It's not just my mate, my mucker, mi old fella mi lad B.I./O.S. who comes up with adverts, I have a marvelous idea for an ad too! This one features actor Tilda Swinton, who thanks to her name, can advertise either Tilda Rice or Swinton Insurance. I assume that since Tilda Swinton played an Asian … Continue reading Like White On Rice: My Idea For A Tilda Rice Advert
Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Scott Wolf
What do you get if you splice 1 Fox with Mapother to the power of 4?
The Incredible Casting Crew: John Malkovich In One Foot In The Grave Reboot
In our latest Incredible Casting Crew segment, we have another fantastic pitch to the entertainment industry. This time it's a reboot of the classic 90's sitcom One Foot In The Grave starring none other than John Malkovich! Picture it: a grumpy Victor Meldrew played with the same dark, monotone voice of Cyrus The Virus from … Continue reading The Incredible Casting Crew: John Malkovich In One Foot In The Grave Reboot
Putting The Rape Into Rapeseed Oil And The Butt Into Butter: My Idea For An Olive Oil Advert
What's better for your health? Cooking with butter or cooking with oil? Experts say that butter isn't all that bad, it contains many nutrients including Vitamin K2 (and other letter and number combinations). But I'm not here to say what health benefits there are or to tell you the smoke-point stats, I just need a … Continue reading Putting The Rape Into Rapeseed Oil And The Butt Into Butter: My Idea For An Olive Oil Advert
Greenlit: Two More Artist Biopics Starring Timothy Spall
After a couple of films in which Timothy Spall played artists J.M.W. Turner and L.S. Lowry, the question remains: will Tim play any more daubers of paint? Will he portray any more makers of assorted objet d'art? The answer is: of course he will! Spall is now set to play the mysterious graffiti artist Banksy … Continue reading Greenlit: Two More Artist Biopics Starring Timothy Spall
The Incredible Casting Crew: Keanu Reeves As Richard D. Hall
This week in our Incredible Casting Crew segment is Beyond The Starship, a semi-fictionalised movie about Richard D. Hall, presenter of Richplanet. Keanu Reeves plays the lead role of Rich Hall; he investigates UFO sightings, fabricated terrorism including 9/11, as well as mind control, and hidden history. The problem is, these "conspiracies" are all linked … Continue reading The Incredible Casting Crew: Keanu Reeves As Richard D. Hall
An Offer You Can’t Refuse: A Tropicana Sanguinello Advertising Idea
Francis Ford Coppola has been messing with his movies over the last decade or so, needlessly lengthening films such as Apocalypse Now and The Outsiders. Whether he's ruined his own films by re-editing them or not (and he has) the fact that he doesn't mind fiddling with his own creations surely means that my idea … Continue reading An Offer You Can’t Refuse: A Tropicana Sanguinello Advertising Idea
Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Chris Pine
It's not true what they say: Chris Pine isn't the son of actors Robert Pine and Gwynne Gilford, oh no, he's a hybridised clone! For proof, we ask you to look at Pine's Leonardo DiCaprio-esque eyes and his Brian Thompson-esque jaw, he's so obviously an amalgamation of the two actors. One day during a power … Continue reading Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Chris Pine
The Incredible Casting Crew: Bella Thorne In A Tiffany Darwish Biopic
Here at Oddball Times we don't sit on our laurels. We've created another brand-spanking new segment for you to enjoy called "The Incredible Casting Crew". In this section, we will prove to Hollywood that we're the world's greatest casting directors (and the best Photoshoppers on the planet)! Our first pitch to the film industry is … Continue reading The Incredible Casting Crew: Bella Thorne In A Tiffany Darwish Biopic
Pokémon Detective Pikachu: A Load Of Bull
Peter Bull never could decide which profession to focus on: he was an actor, a Lieutenant-Commander in the Royal Navy, a shopkeeper, and a writer. Leap-frogging from one job to another, the one thing Bull always wanted to do was learn how to mime. So in 1984, he faked his death and honed his craft … Continue reading Pokémon Detective Pikachu: A Load Of Bull
Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Leslie Parrish
Leslie Parrish, who starred in the original Manchurian Candidate was made by splicing the genes of Lena Heady and Margot Robbie. I bet you didn't know that! Quite unexpectedly, Leslie Parrish turned out much better than her progenitors; she was an activist and environmentalist, she fought against the Vietnam War and for civil rights, she … Continue reading Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Leslie Parrish
Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Odeya Rush
"Thank God" the scientists shouted as the genes of Mila Kunis and Chloë Grace Moretz were successfully spliced together seconds before the deadline of May 12th 1997. The result of the experiment was then named after this celebratory outcry; “Odeya” (which means "Thank God" in Hebrew) “Rush” (signifying the time it took to create her) … Continue reading Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Odeya Rush
Acting Is Acting And Actors Are Actors: A Guide To Hollywood Casting For Minorities
For all those who defend mainstream Hollywood casting decisions that favour straight, white, male actors (people usually heard yelling "it's an actor's job is to play somebody they're not" or "an actor should be allowed to play any character") here's a handy little guide for you to peruse... Can a white male actor play a … Continue reading Acting Is Acting And Actors Are Actors: A Guide To Hollywood Casting For Minorities
Yorkshire Bank: Being Penny-Wise
Have you tried logging in to Yorkshire Bank lately? The page where you enter your login details features a strange, disconcerting image on the top left hand side, in fact I'm sure I've seen it somewhere else. After visiting the site a few times I realised what it was; it's that scene from the film IT, … Continue reading Yorkshire Bank: Being Penny-Wise
Greenlit: A Big-Budget Andy Serkis Biopic
The life of Andy Serkis is to be told as a big-budget Hollywood movie sources tell us. The story of a young lad from Ruislip Manor going on to college, studying theatre and eventually becoming the foremost Motion Capture performer, has been green-lit for production. Studio executives have said that because of the popularity of … Continue reading Greenlit: A Big-Budget Andy Serkis Biopic
Tie-In Product Idea: John Wick And Air Wick
When a film such as John Wick becomes popular, it's time to think product tie-ins. There's no doubt that John Wick and John Wick: Chapter 2 were massive hits at the box office, with the first movie netting over $88 million and the second instalment grossing over $171 million. It's obvious that the next film … Continue reading Tie-In Product Idea: John Wick And Air Wick
Targeting The Pink Pound: Kinky Reboots
I think we need to bring back Pink Panther...
Harvey Weinstein’s Secret Therapy: What It’s Like Being A Woman
Shortly after the world discovered that Harvey Weinstein was an alleged sexual harasser, sexual assaulter, and rapist, the man went under the radar and seemingly dropped off the map. There were reports that he was “in treatment” but people are now beginning to ask “what treatment?” and “where?”. Well, we have an exclusive for you … Continue reading Harvey Weinstein’s Secret Therapy: What It’s Like Being A Woman
Cultural Appropriation Month: Black Superheroes
I was wondering the other day, when Professor Xavier opened his X-Mansion at 1407 Graymalkin Lane, Salem Center, Westchester County, New York and gathered his X-Men, why amongst Wolverine, Rogue, Jean Grey, Cyclops, Beast and Gambit didn't they include Malcolm? He lived and worked in New York so he wouldn't have had far to travel … Continue reading Cultural Appropriation Month: Black Superheroes
Beware Of Dyson’s Creations: Predictions Of Our Future In Terminator 2
The movie Terminator 2: Judgment Day was very prophetic; we now have drones in the sky gunning people down, robots are evolving on a daily basis, and with Google, Alexa, Siri and Cortana, we're moving ever-closer to a Skynet-type artificial intelligence overthrowing the human race. So if James Cameron's film accurately predicted our future demise, … Continue reading Beware Of Dyson’s Creations: Predictions Of Our Future In Terminator 2
Far From The Maddening Crowd: My Interview With Tom Hardy
Do you know who I saw whilst I was visiting Hammersmith this week? None other than Thomas Hardy! He looked wonderful, some wrinkles but not many for his age. He wasn't wearing his usual tailcoat, double-breasted vest and wing-tip collar... oh no, not a hat or a pair of gloves in sight. In fact he … Continue reading Far From The Maddening Crowd: My Interview With Tom Hardy
Tom Cruise And Suri Cruise: Mistaken A.I.dentity
This week I went out to California to meet Tom Cruise. I felt overwhelmed but I managed to ask Tom how it felt to be a father and what it was like to be one of three dads. I was amongst other reporters so I think he didn't hear me. I continued unperturbed. I asked … Continue reading Tom Cruise And Suri Cruise: Mistaken A.I.dentity
Celebrity Clone Lab: Salman Rushdie And Stanley Kubrick
This week on Celebrity Clone Lab it's author Salman Rushdie. If you don't already know, he's the clone of filmmaker Stanley Kubrick, just look at the resemblance! Sal and Stan are known for their controversial art; Salman for his book The Satanic Protocols and Stanley for his masterful direction of the moon landings. Another controversial … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Salman Rushdie And Stanley Kubrick
Harvey Weinstein: Big Pimping
Harvey Weinstein sitting atop the Hollywood Tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G (plus harassment, sexual assault, and rape, allegedly) Everyone on the lower branches gave him way too many chances They ignored or covered up his unwanted sexual advances This was something actresses had to get used ta All 'cause he was a hot shot producer What that means … Continue reading Harvey Weinstein: Big Pimping
