The Incredible Casting Crew: Michael Imperioli As Albert DeSalvo
Everyone’s into serial killers these days, so how about… Continue reading The Incredible Casting Crew: Michael Imperioli As Albert DeSalvo
Category: Film
It’s No Joke: White Bloke Says Go Woke Go Broke
From the M-She-U to Get Out, Us and Nope It’s clear Hollywood is going woke I’m white, really straight, a real man’s man So minorities in movies, I really can’t stand This is a brand new thing, so I’m gonna go back To a time when the clapperboard was the only thing black I’m going back in time and I’m not stopping Back when … Continue reading It’s No Joke: White Bloke Says Go Woke Go Broke
Celebrity Clone Lab: Emma Mackey And Margot Robbie
Margot Robbie has a clone! Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Emma Mackey And Margot Robbie
Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Michael Stuhlbarg
If some crazy German-American scientist hypothetically spliced together the genes of Robin Williams and Joaquin Phoenix, would he or she end up with Michael Stuhlbarg? Continue reading Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Michael Stuhlbarg
The Incredible Casting Crew: Waleed Zuaiter As Jimmy Dore
Our big-budget blockbuster about Rich Hall never got green-lit so how about this smaller-scale movie? Continue reading The Incredible Casting Crew: Waleed Zuaiter As Jimmy Dore
Stranger Things Spin-Offs: Pitching From The Upside Down
We have a couple of years to wait for the final season of Stranger Things, but in the meantime we can console ourselves with the fact that there’ll be a spin-off show. But what will that look like you ask? Forget what Finn Wolfhard supposedly guessed, here’s our very own amazing set of ideas, and if any of them get made, we want credit and … Continue reading Stranger Things Spin-Offs: Pitching From The Upside Down
Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Jon Secada
If you’ve ever asked the question “what happens when you splice together the genes of two clones?” (and I’m sure many of you have) we might finally have the answer! We’ve made enquiries and we’re only aware of one such occasion when this totally awesome experiment was carried out. If you take a gander at Hollywood clones Spike Lee and M. Night Shyamalan, when their … Continue reading Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Jon Secada
Tie-In Product Idea: Schwartz Spice And Denis Villeneuve’s Dune
The Schwartz company has been around since the 1800’s, making spices way before Frank Herbert was even born. With Herbert’s novel Dune being turned into a blockbuster film, this is surely the perfect time for these two commodities to be married together? Schwartz may not mine Dune’s fictional drug Melange (aka “Spice”) but they sell a few spices that give you greater vitality; cayenne pepper … Continue reading Tie-In Product Idea: Schwartz Spice And Denis Villeneuve’s Dune
Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Gerard Butler
What happens when you splice together the genes of a presenter and “singer” with an actor? The answer is you get a drunken law student who wanted to be famous! Gerard Butler has played Atilla The Hun, the Transylvanian Dracula, a Greek Spartan King, and the Egyptian god of the desert because he’s just that varied a performer, and of course, he has the super … Continue reading Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Gerard Butler
Tie-In Product Idea: Taken 4 Starring Liam Neeson And The Porsche Taycan
It really amazes me how I come up with my ideas, and no, I’m not just about words sounding the same, I get excited about things sounding the same as well – it’s blooming hilarous! Today’s idea is a sequel to the Taken franchise with an all-important product tie-in, which of course has to be a Porsche Taycan. The film will be called “Taken 4: … Continue reading Tie-In Product Idea: Taken 4 Starring Liam Neeson And The Porsche Taycan
Celebrity Clone Lab: M. Night Shyamalan And Spike Lee
The signs that a celebrity is a clone are obvious, you don’t need a sixth sense to see it… Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: M. Night Shyamalan And Spike Lee
The Incredible Casting Crew: Chris Messina As Jeffrey Epstein
Remember Tom Cruise in American Made? He played real-life cocaine smuggler Barry Seal as a lovable anti-hero. Since Hollywood likes to turn illegalities into entertainment, how about a similar film about Jeffrey Epstein? Continue reading The Incredible Casting Crew: Chris Messina As Jeffrey Epstein
Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Richard Jordan
Celebrity gene splicing is very much like making perfume; you need to add a teeny-weeny bit of something unpleasant to make something pleasant. Case in point: actor Richard Jordan. He was created… Continue reading Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Richard Jordan
The Incredible Casting Crew: Elizabeth Banks As Lady Miss Kier
This time around in our Incredible Casting Crew segment is a biopic about Deee-Lite’s Lady Miss Kier… Continue reading The Incredible Casting Crew: Elizabeth Banks As Lady Miss Kier
Seeing Double: Running Out Of Comic Book Movie Actors
I’ve been getting a touch of déjà vu whilst watching these big-budget superhero films… Continue reading Seeing Double: Running Out Of Comic Book Movie Actors
The Incredible Casting Crew: Russell Howard As George Formby
This time in our Incredible Casting Crew segment is a film called “Turned Out Nice Again”, a nine-hour, 4:3 aspect ratio, black and white musical biopic about George Formby played entirely on the ukulele. Russell Howard, who would travel chronologically and in real time through each of Formby’s films, needs to brush-up on the tiny stringed instrument so we can get this made in time … Continue reading The Incredible Casting Crew: Russell Howard As George Formby
The Secret About The Secret Garden: Dixie Egerickx Is Tom Allen In Disguise
Tom Allen, though popular on television, has never really “made it” in the movies. After appearing in bit parts over the years, Tom has finally bagged a lead role! … Continue reading The Secret About The Secret Garden: Dixie Egerickx Is Tom Allen In Disguise
The Incredible Casting Crew: Daniel Radcliffe As John Lennon
This week in our Incredible Casting Crew segment is a movie called “Some Time In New York City”. This film is all about the last days of John Lennon’s life but there’s an added twist: there’s a love triangle between John (played by Daniel Radcliffe) his wife Yoko Ono (played by Rinko Kikuchi) and John’s assassin Mark Chapman (played by K. Trevor Wilson). Audience members … Continue reading The Incredible Casting Crew: Daniel Radcliffe As John Lennon
The Incredible Casting Crew: Mia Wasikowska As Greta Thunberg
This week in our Incredible Casting Crew segment is a film about Greta Thunberg starring Mia Wasikowska. Instead of your bog-standard biopic, our movie will be a Jason Bourne-style action thriller with Greta … Continue reading The Incredible Casting Crew: Mia Wasikowska As Greta Thunberg
He’s Flush: The Source Of Rishi Sunak’s Investments
It’s a five hour drive from Stanford to Glendale, a trip that Rishi Sunak once took whilst attending Stanford University in California. In 2006 just before graduating, he was spotted lurking around outside Dreamworks Animation in Glendale and was immediately cast in Flushed Away as the lead upper class rat “Roddy”. Influenced by his role and clutching a cheque from Aardman, Rishi moved into a … Continue reading He’s Flush: The Source Of Rishi Sunak’s Investments
Like White On Rice: My Idea For A Tilda Rice Advert
I have a marvellous idea for an ad! This one features actor Tilda Swinton, who thanks to her name, can advertise either Tilda Rice or Swinton Insurance. I assume that since Tilda Swinton played an Asian comic book hero named “The Ancient One” in Marvel’s Doctor Strange, she’ll prefer to put her name to the former, and given that Marvel Studios and writer-director Scott Derrickson … Continue reading Like White On Rice: My Idea For A Tilda Rice Advert
Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Scott Wolf
What do you get if you splice 1 Fox with Mapother to the power of 4? Continue reading Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Scott Wolf
The Incredible Casting Crew: John Malkovich In One Foot In The Grave Reboot
In our latest Incredible Casting Crew segment, we have another fantastic pitch to the entertainment industry. This time it’s a reboot of the classic 90’s sitcom One Foot In The Grave starring none other than John Malkovich! Picture it: a grumpy Victor Meldrew played with the same dark, monotone voice of Cyrus The Virus from Con Air or Mitch Leary from In The Line Of … Continue reading The Incredible Casting Crew: John Malkovich In One Foot In The Grave Reboot
Putting The Rape Into Rapeseed Oil And The Butt Into Butter: My Idea For An Olive Oil Advert
What’s better for your health? Cooking with butter or cooking with oil? Experts say that butter isn’t all that bad, it contains many nutrients including Vitamin K2 (and other letter and number combinations). But I’m not here to say what health benefits there are or to tell you the smoke-point stats, I just need a marketing ploy to get rid of the two dozen boxes … Continue reading Putting The Rape Into Rapeseed Oil And The Butt Into Butter: My Idea For An Olive Oil Advert
Greenlit: Two More Artist Biopics Starring Timothy Spall
After a couple of films in which Timothy Spall played artists J.M.W. Turner and L.S. Lowry, the question remains: will Tim play any more daubers of paint? Will he portray any more makers of assorted objet d’art? The answer is: of course he will! Spall is now set to play the mysterious graffiti artist Banksy and tapestry and vase creator Grayson Perry. Oh, how the … Continue reading Greenlit: Two More Artist Biopics Starring Timothy Spall
The Incredible Casting Crew: Keanu Reeves As Richard D. Hall
This week in our Incredible Casting Crew segment is Beyond The Starship, a semi-fictionalised movie about Richard D. Hall, presenter of Richplanet. Keanu Reeves plays the lead role of Rich Hall; he investigates UFO sightings, fabricated terrorism including 9/11, as well as mind control, and hidden history. The problem is, these “conspiracies” are all linked and anyone who exposes the truth is at risk of … Continue reading The Incredible Casting Crew: Keanu Reeves As Richard D. Hall
An Offer You Can’t Refuse: A Tropicana Sanguinello Advertising Idea
Francis Ford Coppola has been messing with his movies over the last decade or so, needlessly lengthening films such as Apocalypse Now and The Outsiders. Whether he’s ruined his own films by re-editing them or not (and he has) the fact that he doesn’t mind fiddling with his own creations surely means that my idea for a movie tie-in advertising campaign will go down pretty … Continue reading An Offer You Can’t Refuse: A Tropicana Sanguinello Advertising Idea
Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Chris Pine
It’s not true what they say: Chris Pine isn’t the son of actors Robert Pine and Gwynne Gilford, oh no, he’s a hybridised clone! For proof, we ask you to look at Pine’s Leonardo DiCaprio-esque eyes and his Brian Thompson-esque jaw, he’s so obviously an amalgamation of the two actors. One day during a power blackout, the DNA of Thompson (star of The Terminator and … Continue reading Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Chris Pine
The Incredible Casting Crew: Bella Thorne In A Tiffany Darwish Biopic
Here at Oddball Times we don’t sit on our laurels. We’ve created another brand-spanking new segment for you to enjoy called “The Incredible Casting Crew“. In this section, we will prove to Hollywood that we’re the world’s greatest casting directors (and the best Photoshoppers on the planet)! Our first pitch to the film industry is a biopic about Tiffany, the ’80s teen singer. The movie … Continue reading The Incredible Casting Crew: Bella Thorne In A Tiffany Darwish Biopic
Pokémon Detective Pikachu: A Load Of Bull
Peter Bull never could decide which profession to focus on: he was an actor, a Lieutenant-Commander in the Royal Navy, a shopkeeper, and a writer. Leap-frogging from one job to another, the one thing Bull always wanted to do was learn how to mime. So in 1984, he faked his death and honed his craft for 35 years until he was the world’s foremost mime … Continue reading Pokémon Detective Pikachu: A Load Of Bull
Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Leslie Parrish
Leslie Parrish, who starred in the original Manchurian Candidate was made by splicing the genes of Lena Heady and Margot Robbie. I bet you didn’t know that! Quite unexpectedly, Leslie Parrish turned out much better than her progenitors; she was an activist and environmentalist, she fought against the Vietnam War and for civil rights, she created a television station that pre-empted C-SPAN, she built a … Continue reading Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Leslie Parrish
Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Odeya Rush
“Thank God” the scientists shouted as the genes of Mila Kunis and Chloë Grace Moretz were successfully spliced together seconds before the deadline of May 12th 1997. The result of the experiment was then named after this celebratory outcry; “Odeya” (which means “Thank God” in Hebrew) “Rush” (signifying the time it took to create her) is now a talented actor and model thanks to this … Continue reading Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Odeya Rush
Acting Is Acting And Actors Are Actors: A Guide To Hollywood Casting For Minorities
For all those who defend mainstream Hollywood casting decisions that favour straight, white, male actors (people usually heard yelling “it’s an actor’s job is to play somebody they’re not” or “an actor should be allowed to play any character”) here’s a handy little guide for you to peruse… Can a white male actor play a white male role? Yes. Can a white male actor play … Continue reading Acting Is Acting And Actors Are Actors: A Guide To Hollywood Casting For Minorities
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