Celebrity Clone Lab: Azealia Banks And William Jackson Harper
If you’ve ever thought to yourself “what happens when a clone is dropped on its head?”, we have the answer! William Jackson Harper’s clone Azealia Banks was dropped 212 times whist being transported from Dallas, Texas to Harlem, New York. The crucible tongs that held onto Azealia’s forehead slipped multiple times due to her being so slimy and that’s probably the reason for her peculiar … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Azealia Banks And William Jackson Harper
Behind The Lyrics: Blackberry Way By The Move
Remember the late ’00s and early ’10s when everybody from wannabe business moguls to budding reality stars were clutching a BlackBerry phone, BBM-ing each other like mad? Unfortunately, BlackBerry slowly began to fall out of favour, being replaced by an Apple like Ribena after the sugar tax. Not a lot of people know that the song “Blackberry Way” by The Move was actually about the … Continue reading Behind The Lyrics: Blackberry Way By The Move
Celebrity Clone Lab: Gemma Collins And Goldie Hawn
Gemma Collins is most definitely the clone of Goldie Hawn. I mean c’mon, when you take a gander at these two, it’s obvious… they’re so similar-looking that there can’t be any other explanation! But what proof do you have we hear you ask? Well, we think it’s quite telling that Gemma Collins before becoming a reality star, was a used car seller and lo and … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Gemma Collins And Goldie Hawn
Almost Like A Disease: The Outbreak Of AIDS In The ‘80s
After the first report in the early ‘80s, every news channel, radio station and newspaper wouldn’t stop talking about it… it was something called “Aids”. During the 1980s, the public were inundated with information about it. Aids this, Aids that… Aids spread across the globe almost like a virus. It’s easy to admit now, but yes, there were too many Aids in the ‘80s; there … Continue reading Almost Like A Disease: The Outbreak Of AIDS In The ‘80s
Vote Boris Johnson! Says Boris Johnson
Hello all, I’m Boris Johnson, and in this general election, I ask that you disregard my past when you make your selection… I breached Commons expenses rules, I backed the Iraq War, I think Tower Hamlets and Bradford want to impose sharia law. I’ve campaigned across England, I’ve travelled many, many miles, Looking for flag-waving piccaninnies with their watermelon smiles. Asians should vote Conservative, … Continue reading Vote Boris Johnson! Says Boris Johnson
Snow Delay: A British Christmas Tradition
I love this stuff that falls from above, As light as air and as white as a dove. It covers the house, the car, the ground, Without so much as making a sound. I love this cold stuff, I’m such a fan, I can mould it to make a chubby little man. I can turn it into balls, bricks, a number of things, I … Continue reading Snow Delay: A British Christmas Tradition
Celebrity Clone Lab: Jack Whitehall And John Quayle
It’s obvious that Michael Whitehall isn’t Jack Whitehall’s real father; a Conservative supporter in his late 40s couldn’t sire a child for goodness sake! It’s a well known fact that aside from their haughtiness, Conservative supporters’ testes are too wizened from all their pent-up aggression. Jack therefore, did not emanate from Mike’s urinary meatus, no, he was given to the producer and talent agent by … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Jack Whitehall And John Quayle
Celebrity Clone Lab: Imogen Poots And Helen Mirren
You can’t keep the truth buried for long folks! We’re almost, nearly, sort of, certain that there’s a Top Secret Celebrity Clone Lab somewhere in the Queen Charlotte’s And Chelsea Hospital in Hammersmith, London. Why do we think that? Well, this is where two of the most famous Hammersmith celebrities were created… or as the official sources say: born. Helen Mirren (actor) was born at … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Imogen Poots And Helen Mirren
Remember Remember What We Do In November
Did you know that celebrations are held all over the world in November? For example… In Thailand they have a lantern festival where they release thousands of colourful candle-lit lanterns into the sky and along the river as a homage to Buddha. In India they have a festival of light, when houses, shops and public places are decorated with oil lamps and fireworks are set … Continue reading Remember Remember What We Do In November
The Incredible Casting Crew: Keanu Reeves As Richard D. Hall
This week in our Incredible Casting Crew segment is Beyond The Starship, a semi-fictionalised movie about Richard D. Hall, presenter of Richplanet. Keanu Reeves plays the lead role of Rich Hall; he investigates UFO sightings, fabricated terrorism including 9/11, as well as mind control, and hidden history. The problem is, these “conspiracies” are all linked and anyone who exposes the truth is at risk of … Continue reading The Incredible Casting Crew: Keanu Reeves As Richard D. Hall
Behind The Lyrics: Ring My Bell By Anita Ward
Did you know that Anita Ward’s disco hit “Ring My Bell” is incorrectly titled? If you listen closely, you’ll realise that this song is from the perspective of a sexually frustrated Bell Telephone Company operator. Upon receiving a call, the operator begins to flirt with her customer: “I’m glad you’re home, now did you really miss me?” The operator then offers to turn off the … Continue reading Behind The Lyrics: Ring My Bell By Anita Ward
Operation Yellowhammer: Please Hammer Don’t Hurt ‘Em
Operation Yellowhammer, a contingency plan subtitled “Reasonable Worst Case Planning Assumptions”, has been cooked-up by the government in case of a “No Deal” Brexit. If that occurs, the folks in charge predict there’ll be medication shortages, food supply problems, and protests in the streets. Operation Yellowhammer, if you didn’t know, involves 90’s “rapper” MC Hammer using his harem hammer pants to smuggle much needed medical … Continue reading Operation Yellowhammer: Please Hammer Don’t Hurt ‘Em
Celebrity Clone Lab: Isabela Moner And Jenna Coleman
Blackpool-born Jenna Coleman is most famous for her work in northern soap opera Emmerdale but what many don’t know is that a few years before being cast as Jasmine Thomas, her DNA was sampled and placed in some liquid nitrogen that was cleverly hidden in a jar of Coleman’s Mustard. Coleman’s genes were supposed to be handed over to a Celebrity Clone Lab scientist at … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Isabela Moner And Jenna Coleman
An Offer You Can’t Refuse: A Tropicana Sanguinello Advertising Idea
Francis Ford Coppola has been messing with his movies over the last decade or so, needlessly lengthening films such as Apocalypse Now and The Outsiders. Whether he’s ruined his own films by re-editing them or not (and he has) the fact that he doesn’t mind fiddling with his own creations surely means that my idea for a movie tie-in advertising campaign will go down pretty … Continue reading An Offer You Can’t Refuse: A Tropicana Sanguinello Advertising Idea
Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Chris Pine
It’s not true what they say: Chris Pine isn’t the son of actors Robert Pine and Gwynne Gilford, oh no, he’s a hybridised clone! For proof, we ask you to look at Pine’s Leonardo DiCaprio-esque eyes and his Brian Thompson-esque jaw, he’s so obviously an amalgamation of the two actors. One day during a power blackout, the DNA of Thompson (star of The Terminator and … Continue reading Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Chris Pine
Review Rewind: Bad By Michael Jackson
Hi there! I was listening to some music in the summer heat and I remembered the time when everyone said that Michael Jackson was Bad. These unfounded accusations went on and on and there were millions of people shouting the same thing. They were chasing Michael down the street screaming and crying whilst his chauffeur did his best to get him away without mowing people … Continue reading Review Rewind: Bad By Michael Jackson
Can’t Say Or Do Anything Any More: It’s Political Correctness Gone Mad!
In the good old days when I was just a lad, You could say what you wanted, oh, the fun that we had! Now everything I say is “wrong”, what I do is “bad”, Can’t say or do anything, it’s P.C. gone mad. There’s nowt wrong with me saying “coloured” or “queer”, But now it’s “keep quiet or the coloured queers ‘ll hear”. When … Continue reading Can’t Say Or Do Anything Any More: It’s Political Correctness Gone Mad!
All Work And No Pay Makes Jack’s Bling Dull Bwoy: A Grillz Advertising Idea
Here’s my idea for an an advert promoting Grillz. “Grills” I hear you say, like George Foreman? Of course not silly, I’m referring to Grillz spelled with a “z”, you know, the gold teeth that used to look cool back in the ’90s but now they’re corny as f… well, never mind who wears what and how to spell it, all that matters is my … Continue reading All Work And No Pay Makes Jack’s Bling Dull Bwoy: A Grillz Advertising Idea
Behind The Lyrics: Ritual By Tiësto, Jonas Blue And Rita Ora
The song “Ritual” isn’t about a ritual at all, no, it’s all about how a relationship can be paradoxically both fulfilling and demanding or rewarding and punishing. The writers chose wool to be the metaphor for love (and your lover) because it’s both warming and irritating. Just listen to the chorus once more, Rita Ora actually sings “Oh, you’ll always be my itchy wool” which … Continue reading Behind The Lyrics: Ritual By Tiësto, Jonas Blue And Rita Ora
The Incredible Casting Crew: Bella Thorne In A Tiffany Darwish Biopic
Here at Oddball Times we don’t sit on our laurels. We’ve created another brand-spanking new segment for you to enjoy called “The Incredible Casting Crew”. In this section, we will prove to Hollywood that we’re the world’s greatest casting directors (and the best Photoshoppers on the planet)! Our first pitch to the film industry is a biopic about Tiffany, the ’80s teen singer. The movie … Continue reading The Incredible Casting Crew: Bella Thorne In A Tiffany Darwish Biopic
No Justice, No Hairpiece: A Subliminal Image Of Donald Trump At The Department Of Justice
Remember when Donald Trump said he could stand on New York’s Fifth Avenue and “shoot somebody” and still not lose any voters? Unfortunately this is true. The Teflon Don can pretty much do and say whatever he wants without any repercussions. No matter how many times he lies and cheats Trump never ever faces justice, but why? Well it’s all to do with subliminal imagery … Continue reading No Justice, No Hairpiece: A Subliminal Image Of Donald Trump At The Department Of Justice
Celebrity Clone Lab: Sylvester Stallone And Rock Hudson
Over the years, The Celebrity Clone Lab have created 26 clones of Rock Hudson, the first was code-named “Rock-A” and the last one “Rock-Z”. It was however, the 25th clone “Rock-Y” that was the most successful and he also made it as a Hollywood actor. Given his success, Rock-Y was then nicknamed “Sylvester The Clone” (after his favourite cartoon show which he watched whilst gestating … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Sylvester Stallone And Rock Hudson
Review Rewind: Purple Rain By Prince
So folks, I have a treat for you all because I’m reviewing a two Grammy, three American Music Award, one Brit, one Oscar winner that went Platinum 13 times… Purple Rain by Prince And The Revolution (because making bell bottom trousers and high heels look sexy on a man was quite revolutionary). The first song, “Let’s Go Crazy” is, I think, a nod to a … Continue reading Review Rewind: Purple Rain By Prince
Pilkington K. Grass: Karl Pilkington’s Tennis Playing Disguise
Ahhh… get out your strawberries and cream folks, it’s Tennis season! Continue reading Pilkington K. Grass: Karl Pilkington’s Tennis Playing Disguise
Celebrity Clone Lab: Rochelle Humes And Donna Summer
This week in the Celebrity Clone Lab is Rochelle Humes, who if you don’t already know, is the clone of Donna Summer, just look at the resemblance! In 1988, Donna Summer came to the UK to make an album with Stock, Aitken, and Waterman. During the recording of Another Place In Time, Summer’s DNA was taken so a duplicate singer could be created in the … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Rochelle Humes And Donna Summer
A Bit Of Bluey: The Tory Leadership Race
Choices, choices… who will become leader? Continue reading A Bit Of Bluey: The Tory Leadership Race
Review Rewind: Invisible Touch By Genesis
Hello folks, its me again. This time I’ve found a great new band called Genesis. Judging by the group’s name I think they’re a Christian outfit. I’m reviewing a little known album by them called “Invisible Touch” which also happens to be the title of the first song. It’s a real toe tapper. It’s about a female cyborg who can perform non-invasive heart massages to … Continue reading Review Rewind: Invisible Touch By Genesis
Pokémon Detective Pikachu: A Load Of Bull
Peter Bull never could decide which profession to focus on: he was an actor, a Lieutenant-Commander in the Royal Navy, a shopkeeper, and a writer. Leap-frogging from one job to another, the one thing Bull always wanted to do was learn how to mime. So in 1984, he faked his death and honed his craft for 35 years until he was the world’s foremost mime … Continue reading Pokémon Detective Pikachu: A Load Of Bull
Review Rewind: Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band By The Beatles
I recently subscribed to Spotify and of course I want to get my money’s worth. So my genius idea is to start an album review section here at Oddball Times for the most unusual, unheard and underground music. So hold onto your ears folks and here goes… This month I came across an album called Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band. I love it’s colourful … Continue reading Review Rewind: Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band By The Beatles
Behind The Lyrics: Old Town Road By Lil Nas X
It’s not Lil Kim… it’s not Nas… and it’s not DMX… no, it’s Lil Nas X in this week’s Behind The Lyrics segment… yeah! Lil Nas X’s ditty “Old Town Road” has been a huge success but did you know that the song title is incorrect? That’s right, this title was used to cover up the true lyrics which if you don’t know are: “I’m … Continue reading Behind The Lyrics: Old Town Road By Lil Nas X
Celebrity Clone Lab: Jeff Bezos And Peter Safran
Way before Amazon existed, there was a mail order store called Congo owned and operated by the Celebrity Clone Lab who were located in a classified rainforest laboratory at the time. In the Congo, there was a fantastic gene recommendation system which was developed to sort all the celeb clones and if you know where to look, you can still find remnants of this directory … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Jeff Bezos And Peter Safran
A New Emperor: News From The Imperial Palace
After hearing the news that the old Emperor would be abdicating and the new Emperor would be succeeding him in May, I went half way across the globe to see the preparations for the great ceremony. I’ll be honest with you, I wasn’t keen on the last Emperor, what with the double life, the destroying of the Jedi Order and being an all-round menace. As … Continue reading A New Emperor: News From The Imperial Palace
Prince: Telling Little Purple Lies
I made a trip up North and drove to Paisley in Scotland this week. I was looking forward to seeing the colourful people, the see-saw and the pier that I’d heard so much about. To my disappointment, I found Robertson Park, Kelvingrove Park, Barshaw Park, and although they were all very lovely they weren’t what I was looking for. I even found Pollok Estate and … Continue reading Prince: Telling Little Purple Lies
