

Behind The Lyrics: Motley Crew By Post Malone
Stomach cramps and pre-menstrual tension apparently aren’t a problem for Post Malone, who in his song “Motley Crew” tells us he gets “the calmest periods”. Post lets the listener into his trick to getting a light menstruation, and apparently it’s down to wearing an old-fashioned sanitary belt and resting in an up-market Las Vegas hotel whilst covered in ice cubes. Posty sings “Count up the … Continue reading Behind The Lyrics: Motley Crew By Post Malone

Tie-In Product Idea: Taken 4 Starring Liam Neeson And The Porsche Taycan
It really amazes me how I come up with my ideas, and no, I’m not just about words sounding the same, I get excited about things sounding the same as well – it’s blooming hilarous! Today’s idea is a sequel to the Taken franchise with an all-important product tie-in, which of course has to be a Porsche Taycan. The film will be called “Taken 4: … Continue reading Tie-In Product Idea: Taken 4 Starring Liam Neeson And The Porsche Taycan

The Coronavirus Is Still Out There: We’re Not Even Safe In Our Streets!
As always, the government is right! COVID’s everywhere… so be aware. I found one COVID virus waiting idly by a horse chestnut tree, probably waiting to pounce on a passer by (It’s bigger than on TV). Being an investigative reporter I had to ask it some questions. With my mic two metres away and mask fully on, I asked it why it was so eager … Continue reading The Coronavirus Is Still Out There: We’re Not Even Safe In Our Streets!

Celebrity Clone Lab: M. Night Shyamalan And Spike Lee
The signs that a celebrity is a clone are obvious, you don’t need a sixth sense to see it… Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: M. Night Shyamalan And Spike Lee

The First Motorway Roadchef: From Hospitality To The Hospital
The pioneer takes the greatest risk. Continue reading The First Motorway Roadchef: From Hospitality To The Hospital

Freedom Day: Not To Be Confused With Actual Freedom
Freedom Day didn’t happen on 21st June, it was delayed until 19th July, but never mind. With a week to go, I can’t wait for all the freedom we’ll be given: Free to walk without the 2 metre restriction Free to keep my hands filthy Free to slap the helmet off a policeman Free to burgle my local bank Free to rape, kill, commit mass … Continue reading Freedom Day: Not To Be Confused With Actual Freedom

The Incredible Casting Crew: Chris Messina As Jeffrey Epstein
Remember Tom Cruise in American Made? He played real-life cocaine smuggler Barry Seal as a lovable anti-hero. Since Hollywood likes to turn illegalities into entertainment, how about a similar film about Jeffrey Epstein? Continue reading The Incredible Casting Crew: Chris Messina As Jeffrey Epstein

Celebrity Clone Lab: Olly Alexander And Imogen Poots
I bet you didn’t know that making a clone out of a clone is relatively quick. According to the film Multiplicity it’s like photocopying a photocopy which is speedy indeed. In their Harrogate laboratory, the Celebrity Clone Lab created Olly Alexander out of the DNA of Imogen Poots who herself is a clone. Produced 13 months after Imogen, the formation of Olly was pretty quick … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Olly Alexander And Imogen Poots

Behind The Lyrics: Got The Time By Anthrax
What does it feel like when you’ve got to write a letter or you’ve got to get your watch repaired… in a hurry? Well, according to heavy metal band Anthrax it’s like having a… Continue reading Behind The Lyrics: Got The Time By Anthrax

Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Richard Jordan
Celebrity gene splicing is very much like making perfume; you need to add a teeny-weeny bit of something unpleasant to make something pleasant. Case in point: actor Richard Jordan. He was created… Continue reading Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Richard Jordan

What The Book?: Kramer Vs. Kramer By Avery Corman Book Cover Design
Why on earth would book publishers reject this brilliant cover artwork? Continue reading What The Book?: Kramer Vs. Kramer By Avery Corman Book Cover Design

The Incredible Casting Crew: Elizabeth Banks As Lady Miss Kier
This time around in our Incredible Casting Crew segment is a biopic about Deee-Lite’s Lady Miss Kier… Continue reading The Incredible Casting Crew: Elizabeth Banks As Lady Miss Kier

Outdated Idioms: Pot Calling The Kettle Black
Look out folks! There’s a racist sentient cooking pot lurking about somewhere, a pot who gets off on bullying kettles. In this pot’s outdated mind, being “black” is apparently a bad thing, but wait, reports are coming in that this pot is itself black! What a nerve. So that means it’s a self-hating, sentient cooking pot who teases kettles, kettles which are mostly stainless steel … Continue reading Outdated Idioms: Pot Calling The Kettle Black

Celebrity Clone Lab: Elizabeth Debicki And Caroline Goodall
It might be time travel, it might be time inversion, or maybe it’s leaping through spacetime… Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Elizabeth Debicki And Caroline Goodall

Seeing Double: Running Out Of Comic Book Movie Actors
I’ve been getting a touch of déjà vu whilst watching these big-budget superhero films… Continue reading Seeing Double: Running Out Of Comic Book Movie Actors

Covid Schmovid: Getting Back To The Old Normal
Come on now, all you hesitant people, why are you all scared of getting the COVID vaccine? I’m raring to get out of my house and back to my 2 hour commute to work. I can’t wait not to tell a waiter that my salad had a hair in it and that the glass had the last customer’s lipstick on it. I’m chomping at the … Continue reading Covid Schmovid: Getting Back To The Old Normal

The Incredible Casting Crew: Russell Howard As George Formby
This time in our Incredible Casting Crew segment is a film called “Turned Out Nice Again”, a nine-hour, 4:3 aspect ratio, black and white musical biopic about George Formby played entirely on the ukulele. Russell Howard, who would travel chronologically and in real time through each of Formby’s films, needs to brush-up on the tiny stringed instrument so we can get this made in time … Continue reading The Incredible Casting Crew: Russell Howard As George Formby

This Time It’ll Be Okay: Wham BAME Thank You Fam
I watched the COVID public service announcement on TV for the B.A.M.E. community eagerly. Well blow me, there’s nothing like forgetting the Tuskegee Syphilis Experiment after Beverley Knight tells us “all we have to do is just take the vaccine”. They assured us that the COVID vaccine has gone through as many “strict process and regulations as other vaccines like measles, mumps, rubella and TB”…well … Continue reading This Time It’ll Be Okay: Wham BAME Thank You Fam

Behind The Lyrics: A Love Supreme By Will Downing
I bet you didn’t know that “A Love Supreme” by Will Downing is an ode to his favourite pizza; The Supreme… pepperoni, sausage, bell peppers, onions, olives… mmm, we’re surprised a song hadn’t been written about this slice of culinary heaven much earlier! Click the YouTube video below and listen to Will serenade the pizza delivery guy bringing his favourite deep pan delight, recalling all … Continue reading Behind The Lyrics: A Love Supreme By Will Downing

Hear, Hear: A Budding Advertiser Takes On Wireless Ear Buds
AirPods or Earbuds, whatever you want to call them, they’re bloomin’ expensive and prone to misplacement…. Continue reading Hear, Hear: A Budding Advertiser Takes On Wireless Ear Buds

Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Luka Magnotta
Splicing genes to create a clone can have unexpected results! Continue reading Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Luka Magnotta

What The Book?: Nineteen Eighty-Four By George Orwell Book Cover Design
Why on earth would book publishers reject this brilliant cover artwork? Continue reading What The Book?: Nineteen Eighty-Four By George Orwell Book Cover Design

Celebrity Clone Lab: Barney Walsh And Tom Hiddleston
Mischievous trickster Loki has only gone and bloomin’ cloned himself! Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Barney Walsh And Tom Hiddleston

I Don’t Want Any Drama: The Life And Times Of Keir Starmer
If you’re a socialist you might get a sacking but if you’re a Tory you’ll get my backing. Continue reading I Don’t Want Any Drama: The Life And Times Of Keir Starmer

Celebrity Clone Lab: James Corden And Chris Farley
Some people have twigged that James Corden is a clone of Chris Farley, especially when they realise Corden’s career began just when Farley died… how very convenient. What’s disappointing about this particular clone is that whether starring in a Tango advert or Gavin & Stacey, James isn’t very funny. Maybe the folk at CBS thought there’d be some residual personality left from Chris’ DNA or … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: James Corden And Chris Farley

What The Book?: Father! Father! Burning Bright By Alan Bennett Book Cover Design
Why on earth would book publishers reject this brilliant cover artwork? Continue reading What The Book?: Father! Father! Burning Bright By Alan Bennett Book Cover Design

Behind The Lyrics: Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree By Brenda Lee
Christmas is a very stressful time; cooking the Turkey and preparing all the trimmings, and getting the timing just right so that everything is ready all at the same time. That’s probably why writer Johnny Marks and singer Brenda Lee included the lyric “later we’ll have some fucking pie!” in their Christmas song “Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree”. Take a listen to the song below … Continue reading Behind The Lyrics: Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree By Brenda Lee

Looking Closely At The Coronavirus: Why Christmas Rules Are So Different
After hearing the recent news about Xmas 2020 celebrations here in the UK, you might be thinking to yourself “why is the government allowing a three-house bubble during Christmas?”. Hindus, Muslims, Sikhs and Jews didn’t get to extend their “bubble” during their festivals so what’s so special about this Christian holiday? With the Coronavirus in full infectious swing, what’s going to stop our family and … Continue reading Looking Closely At The Coronavirus: Why Christmas Rules Are So Different

Twelve Days Of Christmas: The Coronavirus Remix
On the first day of Christmas my true love sent to me… Reeemiiix! Vinyl rewind sound effect followed by the sound of air-horns and a Funk Flex exploding bomb… Continue reading Twelve Days Of Christmas: The Coronavirus Remix

Have A Merry COVID Christmas And A Happy New Vaccinated Year!
Christmas is always an exciting time and this year will be one of a kind. You’ve had a smashing year so far with five months off school. Even when you’ve had to go back, you can sit on your own instead of sharing with some dickhead your mum paired you up with when you were 2 and he’s now stuck to you like shit to … Continue reading Have A Merry COVID Christmas And A Happy New Vaccinated Year!

The Inner Workings Of A Designer’s Mind: My Eggs Have Scrambled
It’s great being an out of work graphic designer. You’re free to create designs nobody asked for as you cry into your egg yolk-stained onesie. Speaking of eggs, here’s an advert for some posh chicken period ovoids I found in the shop… Continue reading The Inner Workings Of A Designer’s Mind: My Eggs Have Scrambled

Behind The Lyrics: Touch Me By 49ers
The 49ers sampled Aretha Franklin in their 1990 hit “Touch Me” and boy was that an unforgettable lyric! Aretha sang… Continue reading Behind The Lyrics: Touch Me By 49ers

The Secret About The Secret Garden: Dixie Egerickx Is Tom Allen In Disguise
Tom Allen, though popular on television, has never really “made it” in the movies. After appearing in bit parts over the years, Tom has finally bagged a lead role! … Continue reading The Secret About The Secret Garden: Dixie Egerickx Is Tom Allen In Disguise