I made a trip up North and drove to Paisley in Scotland this week. I was looking forward to seeing the colourful people, the see-saw and the pier that I'd heard so much about. To my disappointment, I found Robertson Park, Kelvingrove Park, Barshaw Park, and although they were all very lovely they weren't what … Continue reading Prince: Telling Little Purple Lies
This week in our ever-popular Behind The Lyrics segment is Elton John's song "Tiny Dancer" from his 1971 album Madman Across The Water. The '70s were of course a time for drug taking and music making and the genesis of this song isn't any different. Everybody knows that cocaine was Elton John's favourite substance back … Continue reading Behind The Lyrics: Tiny Dancer By Elton John
Today in the Celebrity Clone Lab is screenwriter and writer Jeremy Dyson. If you don't know, he's the clone of serial killer Peter Sutcliffe! You simply need to look at the pair's thick, black, wavy hair to see that they are genetically linked but if you want more evidence we have it here... Before being … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Peter Sutcliffe And Jeremy Dyson
I've come up with another great idea for an advert! This one's for Gorilla Tape, an adhesive tape manufactured by Gorilla Glue Inc. The concept of my ad is simple; ever noticed how serial killers, rapists, kidnappers and other assorted wrongdoers always use Duck Tape to tie-up their victims? Whether it's in the news or … Continue reading In A Sticky Situation: Gorilla Tape Advertising Idea
“Needed Time” is a very unique song by R&B singer YXNG Bane. The song, which is an ode to all things doughy, is from the perspective of a pâtissier. If you've ever baked yourself, you'll know that sometimes your cake batter can split and YXNG Bane tackles this subject without any fear. The track features … Continue reading Behind The Lyrics: Needed Time By YXNG Bane
Leslie Parrish, who starred in the original Manchurian Candidate was made by splicing the genes of Lena Heady and Margot Robbie. I bet you didn't know that! Quite unexpectedly, Leslie Parrish turned out much better than her progenitors; she was an activist and environmentalist, she fought against the Vietnam War and for civil rights, she … Continue reading Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Leslie Parrish
I've always wanted to visit Japan; for the food, the sites, the technology, but more specifically the gorgeous women. Unfortunately I don't speak Japanese but after watching the idents by Yakult which air on the Food Network, I think I have all the phrases I'll require in the event of a sexual encounter (especially of … Continue reading Gaining Carnal Knowledge: The Art Of Seduction In Japan With The Help Of Yakult
This week in the Celebrity Clone Lab is George H. W. Bush and Ted Bundy, just look at the uncanny resemblance! The interesting thing about this pair is that one was programmed to go into politics and the other was supposed to become a mass murderer. Unfortunately, even as a Republican, Ted Bundy failed to … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Ted Bundy And George H. W. Bush
"Thank God" the scientists shouted as the genes of Mila Kunis and Chloë Grace Moretz were successfully spliced together seconds before the deadline of May 12th 1997. The result of the experiment was then named after this celebratory outcry; “Odeya” (which means "Thank God" in Hebrew) “Rush” (signifying the time it took to create her) … Continue reading Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Odeya Rush
For all those who defend mainstream Hollywood casting decisions that favour straight, white, male actors (people usually heard yelling "it's an actor's job is to play somebody they're not" or "an actor should be allowed to play any character") here's a handy little guide for you to peruse... Can a white male actor play a … Continue reading Acting Is Acting And Actors Are Actors: A Guide To Hollywood Casting For Minorities
Kids played freely in the street Eating Spam instead of meat Back when you could leave your front door unlocked Gossiping over the garden fence You could buy a week's shopping with half-a-pence Back when you could leave your front door unlocked You knew the name of the people next door All cosy in the … Continue reading Back When You Could Leave Your Front Door Unlocked
This week in the Celebrity Clone Lab is actor Peter Hayden Dinklage, who if you don't know, is the clone of rapper Tracy Lauren Marrow (aka Ice-T) just look at the resemblance! Before living in Crenshaw, Los Angeles, Ice-T was born and raised in New Jersey and that's where a swab of his DNA was … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Ice-T And Peter Dinklage
I am lucky enough to have a substantial garden inherited from my first wife Audrey. This allows me to choose my desired tree from within my own property. I use my newly-acquired 500W Scorpion Handsaw to chop down the magnificent tree. I then tie the branches with 4mm strong utility nylon rope to make sure … Continue reading My Annual Tree: A Christmas Tradition
I'm sure you'll agree that there's little to no originality at Apple since Steve Jobs passed in 2011. There's no more innovation, no more creativity, no more design risks being taken, in fact it's plain to everybody that Apple has lost its mojo. This may have something to do with the company's CEO Tim Cook … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Tim Cook And Paul O’Grady
In Kodak Black's latest track featuring Travis Scott and Offset, he reveals that he enjoys comic books, that he's had sex with comedian and presenter Stephen Fry, that he's a fan of comedian Peter Kay, plus he watches Indian satellite channels and he may even be Jewish! (at least that's we think he's saying). But … Continue reading Behind The Lyrics: ZEZE By Kodak Black
Have you tried logging in to Yorkshire Bank lately? The page where you enter your login details features a strange, disconcerting image on the top left hand side, in fact I'm sure I've seen it somewhere else. After visiting the site a few times I realised what it was; it's that scene from the film IT, … Continue reading Yorkshire Bank: Being Penny-Wise
This week in the Celebrity Clone Lab is comedian Lewis Black. If you don't know, he's the clone of retired four-star general and ex-secretary of state Colin Powell! Colin Powell, if you don't remember, was the bloke who gave that remarkable presentation to the U.N. in 2003. Colin was confident that Iraq had weapons of … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Colin Powell And Lewis Black
After fighting war after war against dictators and fascists, Britain now pays homage to dictatorships and fascism by forcing its citizens to wear the remembrance poppy. Brits love being pressured to don the red flower every November (and now October) as it apparently helps them remember how free they are. The public are reminded that … Continue reading Poppy Fascism Has Spread: From The Poppies In Flanders Field To The Poppy Fields In Afghanistan To The Lapel Of Spineless Celebrities
After eating an entire packet of Nerds, two packets of popping candy, and spending a whopping four minutes on the internet, I've discovered the following about Halloween and its origins... Pumpkin Carving: This tradition dates back to Britain when a 3 year old boy named Sam Hain decided that he hated eating his vegetables, in … Continue reading May Contain Nutjobs: The Origins Of Halloween
This week in the Celebrity Clone Lab is actor Daisy Ridley. If you don't already know, she's the clone of comedian Rhys James. Now of course, the mainstream media will tell you that Daisy Ridley is a descendant of landed gentry, the great-niece of a Dad's Army actor, and the daughter of a banker and … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Daisy Ridley And Rhys James
Now that Colin Kaepernick has trademarked his face, I have a fantastic idea for a Kaepernick-endorsed product and since he's up for marketing himself for the likes of Nike, I'm sure he'll love my idea. So what hair-brained concept have I come with today I hear you ask? Well, it's a pair of Colin Kaepernick … Continue reading Product Idea: Colin Kaepernick Knee Pads
Is it just me, or is Oral-B's tagline not aspirational at all?
This week in the Celebrity Clone Lab is TV presenter Stacey Dooley. If you don't know, she's the clone of actor Jane Asher! Now you may say that Dooley isn't a perfect copy of Asher and you'd be right. Records indicate that the Celebrity Clone Lab intended to create a perfect clone of Jane but … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Stacey Dooley And Jane Asher
More than four decades before Hip-Hop producer Dr. Dre released his own-brand headphones, soul singer Roberta Flack released hers. Flack's headphones were of course in keeping with the '70s, they were very stylish and more importantly they sounded much better than their contemporary counterparts (the overpriced Beats By Dre). Of course this was mainly … Continue reading Afro Puff, Puff, Pass: Looking Back At Roberta Flack’s Headphones
Today I thought I'd give Absolute Radio a go I tuned into Absolute Rock and heard The Quo I didn't think much of it so I pressed “scan” Absolute 80s was playing Duran Duran Finally I found Absolute 90s on my dials Only to be confronted by Robert Miles To be honest after all this … Continue reading 80s & 90s Radio: Absolutely Not What I Was Listening To!
Did you know that Paul Hollywood, celebrity chef and judge of The Great British Bake Off, is one of a septuplet? Well it's true! Paul's father John who was a bakery proprietor, attempted to inseminate his wife with a baker's dozen but unfortunately, his multiple birth fell short of its target. In the end, Paul's … Continue reading The Great British Mix-Up: Paul Hollywood’s Long Lost Brothers
After the phenomenally successful career of Phil Lynott (with and without Thin Lizzy) the scientists at the Celebrity Clone Lab stored Phil's cells for later use, with the hopes of perhaps creating a similarly successful artist for the noughties' generation. The laboratory was very careful with the precious cells as they set about creating the … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Phil Lynott and Craig David
This week I asked two Brits, one Brexiteer and one Remainer About how they voted in the referendum, they said it was a no-brainer Tarquin said... “The EU is a utopia, it's a beacon of peace And no, I don't care how the EU treated Greece I voted remain because Richard Branson told me to … Continue reading Exit Stage Left Or Brexit Stage Right: What Is The Correct Position?
It's a known fact that scientists have varied tastes in music. Some of them for example, like to listen to Elvis and some prefer The Smiths. One day after an argument over who is better, a group of experts in the field of Genomics decided to splice the genes of Elvis Presley and Morrissey together … Continue reading Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Chris Isaak
The life of Andy Serkis is to be told as a big-budget Hollywood movie sources tell us. The story of a young lad from Ruislip Manor going on to college, studying theatre and eventually becoming the foremost Motion Capture performer, has been green-lit for production. Studio executives have said that because of the popularity of … Continue reading Greenlit: A Big-Budget Andy Serkis Biopic
When a film such as John Wick becomes popular, it's time to think product tie-ins. There's no doubt that John Wick and John Wick: Chapter 2 were massive hits at the box office, with the first movie netting over $88 million and the second instalment grossing over $171 million. It's obvious that the next film … Continue reading Tie-In Product Idea: John Wick And Air Wick
This week in the Celebrity Clone Lab is Sandra Bullock, if you haven't already realised, she's a clone of Michael Jackson. Just look at the resemblance! When or where this cloning took place is a mystery but maybe Sandra's father John Bullock being a contractor for The Pentagon or her grandfather being a German rocket … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Sandra Bullock And Michael Jackson
I think we need to bring back Pink Panther...