Hello all, I’m Boris Johnson, and in this general election I ask that you disregard my past when you make your selection… I breached Commons expenses rules, I backed the Iraq War I think Tower Hamlets and Bradford want to impose sharia law I’ve campaigned across England, I’ve travelled many, many miles Looking for flag-waving piccaninnies with their watermelon smiles Asians should vote Conservative, that … Continue reading Vote Boris Johnson! Says Boris Johnson
I love this stuff that falls from above As light as air and as white as a dove It covers the house, the car, the ground Without so much as making a sound I love this cold stuff, I’m such a fan I can mould it to make a chubby little man I can turn it into balls, bricks, a number of things I can … Continue reading Snow Delay: A British Christmas Tradition
In the good old days when I was just a lad You could say what you wanted, oh, the fun that we had! Now everything I say is “wrong”, what I do is “bad” Can’t say or do anything, it’s P.C. gone mad There’s nowt wrong with me saying “coloured” or “queer” But now it’s “keep quiet or the coloured queers ‘ll hear” When I … Continue reading Can’t Say Or Do Anything Any More: It’s Political Correctness Gone Mad!
Kids played freely in the street Eating Spam instead of meat Back when you could leave your front door unlocked Gossiping over the garden fence You could buy a week’s shopping with half-a-pence Back when you could leave your front door unlocked You knew the name of the people next door All cosy in the shelter during the war Back when you could leave your … Continue reading Back When You Could Leave Your Front Door Unlocked
Today I thought I’d give Absolute Radio a go … Continue reading 80s & 90s Radio: Absolutely Not What I Was Listening To!
This week I asked two Brits, one Brexiteer and one Remainer About how they voted in the referendum, they said it was a no-brainer Tarquin said… “The EU is a utopia, it’s a beacon of peace And no, I don’t care how the EU treated Greece I voted remain because Richard Branson told me to My golly gosh, I do love the EU Brexit is … Continue reading Exit Stage Left Or Brexit Stage Right: What Is The Correct Position?
Who is that fat, white man? There’s pictures of him everywhere He has a swag bag, a beard, and long white hair I’ve heard he rides flying horned creatures but that’s probably a lie They say I have to leave him a mince pie but no one can tell me why They say he comes down chimneys and that he doesn’t need a key I’m … Continue reading Who’s That Fat Intruder?
Harvey Weinstein sitting atop the Hollywood Tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G (plus harassment, sexual assault, and rape, allegedly) Everyone on the lower branches gave him way too many chances They ignored or covered up his unwanted sexual advances This was something actresses had to get used ta All ’cause he was a hot shot producer What that means folks, is he had the power To fill the cinema … Continue reading Harvey Weinstein: Big Pimping
Jeremy Corbyn will fix everything It’s not just me fawning Jeremy Corbyn will sort everything He’s gonna reverse global warming Jeremy Corbyn will end hunger, death, and disease He’s gonna bring peace to all the middle east Jeremy Corbyn will fix everything I’m not being sycophantic Jeremy Corbyn will save lives From the Pacific to the Atlantic Jeremy Corbyn will save the condor, the rhino, … Continue reading Jeremy Corbyn Will Fix Everything