As I do each year, I woke up to sun hitting my face. I love this time of year, the end of hibernation means I can get out and about, meet friends and enjoy the fresh air. Today I looked out and saw a wonderfully sunny day and I thought "right, that's it, what I … Continue reading Hogging It All: The Life Of A Hedgehog Amidst The Coronavirus Pandemic
In this difficult time, spare a thought for all the right-wing Islamophobes out there. After railing against halal meat and burkas for two decades, gammon across the nation now find themselves in a bit of a pickle. Since traditional supermarket shelves are being emptied by panic buyers, the only place to buy food is at … Continue reading Confusing Times For Gammon: Inadvertent Self-Hatred Amidst The Coronavirus
Did you know that celebrations are held all over the world in November? For example... In Thailand they have a lantern festival where they release thousands of colourful candle-lit lanterns into the sky and along the river as a homage to Buddha. In India they have a festival of light, when houses, shops and public … Continue reading Remember Remember What We Do In November
Hi there! I was listening to some music in the summer heat and I remembered the time when everyone said that Michael Jackson was Bad. These unfounded accusations went on and on and there were millions of people shouting the same thing. They were chasing Michael down the street screaming and crying whilst his chauffeur … Continue reading Review Rewind: Bad By Michael Jackson
In the good old days when I was just a lad You could say what you wanted, oh, the fun that we had! Now everything I say is “wrong”, what I do is "bad" Can't say or do anything, it's P.C. gone mad There's nowt wrong with me saying “coloured” or “queer” But now it's … Continue reading Can’t Say Or Do Anything Any More: It’s Political Correctness Gone Mad!
Remember when Donald Trump said he could stand on New York’s Fifth Avenue and “shoot somebody” and still not lose any voters? Unfortunately this is true. The Teflon Don can pretty much do and say whatever he wants without any repercussions. No matter how many times he lies and cheats Trump never ever faces justice, … Continue reading No Justice, No Hairpiece: A Subliminal Image Of Donald Trump At The Department Of Justice
So folks, I have a treat for you all because I'm reviewing a two Grammy, three American Music Award, one Brit, one Oscar winner that went Platinum 13 times... Purple Rain by Prince And The Revolution (because making bell bottom trousers and high heels look sexy on a man was quite revolutionary). The first song, … Continue reading Review Rewind: Purple Rain By Prince
Hello folks, its me again. This time I've found a great new band called Genesis. Judging by the group's name I think they're a Christian outfit. I'm reviewing a little known album by them called "Invisible Touch" which also happens to be the title of the first song. It's a real toe tapper. It's about … Continue reading Review Rewind: Invisible Touch By Genesis
I recently subscribed to Spotify and of course I want to get my money's worth. So my genius idea is to start an album review section here at Oddball Times for the most unusual, unheard and underground music. So hold onto your ears folks and here goes... This month I came across an album called … Continue reading Review Rewind: Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band By The Beatles
I made a trip up North and drove to Paisley in Scotland this week. I was looking forward to seeing the colourful people, the see-saw and the pier that I'd heard so much about. To my disappointment, I found Robertson Park, Kelvingrove Park, Barshaw Park, and although they were all very lovely they weren't what … Continue reading Prince: Telling Little Purple Lies
I am lucky enough to have a substantial garden inherited from my first wife Audrey. This allows me to choose my desired tree from within my own property. I use my newly-acquired 500W Scorpion Handsaw to chop down the magnificent tree. I then tie the branches with 4mm strong utility nylon rope to make sure … Continue reading My Annual Tree: A Christmas Tradition
After eating an entire packet of Nerds, two packets of popping candy, and spending a whopping four minutes on the internet, I've discovered the following about Halloween and its origins... Pumpkin Carving: This tradition dates back to Britain when a 3 year old boy named Sam Hain decided that he hated eating his vegetables, in … Continue reading May Contain Nutjobs: The Origins Of Halloween
Is it just me, or is Oral-B's tagline not aspirational at all?
Today I thought I'd give Absolute Radio a go I tuned into Absolute Rock and heard The Quo I didn't think much of it so I pressed “scan” Absolute 80s was playing Duran Duran Finally I found Absolute 90s on my dials Only to be confronted by Robert Miles To be honest after all this … Continue reading 80s & 90s Radio: Absolutely Not What I Was Listening To!
This week I asked two Brits, one Brexiteer and one Remainer About how they voted in the referendum, they said it was a no-brainer Tarquin said... “The EU is a utopia, it's a beacon of peace And no, I don't care how the EU treated Greece I voted remain because Richard Branson told me to … Continue reading Exit Stage Left Or Brexit Stage Right: What Is The Correct Position?
I think we need to bring back Pink Panther...
The farm I visited today had a couple of unhappy pigs, not because they were being intensively farmed, were living in bad conditions, being fed non-organic swill, and not because they were going to slaughter very soon. Their gripe was about something altogether different. They said that even though they would prefer not to have … Continue reading Gammon: Getting To The Bottom Of Things
The movie Terminator 2: Judgment Day was very prophetic; we now have drones in the sky gunning people down, robots are evolving on a daily basis, and with Google, Alexa, Siri and Cortana, we're moving ever-closer to a Skynet-type artificial intelligence overthrowing the human race. So if James Cameron's film accurately predicted our future demise, … Continue reading Beware Of Dyson’s Creations: Predictions Of Our Future In Terminator 2
Do you know who I saw whilst I was visiting Hammersmith this week? None other than Thomas Hardy! He looked wonderful, some wrinkles but not many for his age. He wasn't wearing his usual tailcoat, double-breasted vest and wing-tip collar... oh no, not a hat or a pair of gloves in sight. In fact he … Continue reading Far From The Maddening Crowd: My Interview With Tom Hardy
Have you ever wondered how the wattage or “watt” rating for speakers is worked out?... Well wonder no more. Back in the 1970s when amplifiers and speakers were becoming louder and louder (a time when volume knobs could be turned all the way to 11) a professor of audiology named Sebastian Soundstein decided to rate … Continue reading Watts: What Are They? The History Of Speaker Wattage
I was so excited this week to meet someone called Kim Kardashian. She was surrounded by photographers and reporters but I managed to get an exclusive. I asked her, “Why are you so famous?”. I think she was taken aback as she didn't reply. She was generally very quiet throughout the interview although I did … Continue reading Kim Kardashian: Behind The Fame
A popular proverb in today's world is “there's no smoke without fire”. People who agree with this adage and who readily use this phrase as justification for unfounded accusations, gathered recently. The group chanted this motto as they marched toward the property of a celebrity who was accused of sexual assault. As the group approached … Continue reading Phony Proverbs: There’s No Smoke Without Fire
Whilst watching breakfast television I'm always intrigued by their health segments and over the last few months I've heard quite a few health-based stories. According to scientists, red wine contains antioxidants and cider contains vitamin C. Research has also found that whiskey aids weight loss and may also help heart health. Cognac which is sometimes … Continue reading What My TV Told Me Today: The Health Benefits Of Alcohol
Who is that fat, white man? There's pictures of him everywhere He has a swag bag, a beard, and long white hair I've heard he rides flying horned creatures but that's probably a lie They say I have to leave him a mince pie but no one can tell me why They say he comes … Continue reading Who’s That Fat Intruder?
If someone asks you when the best Blues music was made, you'll probably say the 1950s. The best Rock And Roll music? The 1960s. The best Heavy Metal music? The 1970s of course. If someone asks you when the best Electronic Dance Music was made, you'll definitely say the late 1980s and early 1990s. The … Continue reading The Skinny Jeans Effect: Proof That Tight Legwear Restricts Creativity In Music
If you don't know, Lean or Purple Drank is a recreational drug, a concoction made by mixing cough syrup containing Codeine and Promethazine with Sprite (and sometimes a hard boiled sweet such as a Jolly Rancher for some extra sweetness). The side effects of Lean include dizziness, blurred vision, nausea, and memory problems. Because of … Continue reading Sipping Lean In 2017: It’s Not A Good Look Being A Codeine Fiend
Harvey Weinstein sitting atop the Hollywood Tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G (plus harassment, sexual assault, and rape, allegedly) Everyone on the lower branches gave him way too many chances They ignored or covered up his unwanted sexual advances This was something actresses had to get used ta All 'cause he was a hot shot producer What that means … Continue reading Harvey Weinstein: Big Pimping
New legislation has come into effect today and it will affect all those people who object to women breastfeeding their babies in public places including restaurants and cafes. Starting from today, anybody who complains to members of staff about witnessing breast milk being fed to a baby will also not be allowed to order or … Continue reading Oh Dairy, Dairy Me: New Breastfeeding Solidarity Laws
Jeremy Corbyn will fix everything It's not just me fawning Jeremy Corbyn will sort everything He's gonna reverse global warming Jeremy Corbyn will end hunger, death, and disease He's gonna bring peace to all the middle east Jeremy Corbyn will fix everything I'm not being sycophantic Jeremy Corbyn will save lives From the Pacific to … Continue reading Jeremy Corbyn Will Fix Everything
Have It Your Way... If I really had it my way, I wouldn't put every single one of these restaurants in the worst part of town where I definitely have to use the drive through, making sure my car doors are locked to avoid having to spend the afternoon at the police station looking at … Continue reading Fast Food Slogans: Catchy Tag Lines, Horrible Truth
This week in the Celebrity Clone Lab is ex-sports broadcaster, writer, and conspiracy theorist David Icke. If you don't know, Icke is a clone of singer Engelbert Humperdinck. Just look at the resemblance! Born in Madras, India, Engelbert moved to Leicester, England when he was aged ten and he later became famous when he released … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: David Icke And Engelbert Humperdinck
This week I am looking into the phenomenon that is The Queen Bee aka Beyonce. Beyonce is a lady who thinks she is a bee, but to be honest she is greatly lacking in “bee qualities" in my estimation: Firstly, she doesn't have a hive, and although she is capable of giving birth to multiple … Continue reading Beyoncé: To Bee Or Not To Bee?
An eclipse, like the one occurring today, always draws in large crowds. People seem to marvel at the rare sight of the sun being obscured by the moon or the moon moving behind the earth's shadow. But, when you're gazing at this natural wonder today, spare a thought for all the lycanthropes out there. Since … Continue reading An Eclipse: Fun For Humans, Not So Fun For Werewolves