A cartoon of office cubicles with happy workers

Covid Schmovid: Getting Back To The Old Normal

Come on now, all you hesitant people, why are you all scared of getting the COVID vaccine? I’m raring to get out of my house and back to my 2 hour commute to work. I can’t wait not to tell a waiter that my salad had a hair in it and that the glass had the last customer’s lipstick on it. I’m chomping at the … Continue reading Covid Schmovid: Getting Back To The Old Normal

A cartoon of a syringe going through the heads and ears of black and minority ethnic people

This Time It’ll Be Okay: Wham BAME Thank You Fam

I watched the COVID public service announcement on TV for the B.A.M.E. community eagerly. Well blow me, there’s nothing like forgetting the Tuskegee Syphilis Experiment after Beverley Knight tells us “all we have to do is just take the vaccine”. They assured us that the COVID vaccine has gone through as many “strict process and regulations as other vaccines like measles, mumps, rubella and TB”…well … Continue reading This Time It’ll Be Okay: Wham BAME Thank You Fam

Coronavirus wearing santa hats alongside oranges with cloves in them

Looking Closely At The Coronavirus: Why Christmas Rules Are So Different

After hearing the recent news about Xmas 2020 celebrations here in the UK, you might be thinking to yourself “why is the government allowing a three-house bubble during Christmas?”. Hindus, Muslims, Sikhs and Jews didn’t get to extend their “bubble” during their festivals so what’s so special about this Christian holiday? With the Coronavirus in full infectious swing, what’s going to stop our family and … Continue reading Looking Closely At The Coronavirus: Why Christmas Rules Are So Different

Christmas stockings with Coronavirus related gifts in them

Have A Merry COVID Christmas And A Happy New Vaccinated Year!

Christmas is always an exciting time and this year will be one of a kind. You’ve had a smashing year so far with five months off school. Even when you’ve had to go back, you can sit on your own instead of sharing with some dickhead your mum paired you up with when you were 2 and he’s now stuck to you like shit to … Continue reading Have A Merry COVID Christmas And A Happy New Vaccinated Year!

A cartoon image of three trick or treaters holding buckets and antibacterial wipes

Tales From The Creepy COVID Crypt: A 2020 Halloween Special

What will you be doing this Halloween? You can’t go out with your 5 friends to trick or treat your neighbours, unless you live in a group home. You’ll have to go on your own or walk 2 metres away from your friend like a depressing zombie movie. At least you can throw toilet rolls and eggs at your neighbours, but they will probably open … Continue reading Tales From The Creepy COVID Crypt: A 2020 Halloween Special

A heist blueprint involving stealing keys

The Key Cutting Caper: How Key Workers Ruined My Pandemic Pilferage

Having read the government’s statement about certain people being asked to continue working whilst the rest of us stay at home (due to this pesky joint US/Chinese lab-rat-bat virus pandemic) I felt very happy. Without divulging my methods, I recently “happened upon” my neighbour’s shed key in order to “borrow” his lawnmower and so I used my one-hour allocated exercise period to take it to … Continue reading The Key Cutting Caper: How Key Workers Ruined My Pandemic Pilferage

Russell Hornsby as Lincoln Rhyme in Hunt For The Bone Collector searching for Bone Thugs-N-Harmony albums

Sky Witness, No Surrender: A Review Of The Bone Collector

I don’t know about you, but I’m not impressed with the TV series Lincoln Rhyme: Hunt For The Bone Collector, in fact it’s not much better than the 1999 Denzel Washington film. The problems with the show are vast: it’s not set in St. Clair, there’s no crossroads anywhere to be seen, and there is absolutely no mention of Mr. Ouija! Yes, there’s a few … Continue reading Sky Witness, No Surrender: A Review Of The Bone Collector

A cartoon of a hedgehog going shopping during the COVID-19 crisis

Hogging It All: The Life Of A Hedgehog Amidst The Coronavirus Pandemic

As I do each year, I woke up to sun hitting my face. I love this time of year, the end of hibernation means I can get out and about, meet friends and enjoy the fresh air. Today I looked out and saw a wonderfully sunny day and I thought “right, that’s it, what I need right now is a stroll in the sun to … Continue reading Hogging It All: The Life Of A Hedgehog Amidst The Coronavirus Pandemic

A cartoon of two white nationalists in face masks lying on the floor after assulting each other

Confusing Times For Gammon: Inadvertent Self-Hatred Amidst The Coronavirus

In this difficult time, spare a thought for all the right-wing Islamophobes out there. After railing against halal meat and burkas for two decades, gammon across the nation now find themselves in a bit of a pickle. Since traditional supermarket shelves are being emptied by panic buyers, the only place to buy food is at their local Asian mini-marts. After swallowing their pride and donning … Continue reading Confusing Times For Gammon: Inadvertent Self-Hatred Amidst The Coronavirus

A parody image of Harrods paracetamol and Fortnum & Mason toilet paper

We Have Our Limits: COVID-19 Panic Buying Affecting All Establishments

After a flurry of panic buying and hoarding, supermarkets across Britain have put limits into place. Tesco, Sainsbury’s and Asda have all put a three-product limit on various grocery items but what about other retailers? I haven’t heard anything on the news about Fortnum & Mason. Can I only purchase three tins of Baerii Caviar? It’s only an “entry level caviar” and at £55.00 per … Continue reading We Have Our Limits: COVID-19 Panic Buying Affecting All Establishments

A caricature of Boris Johnson in blue by Oddball Times

Vote Boris Johnson! Says Boris Johnson

Hello all, I’m Boris Johnson, and in this general election, I ask that you disregard my past when you make your selection… I breached Commons expenses rules, I backed the Iraq War, I think Tower Hamlets and Bradford want to impose sharia law.   I’ve campaigned across England, I’ve travelled many, many miles, Looking for flag-waving piccaninnies with their watermelon smiles. Asians should vote Conservative, … Continue reading Vote Boris Johnson! Says Boris Johnson

A cartoon of a Guy about to be set on fire on Bonfire Night. By Oddball Times

Remember Remember What We Do In November

Did you know that celebrations are held all over the world in November? For example… In Thailand they have a lantern festival where they release thousands of colourful candle-lit lanterns into the sky and along the river as a homage to Buddha. In India they have a festival of light, when houses, shops and public places are decorated with oil lamps and fireworks are set … Continue reading Remember Remember What We Do In November

A cartoon of a right-wing, racist, sexist, homophobic gammon. By Oddball Times

Can’t Say Or Do Anything Any More: It’s Political Correctness Gone Mad!

In the good old days when I was just a lad, You could say what you wanted, oh, the fun that we had! Now everything I say is “wrong”, what I do is “bad”, Can’t say or do anything, it’s P.C. gone mad.   There’s nowt wrong with me saying “coloured” or “queer”, But now it’s “keep quiet or the coloured queers ‘ll hear”. When … Continue reading Can’t Say Or Do Anything Any More: It’s Political Correctness Gone Mad!

Jonas Blue and Tiesto hiding behind a music stand. By Oddball Times

Behind The Lyrics: Ritual By Tiësto, Jonas Blue And Rita Ora

The song “Ritual” isn’t about a ritual at all, no, it’s all about how a relationship can be paradoxically both fulfilling and demanding or rewarding and punishing. The writers chose wool to be the metaphor for love (and your lover) because it’s both warming and irritating. Just listen to the chorus once more, Rita Ora actually sings “Oh, you’ll always be my itchy wool” which … Continue reading Behind The Lyrics: Ritual By Tiësto, Jonas Blue And Rita Ora

An image of Donald Trump looking at the department of justice seal. By Oddball Times

No Justice, No Hairpiece: A Subliminal Image Of Donald Trump At The Department Of Justice

Remember when Donald Trump said he could stand on New York’s Fifth Avenue and “shoot somebody” and still not lose any voters? Unfortunately this is true. The Teflon Don can pretty much do and say whatever he wants without any repercussions. No matter how many times he lies and cheats Trump never ever faces justice, but why? Well it’s all to do with subliminal imagery … Continue reading No Justice, No Hairpiece: A Subliminal Image Of Donald Trump At The Department Of Justice

Lil Nas X hiding behind a music stand. By Oddball Times

Behind The Lyrics: Old Town Road By Lil Nas X

It’s not Lil Kim… it’s not Nas… and it’s not DMX… no, it’s Lil Nas X in this week’s Behind The Lyrics segment… yeah! Lil Nas X’s ditty “Old Town Road” has been a huge success but did you know that the song title is incorrect? That’s right, this title was used to cover up the true lyrics which if you don’t know are: “I’m … Continue reading Behind The Lyrics: Old Town Road By Lil Nas X

The Japanese flag with the Death Star in the centre being interviewed by an Oddball Times microphone

A New Emperor: News From The Imperial Palace

After hearing the news that the old Emperor would be abdicating and the new Emperor would be succeeding him in May, I went half way across the globe to see the preparations for the great ceremony. I’ll be honest with you, I wasn’t keen on the last Emperor, what with the double life, the destroying of the Jedi Order and being an all-round menace. As … Continue reading A New Emperor: News From The Imperial Palace

An illustration of Thalia the muse of comedy and Melpomene the muse of tragedy shown as black and white people. By Oddball Times

Acting Is Acting And Actors Are Actors: A Guide To Hollywood Casting For Minorities

For all those who defend mainstream Hollywood casting decisions that favour straight, white, male actors (people usually heard yelling “it’s an actor’s job is to play somebody they’re not” or “an actor should be allowed to play any character”) here’s a handy little guide for you to peruse… Can a white male actor play a white male role? Yes. Can a white male actor play … Continue reading Acting Is Acting And Actors Are Actors: A Guide To Hollywood Casting For Minorities

A cartoon of an open front door with burglars, rapists and murderers waiting outside. By Oddball Times

Back When You Could Leave Your Front Door Unlocked

Kids played freely in the street Eating Spam instead of meat Back when you could leave your front door unlocked   Gossiping over the garden fence You could buy a week’s shopping with half-a-pence Back when you could leave your front door unlocked   You knew the name of the people next door All cosy in the shelter during the war Back when you could … Continue reading Back When You Could Leave Your Front Door Unlocked

A parody of Lord Kitchener Wants You poster to illustrate poppy fascism. By Oddball Times

Poppy Fascism Has Spread: From The Poppies In Flanders Field To The Poppy Fields In Afghanistan To The Lapel Of Spineless Celebrities

After fighting war after war against dictators and fascists, Britain now pays homage to dictatorships and fascism by forcing its citizens to wear the remembrance poppy. Brits love being pressured to don the red flower every November (and now October) as it apparently helps them remember how free they are. The public are reminded that the poppy has nothing to do with militarism although it … Continue reading Poppy Fascism Has Spread: From The Poppies In Flanders Field To The Poppy Fields In Afghanistan To The Lapel Of Spineless Celebrities

A parody of the Nike Colin Kaepernick advert. By Oddball Times

Product Idea: Colin Kaepernick Knee Pads

Now that Colin Kaepernick has trademarked his face, I have a fantastic idea for a Kaepernick-endorsed product and since he’s up for marketing himself for the likes of Nike, I’m sure he’ll love my idea. So what hair-brained concept have I come with today I hear you ask? Well, it’s a pair of Colin Kaepernick knee-pads! These knee pads could be produced by any power … Continue reading Product Idea: Colin Kaepernick Knee Pads

A cartoon of a Remain voter and a Leave voter fighting in front of a British and E.U. flag. By Oddball Times

Exit Stage Left Or Brexit Stage Right: What Is The Correct Position?

This week I asked two Brits, one Brexiteer and one Remainer About how they voted in the referendum, they said it was a no-brainer   Tarquin said…   “The EU is a utopia, it’s a beacon of peace And no, I don’t care how the EU treated Greece I voted remain because Richard Branson told me to My golly gosh, I do love the EU … Continue reading Exit Stage Left Or Brexit Stage Right: What Is The Correct Position?

A parody movie poster for an Andy Serkis biopic. By Oddball Times

Greenlit: A Big-Budget Andy Serkis Biopic

The life of Andy Serkis is to be told as a big-budget Hollywood movie sources tell us. The story of a young lad from Ruislip Manor going on to college, studying theatre and eventually becoming the foremost Motion Capture performer, has been green-lit for production. Studio executives have said that because of the popularity of CGI films and Motion-Capture performances, Serkis’ biopic will be entirely … Continue reading Greenlit: A Big-Budget Andy Serkis Biopic

A parody advert for Air Wick using the character of John Wick holding the air freshener and posing as the Jumpman Logo. By Oddball Times

Tie-In Product Idea: John Wick And Air Wick

When a film such as John Wick becomes popular, it’s time to think product tie-ins. There’s no doubt that John Wick and John Wick: Chapter 2 were massive hits at the box office, with the first movie netting over $88 million and the second instalment grossing over $171 million. It’s obvious that the next film in the series will be a bigger success and with … Continue reading Tie-In Product Idea: John Wick And Air Wick

A cartoon image of a pig with the gammon section being interviewed by a reporter. By Oddball Times

Gammon: Getting To The Bottom Of Things

The farm I visited today had a couple of unhappy pigs, not because they were being intensively farmed, were living in bad conditions, being fed non-organic swill, and not because they were going to slaughter very soon. Their gripe was about something altogether different. They said that even though they would prefer not to have their backsides cured, turned to gammon and placed on a … Continue reading Gammon: Getting To The Bottom Of Things

An image of Netta Barzilai alongside Harvey Weinstein showing that they look similar

Harvey Weinstein’s Secret Therapy: What It’s Like Being A Woman

Shortly after the world discovered that Harvey Weinstein was an alleged sexual harasser, sexual assaulter, and rapist, the man went under the radar and seemingly dropped off the map. There were reports that he was “in treatment” but people are now beginning to ask “what treatment?” and “where?”. Well, we have an exclusive for you folks, Harvey was forced by the Center For Misogyny Reassignment … Continue reading Harvey Weinstein’s Secret Therapy: What It’s Like Being A Woman