A parody advert for olive oil using a scene from Last Tango In Paris

Putting The Rape Into Rapeseed Oil And The Butt Into Butter: My Idea For An Olive Oil Advert

What’s better for your health? Cooking with butter or cooking with oil? Experts say that butter isn’t all that bad, it contains many nutrients including Vitamin K2 (and other letter and number combinations). But I’m not here to say what health benefits there are or to tell you the smoke-point stats, I just need a marketing ploy to get rid of the two dozen boxes … Continue reading Putting The Rape Into Rapeseed Oil And The Butt Into Butter: My Idea For An Olive Oil Advert

A cartoon of a Petri dish with Yungblud and Fairuza Balk inside. By Oddball Times

Celebrity Clone Lab: Yungblud And Fairuza Balk

This week in the Celebrity Clone Lab is singer YUNGBLUD (real name Dominic Richard Harrison) and actor Fairuza Balk. Just look at the resemblance! Fairuza Balk starred in the film The Craft in which four outcast teens took part in rituals and cast various spells after becoming interested in witchcraft. Aside from the love spells and the hair-loss spells, one deleted scene featured Balk’s character … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Yungblud And Fairuza Balk

A cartoon of a Petri dish with Sara Pascoe and Sara Dallin inside. By Oddball Times

Celebrity Clone Lab: Sara Pascoe And Sara Dallin

  This week in the Celebrity Clone Lab is comedian Sara Pascoe and singer Sara Dallin. Just look at the pair’s uncanny resemblance! After a quick DNA swab at the London College Of Fashion, Sara Dallin’s cells were immediately used to produce a clone. It wasn’t just Dallin’s group Bananarama that was created in 1981, so too was Pascoe! Sara Pascoe was gestated in a … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Sara Pascoe And Sara Dallin

A movie poster for a Banksy biopic starring Timothy Spall

Greenlit: Two More Artist Biopics Starring Timothy Spall

After a couple of films in which Timothy Spall played artists J.M.W. Turner and L.S. Lowry, the question remains: will Tim play any more daubers of paint? Will he portray any more makers of assorted objet d’art? The answer is: of course he will! Spall is now set to play the mysterious graffiti artist Banksy and tapestry and vase creator Grayson Perry. Oh, how the … Continue reading Greenlit: Two More Artist Biopics Starring Timothy Spall

A cartoon of a Petri dish with Azealia Banks and William Jackson Harper inside. By Oddball Times

Celebrity Clone Lab: Azealia Banks And William Jackson Harper

If you’ve ever thought to yourself “what happens when a clone is dropped on its head?”, we have the answer! William Jackson Harper’s clone Azealia Banks was dropped 212 times whist being transported from Dallas, Texas to Harlem, New York. The crucible tongs that held onto Azealia’s forehead slipped multiple times due to her being so slimy and that’s probably the reason for her peculiar … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Azealia Banks And William Jackson Harper

Roy Wood of The Move hiding behind a music stand. By Oddball Times

Behind The Lyrics: Blackberry Way By The Move

Remember the late ’00s and early ’10s when everybody from wannabe business moguls to budding reality stars were clutching a BlackBerry phone, BBM-ing each other like mad? Unfortunately, BlackBerry slowly began to fall out of favour, being replaced by an Apple like Ribena after the sugar tax. Not a lot of people know that the song “Blackberry Way” by The Move was actually about the … Continue reading Behind The Lyrics: Blackberry Way By The Move

A cartoon of a Petri dish with Gemma Collins and Goldie Hawn inside. By Oddball Times

Celebrity Clone Lab: Gemma Collins And Goldie Hawn

Gemma Collins is most definitely the clone of Goldie Hawn. I mean c’mon, when you take a gander at these two, it’s obvious… they’re so similar-looking that there can’t be any other explanation! But what proof do you have we hear you ask? Well, we think it’s quite telling that Gemma Collins before becoming a reality star, was a used car seller and lo and … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Gemma Collins And Goldie Hawn

A cartoon of a Petri dish with John Quayle and Jack Whitehall inside. By Oddball Times

Celebrity Clone Lab: Jack Whitehall And John Quayle

It’s obvious that Michael Whitehall isn’t Jack Whitehall’s real father; a Conservative supporter in his late 40s couldn’t sire a child for goodness sake! It’s a well known fact that aside from their haughtiness, Conservative supporters’ testes are too wizened from all their pent-up aggression. Jack therefore, did not emanate from Mike’s urinary meatus, no, he was given to the producer and talent agent by … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Jack Whitehall And John Quayle

A cartoon of a Petri dish with Imogen Poots and Helen Mirren inside. By Oddball Times

Celebrity Clone Lab: Imogen Poots And Helen Mirren

You can’t keep the truth buried for long folks! We’re almost, nearly, sort of, certain that there’s a Top Secret Celebrity Clone Lab somewhere in the Queen Charlotte’s And Chelsea Hospital in Hammersmith, London. Why do we think that? Well, this is where two of the most famous Hammersmith celebrities were created… or as the official sources say: born. Helen Mirren (actor) was born at … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Imogen Poots And Helen Mirren

Anita Ward hiding behind a music stand. By Oddball Times

Behind The Lyrics: Ring My Bell By Anita Ward

Did you know that Anita Ward’s disco hit “Ring My Bell” is incorrectly titled? If you listen closely, you’ll realise that this song is from the perspective of a sexually frustrated Bell Telephone Company operator. Upon receiving a call, the operator begins to flirt with her customer: “I’m glad you’re home, now did you really miss me?” The operator then offers to turn off the … Continue reading Behind The Lyrics: Ring My Bell By Anita Ward

An image of MC Hammer with yellow skin and text Operation: Yellow Hammer

Operation Yellowhammer: Please Hammer Don’t Hurt ‘Em

Operation Yellowhammer, a contingency plan subtitled “Reasonable Worst Case Planning Assumptions”, has been cooked-up by the government in case of a “No Deal” Brexit. If that occurs, the folks in charge predict there’ll be medication shortages, food supply problems, and protests in the streets. Operation Yellowhammer, if you didn’t know, involves 90’s “rapper” MC Hammer using his harem hammer pants to smuggle much needed medical … Continue reading Operation Yellowhammer: Please Hammer Don’t Hurt ‘Em

A cartoon of a Petri dish with Isabela Merced and Jenna Coleman inside. By Oddball Times

Celebrity Clone Lab: Isabela Moner And Jenna Coleman

Blackpool-born Jenna Coleman is most famous for her work in northern soap opera Emmerdale but what many don’t know is that a few years before being cast as Jasmine Thomas, her DNA was sampled and placed in some liquid nitrogen that was cleverly hidden in a jar of Coleman’s Mustard. Coleman’s genes were supposed to be handed over to a Celebrity Clone Lab scientist at … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Isabela Moner And Jenna Coleman

A parody advertisement for Tropicana Sanguinello in the style of The Godfather movie poster. By Oddball Times

An Offer You Can’t Refuse: A Tropicana Sanguinello Advertising Idea

Francis Ford Coppola has been messing with his movies over the last decade or so, needlessly lengthening films such as Apocalypse Now and The Outsiders. Whether he’s ruined his own films by re-editing them or not (and he has) the fact that he doesn’t mind fiddling with his own creations surely means that my idea for a movie tie-in advertising campaign will go down pretty … Continue reading An Offer You Can’t Refuse: A Tropicana Sanguinello Advertising Idea

A billboard ad promoting Grillz by Oddball Times

All Work And No Pay Makes Jack’s Bling Dull Bwoy: A Grillz Advertising Idea

Here’s my idea for an an advert promoting Grillz. “Grills” I hear you say, like George Foreman? Of course not silly, I’m referring to Grillz spelled with a “z”, you know, the gold teeth that used to look cool back in the ’90s but now they’re corny as f… well, never mind who wears what and how to spell it, all that matters is my … Continue reading All Work And No Pay Makes Jack’s Bling Dull Bwoy: A Grillz Advertising Idea

Jonas Blue and Tiesto hiding behind a music stand. By Oddball Times

Behind The Lyrics: Ritual By Tiësto, Jonas Blue And Rita Ora

The song “Ritual” isn’t about a ritual at all, no, it’s all about how a relationship can be paradoxically both fulfilling and demanding or rewarding and punishing. The writers chose wool to be the metaphor for love (and your lover) because it’s both warming and irritating. Just listen to the chorus once more, Rita Ora actually sings “Oh, you’ll always be my itchy wool” which … Continue reading Behind The Lyrics: Ritual By Tiësto, Jonas Blue And Rita Ora

An image of Donald Trump looking at the department of justice seal. By Oddball Times

No Justice, No Hairpiece: A Subliminal Image Of Donald Trump At The Department Of Justice

Remember when Donald Trump said he could stand on New York’s Fifth Avenue and “shoot somebody” and still not lose any voters? Unfortunately this is true. The Teflon Don can pretty much do and say whatever he wants without any repercussions. No matter how many times he lies and cheats Trump never ever faces justice, but why? Well it’s all to do with subliminal imagery … Continue reading No Justice, No Hairpiece: A Subliminal Image Of Donald Trump At The Department Of Justice

A cartoon of a Petri dish with Sylvester Stallone and Rock Hudson inside. By Oddball Times

Celebrity Clone Lab: Sylvester Stallone And Rock Hudson

Over the years, The Celebrity Clone Lab have created 26 clones of Rock Hudson, the first was code-named “Rock-A” and the last one “Rock-Z”. It was however, the 25th clone “Rock-Y” that was the most successful and he also made it as a Hollywood actor. Given his success, Rock-Y was then nicknamed “Sylvester The Clone” (after his favourite cartoon show which he watched whilst gestating … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Sylvester Stallone And Rock Hudson

A cartoon of a Petri dish with Rochelle Humes and Donna Summer inside. By Oddball Times

Celebrity Clone Lab: Rochelle Humes And Donna Summer

This week in the Celebrity Clone Lab is Rochelle Humes, who if you don’t already know, is the clone of Donna Summer, just look at the resemblance! In 1988, Donna Summer came to the UK to make an album with Stock, Aitken, and Waterman. During the recording of Another Place In Time, Summer’s DNA was taken so a duplicate singer could be created in the … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Rochelle Humes And Donna Summer

An image of actor Peter Bull alongside Mr. Mime to show their facial similarities. By Oddball Times

Pokémon Detective Pikachu: A Load Of Bull

Peter Bull never could decide which profession to focus on: he was an actor, a Lieutenant-Commander in the Royal Navy, a shopkeeper, and a writer. Leap-frogging from one job to another, the one thing Bull always wanted to do was learn how to mime. So in 1984, he faked his death and honed his craft for 35 years until he was the world’s foremost mime … Continue reading Pokémon Detective Pikachu: A Load Of Bull

Lil Nas X hiding behind a music stand. By Oddball Times

Behind The Lyrics: Old Town Road By Lil Nas X

It’s not Lil Kim… it’s not Nas… and it’s not DMX… no, it’s Lil Nas X in this week’s Behind The Lyrics segment… yeah! Lil Nas X’s ditty “Old Town Road” has been a huge success but did you know that the song title is incorrect? That’s right, this title was used to cover up the true lyrics which if you don’t know are: “I’m … Continue reading Behind The Lyrics: Old Town Road By Lil Nas X

A cartoon of a Petri dish with Peter Safran and Jeff Bezos inside. By Oddball Times

Celebrity Clone Lab: Jeff Bezos And Peter Safran

Way before Amazon existed, there was a mail order store called Congo owned and operated by the Celebrity Clone Lab who were located in a classified rainforest laboratory at the time. In the Congo, there was a fantastic gene recommendation system which was developed to sort all the celeb clones and if you know where to look, you can still find remnants of this directory … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Jeff Bezos And Peter Safran

A cartoon of a map showing Paisley Park and the Prince symbol. By Oddball Times

Prince: Telling Little Purple Lies

I made a trip up North and drove to Paisley in Scotland this week. I was looking forward to seeing the colourful people, the see-saw and the pier that I’d heard so much about. To my disappointment, I found Robertson Park, Kelvingrove Park, Barshaw Park, and although they were all very lovely they weren’t what I was looking for. I even found Pollok Estate and … Continue reading Prince: Telling Little Purple Lies

Elton John and Bernie Taupin hiding behind a music stand. By Oddball Times

Behind The Lyrics: Tiny Dancer By Elton John

This week in our ever-popular Behind The Lyrics segment is Elton John’s song “Tiny Dancer” from his 1971 album Madman Across The Water. The ’70s were of course a time for drug taking and music making and the genesis of this song isn’t any different. Everybody knows that cocaine was Elton John’s favourite substance back in the day, but what people don’t know is that … Continue reading Behind The Lyrics: Tiny Dancer By Elton John

A cartoon of a Petri dish with Jeremy Dyson and Peter Sutcliffe the Yorkshire Ripper inside. By Oddball Times

Celebrity Clone Lab: Peter Sutcliffe And Jeremy Dyson

Today in the Celebrity Clone Lab is screenwriter and writer Jeremy Dyson. If you don’t know, he’s the clone of serial killer Peter Sutcliffe! You simply need to look at the pair’s thick, black, wavy hair to see that they are genetically linked but if you want more evidence we have it here… Before being locked up for life for killing thirteen women, Peter Sutcliffe … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Peter Sutcliffe And Jeremy Dyson

A parody billboard advertisement for Gorilla Tape. By Oddball Times

In A Sticky Situation: Gorilla Tape Advertising Idea

I’ve come up with another great idea for an advert! This one’s for Gorilla Tape, an adhesive tape manufactured by Gorilla Glue Inc. The concept of my ad is simple; ever noticed how serial killers, rapists, kidnappers and other assorted wrongdoers always use Duck Tape to tie-up their victims? Whether it’s in the news or in the movies, you never see a murderer sticking a … Continue reading In A Sticky Situation: Gorilla Tape Advertising Idea

YXNG Bane hiding behind a music stand. By Oddball Times

Behind The Lyrics: Needed Time By YXNG Bane

“Needed Time” is a very unique song by R&B singer YXNG Bane. The song, which is an ode to all things doughy, is from the perspective of a pâtissier. If you’ve ever baked yourself, you’ll know that sometimes your cake batter can split and YXNG Bane tackles this subject without any fear. The track features these lyrics in which Bane talks to his curdling batter: … Continue reading Behind The Lyrics: Needed Time By YXNG Bane

A bottle of Yakult and some flavoured dental dams placed over the Japanese flag. By Oddball Times

Gaining Carnal Knowledge: The Art Of Seduction In Japan With The Help Of Yakult

I’ve always wanted to visit Japan; for the food, the sites, the technology, but more specifically the gorgeous women. Unfortunately I don’t speak Japanese but after watching the idents by Yakult which air on the Food Network, I think I have all the phrases I’ll require in the event of a sexual encounter (especially of an oral nature)… The Yakult advertisements begin with this rather … Continue reading Gaining Carnal Knowledge: The Art Of Seduction In Japan With The Help Of Yakult

A cartoon of a Petri dish with Ted Bundy and George Hebert Walker Bush inside. By Oddball Times

Celebrity Clone Lab: Ted Bundy And George H. W. Bush

This week in the Celebrity Clone Lab is George H. W. Bush and Ted Bundy, just look at the uncanny resemblance! The interesting thing about this pair is that one was programmed to go into politics and the other was supposed to become a mass murderer. Unfortunately, even as a Republican, Ted Bundy failed to become a politician but thankfully George Herbert Walker Bush became … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Ted Bundy And George H. W. Bush

A cartoon of a Petri dish with Ice-T and Peter Dinklage inside. By Oddball Times

Celebrity Clone Lab: Ice-T And Peter Dinklage

This week in the Celebrity Clone Lab is actor Peter Hayden Dinklage, who if you don’t know, is the clone of rapper Tracy Lauren Marrow (aka Ice-T) just look at the resemblance! Before living in Crenshaw, Los Angeles, Ice-T was born and raised in New Jersey and that’s where a swab of his DNA was first taken as a precaution. As you may know, becoming … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Ice-T And Peter Dinklage

A cartoon of a Christmas tree felling. By Oddball Times

My Annual Tree: A Christmas Tradition

I am lucky enough to have a substantial garden inherited from my first wife Audrey. This allows me to choose my desired tree from within my own property. I use my newly-acquired 500W Scorpion Handsaw to chop down the magnificent tree. I then tie the branches with 4mm strong utility nylon rope to make sure I have enough purchase on the tree to move it … Continue reading My Annual Tree: A Christmas Tradition