This week in the Celebrity Clone Lab is actor Daisy Ridley. If you don't already know, she's the clone of comedian Rhys James. Now of course, the mainstream media will tell you that Daisy Ridley is a descendant of landed gentry, the great-niece of a Dad's Army actor, and the daughter of a banker and … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Daisy Ridley And Rhys James
Product Idea: Colin Kaepernick Knee Pads
Now that Colin Kaepernick has trademarked his face, I have a fantastic idea for a Kaepernick-endorsed product and since he's up for marketing himself for the likes of Nike, I'm sure he'll love my idea. So what hair-brained concept have I come with today I hear you ask? Well, it's a pair of Colin Kaepernick … Continue reading Product Idea: Colin Kaepernick Knee Pads
Celebrity Clone Lab: Stacey Dooley And Jane Asher
This week in the Celebrity Clone Lab is TV presenter Stacey Dooley. If you don't know, she's the clone of actor Jane Asher! Now you may say that Dooley isn't a perfect copy of Asher and you'd be right. Records indicate that the Celebrity Clone Lab intended to create a perfect clone of Jane but … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Stacey Dooley And Jane Asher
Afro Puff, Puff, Pass: Looking Back At Roberta Flack’s Headphones
More than four decades before Hip-Hop producer Dr. Dre released his own-brand headphones, soul singer Roberta Flack released hers. Flack's headphones were of course in keeping with the '70s, they were very stylish and more importantly they sounded much better than their contemporary counterparts (the overpriced Beats By Dre). Of course this was mainly … Continue reading Afro Puff, Puff, Pass: Looking Back At Roberta Flack’s Headphones
The Great British Mix-Up: Paul Hollywood’s Long Lost Brothers
Did you know that Paul Hollywood, celebrity chef and judge of The Great British Bake Off, is one of a septuplet? Well it's true! Paul's father John who was a bakery proprietor, attempted to inseminate his wife with a baker's dozen but unfortunately, his multiple birth fell short of its target. In the end, Paul's … Continue reading The Great British Mix-Up: Paul Hollywood’s Long Lost Brothers
Celebrity Clone Lab: Phil Lynott and Craig David
After the phenomenally successful career of Phil Lynott (with and without Thin Lizzy) the scientists at the Celebrity Clone Lab stored Phil's cells for later use, with the hopes of perhaps creating a similarly successful artist for the noughties' generation. The laboratory was very careful with the precious cells as they set about creating the … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Phil Lynott and Craig David
Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Chris Isaak
It's a known fact that scientists have varied tastes in music. Some of them for example, like to listen to Elvis and some prefer The Smiths. One day after an argument over who is better, a group of experts in the field of Genomics decided to splice the genes of Elvis Presley and Morrissey together … Continue reading Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Chris Isaak
Greenlit: A Big-Budget Andy Serkis Biopic
The life of Andy Serkis is to be told as a big-budget Hollywood movie sources tell us. The story of a young lad from Ruislip Manor going on to college, studying theatre and eventually becoming the foremost Motion Capture performer, has been green-lit for production. Studio executives have said that because of the popularity of … Continue reading Greenlit: A Big-Budget Andy Serkis Biopic
Tie-In Product Idea: John Wick And Air Wick
When a film such as John Wick becomes popular, it's time to think product tie-ins. There's no doubt that John Wick and John Wick: Chapter 2 were massive hits at the box office, with the first movie netting over $88 million and the second instalment grossing over $171 million. It's obvious that the next film … Continue reading Tie-In Product Idea: John Wick And Air Wick
Celebrity Clone Lab: Sandra Bullock And Michael Jackson
This week in the Celebrity Clone Lab is Sandra Bullock, if you haven't already realised, she's a clone of Michael Jackson. Just look at the resemblance! When or where this cloning took place is a mystery but maybe Sandra's father John Bullock being a contractor for The Pentagon or her grandfather being a German rocket … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Sandra Bullock And Michael Jackson
Celebrity Clone Lab: Harry Hill And Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall
This week in the Celebrity Clone Lab is TV chef Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall. If you don't already know, he's the clone of slap-head comedian Harry Hill. Harry Hill's breakout 90's BBC Radio 4 show was called “Harry Hill's Fruit Corner” and his follow-up TV show for BBC Two was called “Fruit Fancies”. Then in the 00's, … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Harry Hill And Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall
Christopher Wallace Is Trying To Out-Fox Us All
The other day my TV broke, so in a frenzy, I walked over to my neighbour's house, a Friend Of Mine and Kicked Down The Door. My neighbour was watching a programme called Fox News Sunday presented by none other than Christopher Wallace. I did a double take, Christopher Wallace on Fox News? Unbelievable! Now … Continue reading Christopher Wallace Is Trying To Out-Fox Us All
Harvey Weinstein’s Secret Therapy: What It’s Like Being A Woman
Shortly after the world discovered that Harvey Weinstein was an alleged sexual harasser, sexual assaulter, and rapist, the man went under the radar and seemingly dropped off the map. There were reports that he was “in treatment” but people are now beginning to ask “what treatment?” and “where?”. Well, we have an exclusive for you … Continue reading Harvey Weinstein’s Secret Therapy: What It’s Like Being A Woman
Celebrity Clone Lab: Lee Evans And Fred West
This week in the Celebrity Clone Lab is stand-up comedian Lee Evans. If you don't know, he's the clone of serial killer Fred West! Oddball Times doesn't have much evidence of this particular celeb cloning as the files were lost, destroyed, or buried somewhere in Gloucester but just take a look at the resemblance; the … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Lee Evans And Fred West
Far From The Maddening Crowd: My Interview With Tom Hardy
Do you know who I saw whilst I was visiting Hammersmith this week? None other than Thomas Hardy! He looked wonderful, some wrinkles but not many for his age. He wasn't wearing his usual tailcoat, double-breasted vest and wing-tip collar... oh no, not a hat or a pair of gloves in sight. In fact he … Continue reading Far From The Maddening Crowd: My Interview With Tom Hardy
Celebrity Clone Lab: Perez Hilton And Doug McClure
This week in the Celebrity Clone Lab is Perez Hilton. Even though he doesn't want the public to know, we're gonna out him as a clone of the late actor Doug McClure. If you don't already know, Hilton, a blogger, columnist, and all-round douche is a hypocrite of the highest order. He is known for … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Perez Hilton And Doug McClure
Tom Cruise And Suri Cruise: Mistaken A.I.dentity
This week I went out to California to meet Tom Cruise. I felt overwhelmed but I managed to ask Tom how it felt to be a father and what it was like to be one of three dads. I was amongst other reporters so I think he didn't hear me. I continued unperturbed. I asked … Continue reading Tom Cruise And Suri Cruise: Mistaken A.I.dentity
Celebrity Clone Lab: Alex Jones And The Baldy Man
A brand new conspiracy for all you Oddball readers out there is that Alex Jones, the far-right Info Wars host is in fact a clone of The Baldy Man. Now in order to believe this conspiracy theory, you must first ignore that the Baldy Man is a fictional character played by comedian Gregor Fisher, but … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Alex Jones And The Baldy Man
Two Turnpikes And A Microphone: How Hip-Hop Musicians Are Embracing Roads And Motorways
Today we answer the age old question; how do musicians decide what to call themselves? Fans assume that stage-names are simply nicknames from childhood or possibly some random thought that popped into a musician's head. It was all a mystery... until now. We have inside information that certain Hip-Hop artists used the humble road map … Continue reading Two Turnpikes And A Microphone: How Hip-Hop Musicians Are Embracing Roads And Motorways
Celebrity Clone Lab: Fred Trump And Josef Fritzl
This week in the Celebrity Clone Lab it's Josef Fritzl. If you don't already know, he's the clone of Donald Trump's father Fred Trump! Fred Trump was a carpenter and he built twenty homes in Queens, New York by 1926. Seeing this success, the Celebrity Clone Lab took a swab from Fred's tash and cryogenically … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Fred Trump And Josef Fritzl
Kim Kardashian: Behind The Fame
I was so excited this week to meet someone called Kim Kardashian. She was surrounded by photographers and reporters but I managed to get an exclusive. I asked her, “Why are you so famous?”. I think she was taken aback as she didn't reply. She was generally very quiet throughout the interview although I did … Continue reading Kim Kardashian: Behind The Fame
Celebrity Clone Lab: Post Malone And Chabuddy G
Here at Oddball Times, we like to let you the reader in on certain secrets about the entertainment world, namely which celebrities are clones and which are spliced-hybrids. Sometimes however, certain cloned celebs aren't a secret at all, some even parade their similarities in front of the whole world for all to see! Take Post … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Post Malone And Chabuddy G
Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Paul Eddington
This week on Celebrity Gene Splicing we bring you Paul Eddington, the late great actor who starred in Hammer's The Devil Rides Out and TV Sitcom The Good Life. Paul, in case you didn't know, was made by mixing the genes of David Mitchell with those of Tom Hanks. By combining Hanks' mouth with the … Continue reading Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Paul Eddington
Prince Harry To Marry: How To Nuptially Offset And Omit Racism From History
Once it was officially announced that Prince Harry was to marry Meghan Markle, prejudiced celebs around the world rejoiced! Surely they too could replicate this media-savvy tactic? Apparently one Meghan Markle cancels out one Nazi costume and a few racial slurs, and once a wedding ring is screwed firmly onto that mixed-raced American's finger, nobody … Continue reading Prince Harry To Marry: How To Nuptially Offset And Omit Racism From History
Celebrity Clone Lab: Rob Brydon And Anton Du Beke
This week in the Celebrity Clone Lab is Anton Du Beke, if you don't know he's the clone of Rob Brydon! Anton Du Beke, a Strictly Come Dancing dancer and professional racist, was created when a petri dish containing Rob Brydon's genes were accidentally left resting on a sequinned Saint George's Cross flag. Don't ask … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Rob Brydon And Anton Du Beke
Celebrity Clone Lab: Salman Rushdie And Stanley Kubrick
This week on Celebrity Clone Lab it's author Salman Rushdie. If you don't already know, he's the clone of filmmaker Stanley Kubrick, just look at the resemblance! Sal and Stan are known for their controversial art; Salman for his book The Satanic Protocols and Stanley for his masterful direction of the moon landings. Another controversial … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Salman Rushdie And Stanley Kubrick
Harvey Weinstein: Big Pimping
Harvey Weinstein sitting atop the Hollywood Tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G (plus harassment, sexual assault, and rape, allegedly) Everyone on the lower branches gave him way too many chances They ignored or covered up his unwanted sexual advances This was something actresses had to get used ta All 'cause he was a hot shot producer What that means … Continue reading Harvey Weinstein: Big Pimping
Theresa May: Democracy May Never Have Existed
She may have been born in Sussex. She may have studied Geography. She may be married to a bloke called Philip. She may have a shoe fetish. She may live in a flat above a terrace house. She may be scared of snakes. She may be all these things but she's not like us. She grew … Continue reading Theresa May: Democracy May Never Have Existed
Jeremy Corbyn Will Fix Everything
Jeremy Corbyn will fix everything It's not just me fawning Jeremy Corbyn will sort everything He's gonna reverse global warming Jeremy Corbyn will end hunger, death, and disease He's gonna bring peace to all the middle east Jeremy Corbyn will fix everything I'm not being sycophantic Jeremy Corbyn will save lives From the Pacific to … Continue reading Jeremy Corbyn Will Fix Everything
Celebrity Clone Lab: David Icke And Engelbert Humperdinck
This week in the Celebrity Clone Lab is ex-sports broadcaster, writer, and conspiracy theorist David Icke. If you don't know, Icke is a clone of singer Engelbert Humperdinck. Just look at the resemblance! Born in Madras, India, Engelbert moved to Leicester, England when he was aged ten and he later became famous when he released … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: David Icke And Engelbert Humperdinck
Beyoncé: To Bee Or Not To Bee?
This week I am looking into the phenomenon that is The Queen Bee aka Beyonce. Beyonce is a lady who thinks she is a bee, but to be honest she is greatly lacking in “bee qualities" in my estimation: Firstly, she doesn't have a hive, and although she is capable of giving birth to multiple … Continue reading Beyoncé: To Bee Or Not To Bee?
Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Harry Worth
This week on Celebrity Gene Splicing it's Harry Worth, you know, that bloke from the 70s who used to do that shop window reflection joke. Now you may think that he's just a regular chap from Yorkshire but actually he was created in a laboratory by splicing the genes of Harry Hill and David Suchet. … Continue reading Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Harry Worth
Celebrity Clone Lab: Jeff Sessions And Mason Adams
Another new segment for Oddball Times is “Celebrity Clone Lab”. In this section we aim to disclose to you, the reader, all the clone-based gossip from the entertainment world, because we know that you know that Hollywood are cloning celebrities so they can multiply their profits. To kick things off we bring you Jeff Sessions, … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Jeff Sessions And Mason Adams
