Wolverine, Rogue, Jean Grey, Cyclops, Beast and Gambit didn’t they include Malcolm? He lived and worked in New York so he wouldn’t have had far to travel and surely he was the only other one with “X” … Continue reading Cultural Appropriation Month: Black Superheroes

A cartoon image of actor Tom Hardy dressed as novelist and poet Thomas Hardy. By Oddball Times

Far From The Maddening Crowd: My Interview With Tom Hardy

Do you know who I saw whilst I was visiting Hammersmith this week? None other than Thomas Hardy! He looked wonderful, some wrinkles but not many for his age. He wasn’t wearing his usual tailcoat, double-breasted vest and wing-tip collar… oh no, not a hat or a pair of gloves in sight. In fact he was in some modern Levis and T-shirt, what a transformation! … Continue reading Far From The Maddening Crowd: My Interview With Tom Hardy

A parody of an iPhone advert with Suri Cruise replacing Siri. By Oddball Times

Tom Cruise And Suri Cruise: Mistaken A.I.dentity

This week I went out to California to meet Tom Cruise. I felt overwhelmed but I managed to ask Tom how it felt to be a father and what it was like to be one of three dads. I was amongst other reporters so I think he didn’t hear me. I continued unperturbed. I asked him when he’d changed his name from Tom Gruber to … Continue reading Tom Cruise And Suri Cruise: Mistaken A.I.dentity

A cartoon of a microphone pointing at Kim Kardashian's backside or rear. By Oddball Times

Kim Kardashian: Behind The Fame

I was so excited this week to meet someone called Kim Kardashian. She was surrounded by photographers and reporters but I managed to get an exclusive. I asked her, “Why are you so famous?”. I think she was taken aback as she didn’t reply. She was generally very quiet throughout the interview although I did hear her let out a few sighs, maybe she was … Continue reading Kim Kardashian: Behind The Fame

A cartoon image of a toxic waste can with a ring pull by Oddball Times

Soft Drinks Have Gone Soft: Why There’s Nothing Sweet About Artificial Sweeteners

Saccharin and spice and all things nice? A spoonful of Aspartame makes the medicine go down? Pour some Sorbitol on me? Stevia, ah honey honey? Brown Sucralose. Just like a young girl should? Change an ingredient and a product is no longer the same. Tell that to Lucozade, Irn Bru, 7Up, Fanta, Sprite, and the rest of the Sugar Tax-appeasing bastards. You bitter, old scrotes! Continue reading Soft Drinks Have Gone Soft: Why There’s Nothing Sweet About Artificial Sweeteners

A cartoon image of Harvey Weinstein showering nude. By Oddball Times

Harvey Weinstein: Big Pimping

Harvey Weinstein sitting atop the Hollywood Tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G (plus harassment, sexual assault, and rape, allegedly) Everyone on the lower branches gave him way too many chances They ignored or covered up his unwanted sexual advances This was something actresses had to get used ta All ’cause he was a hot shot producer What that means folks, is he had the power To fill the cinema … Continue reading Harvey Weinstein: Big Pimping

A caricature of a grey and miserable Theresa May with a cubist influence. By Oddball Times

Theresa May: Democracy May Never Have Existed

She may have been born in Sussex. She may have studied Geography. She may be married to a bloke called Philip. She may have a shoe fetish. She may live in a flat above a terrace house. She may be scared of snakes. She may be all these things but she’s not like us. She grew up in Oxfordshire, she studied at Oxford University, her husband … Continue reading Theresa May: Democracy May Never Have Existed

A cartoon of a healthy chicken looking at a small broiler chicken with fast food logos stamped on its skin. By Oddball Times

Fast Food Slogans: Catchy Tag Lines, Horrible Truth

Have It Your Way… If I really had it my way, I wouldn’t put every single one of these restaurants in the worst part of town where I definitely have to use the drive through, making sure my car doors are locked to avoid having to spend the afternoon at the police station looking at mug shots. I’m Lovin’ It… When I have to shout … Continue reading Fast Food Slogans: Catchy Tag Lines, Horrible Truth

A cartoon of a pot of honey with Beyoncé Giselle Knowles-Carter's face on it. By Oddball Times

Beyoncé: To Bee Or Not To Bee?

This week I am looking into the phenomenon that is The Queen Bee aka Beyonce. Beyonce is a lady who thinks she is a bee, but to be honest she is greatly lacking in “bee qualities” in my estimation: Firstly, she doesn’t have a hive, and although she is capable of giving birth to multiple children, she only has three so far. Come on Queen … Continue reading Beyoncé: To Bee Or Not To Bee?

A cartoon of a chinook bringing emergency aid to the Hollywood hills. By Oddball Times

Bill Gates: Control, Alt, Delete

Hey Bill, I have a brilliant idea and I’m sure you’ll be thrilled to hear it. I listened avidly to your speeches supporting eugenics and global depopulation. Firstly I had to look up the word “Philanthropic” because I thought it meant something quite different. You say the world is growing in population and your vaccines and sterilisation programs could really depopulate those who, as you … Continue reading Bill Gates: Control, Alt, Delete

A cartoon of a microphone pointing at Donald Trump's hair. By Oddball Times

Donald J. Trump: What It’s Like Being On Top

  This week I went to Washington D.C. to meet Donald Trump. I wanted to know how he had become President and why so many people hated him. When I got to Washington it was difficult getting an interview as there were a stream of Presidential bodyguards. I finally managed to shout my questions at a press conference but got no answer. Then a fellow … Continue reading Donald J. Trump: What It’s Like Being On Top