In this difficult time, spare a thought for all the right-wing Islamophobes out there. After railing against halal meat and burkas for two decades, gammon across the nation now find themselves in a bit of a pickle. Since traditional supermarket shelves are being emptied by panic buyers, the only place to buy food is at … Continue reading Confusing Times For Gammon: Inadvertent Self-Hatred Amidst The Coronavirus
After a flurry of panic buying and hoarding, supermarkets across Britain have put limits into place. Tesco, Sainsbury's and Asda have all put a three-product limit on various grocery items but what about other retailers? I haven't heard anything on the news about Fortnum & Mason. Can I only purchase three tins of Baerii Caviar? … Continue reading We Have Our Limits: COVID-19 Panic Buying Affecting All Establishments
After the first report in the early ‘80s, every news channel, radio station and newspaper wouldn't stop talking about it... it was something called “Aids”. During the 1980s, the public were inundated with information about it. Aids this, Aids that... Aids spread across the globe almost like a virus. It's easy to admit now, but … Continue reading Almost Like A Disease: The Outbreak Of AIDS In The ‘80s
Hello all, I'm Boris Johnson, and in this general election I ask that you disregard my past when you make your selection... I breached Commons expenses rules, I backed the Iraq War I think Tower Hamlets and Bradford want to impose sharia law I've campaigned across England, I've travelled many, many miles Looking for flag-waving … Continue reading Vote Boris Johnson! Says Boris Johnson
Operation Yellowhammer, a contingency plan subtitled “Reasonable Worst Case Planning Assumptions”, has been cooked-up by the government in case of a "No Deal" Brexit. If that occurs, the folks in charge predict there'll be medication shortages, food supply problems, and protests in the streets. Operation Yellowhammer, if you didn't know, involves 90's “rapper” MC Hammer … Continue reading Operation Yellowhammer: Please Hammer Don’t Hurt ‘Em
In the good old days when I was just a lad You could say what you wanted, oh, the fun that we had! Now everything I say is “wrong”, what I do is "bad" Can't say or do anything, it's P.C. gone mad There's nowt wrong with me saying “coloured” or “queer” But now it's … Continue reading Can’t Say Or Do Anything Any More: It’s Political Correctness Gone Mad!
Remember when Donald Trump said he could stand on New York’s Fifth Avenue and “shoot somebody” and still not lose any voters? Unfortunately this is true. The Teflon Don can pretty much do and say whatever he wants without any repercussions. No matter how many times he lies and cheats Trump never ever faces justice, … Continue reading No Justice, No Hairpiece: A Subliminal Image Of Donald Trump At The Department Of Justice
Choices, choices... who will become leader?
After hearing the news that the old Emperor would be abdicating and the new Emperor would be succeeding him in May, I went half way across the globe to see the preparations for the great ceremony. I'll be honest with you, I wasn't keen on the last Emperor, what with the double life, the destroying … Continue reading A New Emperor: News From The Imperial Palace
This week in the Celebrity Clone Lab is comedian Lewis Black. If you don't know, he's the clone of retired four-star general and ex-secretary of state Colin Powell! Colin Powell, if you don't remember, was the bloke who gave that remarkable presentation to the U.N. in 2003. Colin was confident that Iraq had weapons of … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Colin Powell And Lewis Black
After fighting war after war against dictators and fascists, Britain now pays homage to dictatorships and fascism by forcing its citizens to wear the remembrance poppy. Brits love being pressured to don the red flower every November (and now October) as it apparently helps them remember how free they are. The public are reminded that … Continue reading Poppy Fascism Has Spread: From The Poppies In Flanders Field To The Poppy Fields In Afghanistan To The Lapel Of Spineless Celebrities
Now that Colin Kaepernick has trademarked his face, I have a fantastic idea for a Kaepernick-endorsed product and since he's up for marketing himself for the likes of Nike, I'm sure he'll love my idea. So what hair-brained concept have I come with today I hear you ask? Well, it's a pair of Colin Kaepernick … Continue reading Product Idea: Colin Kaepernick Knee Pads
This week I asked two Brits, one Brexiteer and one Remainer About how they voted in the referendum, they said it was a no-brainer Tarquin said... “The EU is a utopia, it's a beacon of peace And no, I don't care how the EU treated Greece I voted remain because Richard Branson told me to … Continue reading Exit Stage Left Or Brexit Stage Right: What Is The Correct Position?
Various far-right groups rallied today in cities around the world to protest against immigration...
The farm I visited today had a couple of unhappy pigs, not because they were being intensively farmed, were living in bad conditions, being fed non-organic swill, and not because they were going to slaughter very soon. Their gripe was about something altogether different. They said that even though they would prefer not to have … Continue reading Gammon: Getting To The Bottom Of Things
What the masonic hell is going on?! I made all the necessary preparations to infiltrate this year's Bilderberg Group Meeting, I took my camera, my placard saying “I'm with Alex Jones“ (I was planning on getting her autograph later, love The One Show on the BBC), I also took some sandwiches and a flask of … Continue reading If You Go Down In The Woods Today: En Route To The Bilderberg Group
I was wondering the other day, when Professor Xavier opened his X-Mansion at 1407 Graymalkin Lane, Salem Center, Westchester County, New York and gathered his X-Men, why amongst Wolverine, Rogue, Jean Grey, Cyclops, Beast and Gambit didn't they include Malcolm? He lived and worked in New York so he wouldn't have had far to travel … Continue reading Cultural Appropriation Month: Black Superheroes
Every time there's a school shooting, politicians, pundits, and members of the public question what we should change... Maybe we should arm the teachers? Err... no, imagine your worst P.E. teacher with a Glock? Terrible idea. Okay, so maybe we should place body scanners in all schools? Err... no, imagine all the nonce security guards … Continue reading From Swots to SWAT: The Obvious Solution To Prevent School Shootings
She may have been born in Sussex. She may have studied Geography. She may be married to a bloke called Philip. She may have a shoe fetish. She may live in a flat above a terrace house. She may be scared of snakes. She may be all these things but she's not like us. She grew … Continue reading Theresa May: Democracy May Never Have Existed
Jeremy Corbyn will fix everything It's not just me fawning Jeremy Corbyn will sort everything He's gonna reverse global warming Jeremy Corbyn will end hunger, death, and disease He's gonna bring peace to all the middle east Jeremy Corbyn will fix everything I'm not being sycophantic Jeremy Corbyn will save lives From the Pacific to … Continue reading Jeremy Corbyn Will Fix Everything
This week I went to Washington D.C. to meet Donald Trump. I wanted to know how he had become President and why so many people hated him. When I got to Washington it was difficult getting an interview as there were a stream of Presidential bodyguards. I finally managed to shout my questions at … Continue reading Donald J. Trump: What It’s Like Being On Top