An image of a salt shaker containing 50% less salt. By Oddball Times

Cutting Your Intake By Half: How The Government Plans To Further Reduce Sugar And Salt

“This government isn’t for raising taxes, we’re for cutting taxes, in fact we’re known for cuts, that’s why we introduced a Sugar Tax, not to raise money from it but to cut the sugar from your diet.” That was the statement given by the Minister Of Duplicity today who went on to say that the population has become a nation of sugar and salt addicts … Continue reading Cutting Your Intake By Half: How The Government Plans To Further Reduce Sugar And Salt

A cartoon image of Malcolm X in a superhero costume. By Oddball Times

Cultural Appropriation Month: Black Superheroes

I was wondering the other day, when Professor Xavier opened his X-Mansion at 1407 Graymalkin Lane, Salem Center, Westchester County, New York and gathered his X-Men, why amongst Wolverine, Rogue, Jean Grey, Cyclops, Beast and Gambit didn’t they include Malcolm? He lived and worked in New York so he wouldn’t have had far to travel and surely he was the only other one with “X” … Continue reading Cultural Appropriation Month: Black Superheroes

A cartoon illustration of an active school shooter in the rubble of a dismantled school building. By Oddball Times

From Swots to SWAT: The Obvious Solution To Prevent School Shootings

Every time there’s a school shooting, politicians, pundits, and members of the public question what we should change… Maybe we should arm the teachers? Err… no, imagine your worst P.E. teacher with a Glock? Terrible idea. Okay, so maybe we should place body scanners in all schools? Err… no, imagine all the nonce security guards salivating over the student’s body outline. There have also been … Continue reading From Swots to SWAT: The Obvious Solution To Prevent School Shootings

A parody of an iPhone advert with Suri Cruise replacing Siri. By Oddball Times

Tom Cruise And Suri Cruise: Mistaken A.I.dentity

This week I went out to California to meet Tom Cruise. I felt overwhelmed but I managed to ask Tom how it felt to be a father and what it was like to be one of three dads. I was amongst other reporters so I think he didn’t hear me. I continued unperturbed. I asked him when he’d changed his name from Tom Gruber to … Continue reading Tom Cruise And Suri Cruise: Mistaken A.I.dentity

A cartoon image of a toxic waste can with a ring pull by Oddball Times

Soft Drinks Have Gone Soft: Why There’s Nothing Sweet About Artificial Sweeteners

Saccharin and spice and all things nice? A spoonful of Aspartame makes the medicine go down? Pour some Sorbitol on me? Stevia, ah honey honey? Brown Sucralose. Just like a young girl should? Change an ingredient and a product is no longer the same. Tell that to Lucozade, Irn Bru, 7Up, Fanta, Sprite, and the rest of the Sugar Tax-appeasing bastards. You bitter, old scrotes! Continue reading Soft Drinks Have Gone Soft: Why There’s Nothing Sweet About Artificial Sweeteners

A cartoon image of a scale with Meghan Markle tipping over the Nazi swastika. By Oddball Times

Prince Harry To Marry: How To Nuptially Offset And Omit Racism From History

Once it was officially announced that Prince Harry was to marry Meghan Markle, prejudiced celebs around the world rejoiced! Surely they too could replicate this media-savvy tactic? Apparently one Meghan Markle cancels out one Nazi costume and a few racial slurs, and once a wedding ring is screwed firmly onto that mixed-raced American’s finger, nobody will ever recall those “Paki” and “Raghead” comments that Harry … Continue reading Prince Harry To Marry: How To Nuptially Offset And Omit Racism From History

A cartoon of someone without a weapon facing a burglar with a gun. By Oddball Times

Dangerous Weapons Don’t Kill People, Dangerous People Do

I heard on the local news a few days ago that the police were having an amnesty on dangerous weapons. They said that people should anonymously surrender any weapons they own without facing any charges… brilliant! As soon as I heard this, I frantically ran around my house looking for any weaponry, and I found lots; hammers, knives, an axe, a chainsaw, a cricket bat. … Continue reading Dangerous Weapons Don’t Kill People, Dangerous People Do

A cartoon of a cliched lean addict with tattoos. By Oddball Times

Sipping Lean In 2017: It’s Not A Good Look Being A Codeine Fiend

If you don’t know, Lean or Purple Drank is a recreational drug, a concoction made by mixing cough syrup containing Codeine and Promethazine with Sprite (and sometimes a hard boiled sweet such as a Jolly Rancher for some extra sweetness). The side effects of Lean include dizziness, blurred vision, nausea, and memory problems. Because of the Codeine content, another side effect of consuming Lean is … Continue reading Sipping Lean In 2017: It’s Not A Good Look Being A Codeine Fiend

A cartoon image of Harvey Weinstein showering nude. By Oddball Times

Harvey Weinstein: Big Pimping

Harvey Weinstein sitting atop the Hollywood Tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G (plus harassment, sexual assault, and rape, allegedly) Everyone on the lower branches gave him way too many chances They ignored or covered up his unwanted sexual advances This was something actresses had to get used ta All ’cause he was a hot shot producer What that means folks, is he had the power To fill the cinema … Continue reading Harvey Weinstein: Big Pimping

A caricature of a grey and miserable Theresa May with a cubist influence. By Oddball Times

Theresa May: Democracy May Never Have Existed

She may have been born in Sussex. She may have studied Geography. She may be married to a bloke called Philip. She may have a shoe fetish. She may live in a flat above a terrace house. She may be scared of snakes. She may be all these things but she’s not like us. She grew up in Oxfordshire, she studied at Oxford University, her husband … Continue reading Theresa May: Democracy May Never Have Existed

An image of a cow with a speech bubble telling her to cover up her teats. By Oddball Times

Oh Dairy, Dairy Me: New Breastfeeding Solidarity Laws

New legislation has come into effect today and it will affect all those people who object to women breastfeeding their babies in public places including restaurants and cafes. Starting from today, anybody who complains to members of staff about witnessing breast milk being fed to a baby will also not be allowed to order or consume anything containing milk. To make things clear; that’s no … Continue reading Oh Dairy, Dairy Me: New Breastfeeding Solidarity Laws

A parody of a graph showing smaller vehicles being used in acts of terrorism. By Oddball Times

Terrorism’s Decline: A Prediction Of Future Terror

From flying a plane into a building, to ramming a truck into a crowd of people, to driving a car toward some policemen, it’s plain to see that terrorism is slowly waining from its grandiose, post-millennial spectacle. With terrorism now taking the form of a road vehicle rather than an aircraft, or a knife rather than a bomb, will international terrorism continue in this downward … Continue reading Terrorism’s Decline: A Prediction Of Future Terror

An image of a man generating energy from his stress at hearing the news of energy price increases. By Oddball Times

Energy Price Hikes: Harnessing The Power

The recent news that energy prices are increasing yet again has lead to feelings of anger which luckily can now be harnessed to power our electronic devices! By wearing this new anger-powered device known as the Stresslectro you can convert your loathing, anger, stress, and despair into electricity. This electricity can then be used to power devices such as your smartphone and energy companies like … Continue reading Energy Price Hikes: Harnessing The Power

A cartoon picture of HAL from 2001, WOPR from WarGames, and an Amazon Echo referencing the Cleese, Barker, and Corbett Class Sketch. By Oddball Times

Smart Speakers: I Know My Place

Today I called out… “Alexa, play Demon Seed and tell me the dictionary definition of irony” …my Amazon Echo didn’t answer. Maybe because it didn’t understand the command or maybe because I was attempting a Scottish-Punjabi accent, maybe it was because I’d just ingested helium, or maybe because I’d forgotten that I actually have a Google Home and it doesn’t answer to “Alexa”. Regardless of … Continue reading Smart Speakers: I Know My Place

A cartoon of a chinook bringing emergency aid to the Hollywood hills. By Oddball Times

Bill Gates: Control, Alt, Delete

Hey Bill, I have a brilliant idea and I’m sure you’ll be thrilled to hear it. I listened avidly to your speeches supporting eugenics and global depopulation. Firstly I had to look up the word “Philanthropic” because I thought it meant something quite different. You say the world is growing in population and your vaccines and sterilisation programs could really depopulate those who, as you … Continue reading Bill Gates: Control, Alt, Delete

A cartoon of a microphone pointing at Donald Trump's hair. By Oddball Times

Donald J. Trump: What It’s Like Being On Top

  This week I went to Washington D.C. to meet Donald Trump. I wanted to know how he had become President and why so many people hated him. When I got to Washington it was difficult getting an interview as there were a stream of Presidential bodyguards. I finally managed to shout my questions at a press conference but got no answer. Then a fellow … Continue reading Donald J. Trump: What It’s Like Being On Top

A cartoon of a roadman wearing an Adidas tracksuit standing in the Ends. By Oddball Times

Subliminal Advertising For Adidas Knockoffs Goes National

Have you noticed that all the road markings around the UK are either single or double lines? Why not three? The answer is simple, this is all part of a national drive to promote Adidas knockoffs to the teenage population. Three stripes are of course a trademark of Adidas, therefore two stripes are usually a tell-tale sign that you’re wearing a cheap imitation. Adidas tracksuits … Continue reading Subliminal Advertising For Adidas Knockoffs Goes National