It's not just my mate, my mucker, mi old fella mi lad B.I./O.S. who comes up with adverts, I have a marvelous idea for an ad too! This one features actor Tilda Swinton, who thanks to her name, can advertise either Tilda Rice or Swinton Insurance. I assume that since Tilda Swinton played an Asian … Continue reading Like White On Rice: My Idea For A Tilda Rice Advert
Celebrity Clone Lab: Jess Conrad And Tom Cruise
In 1961, Jess Conrad went through an existential crisis and this was exhibited in his song “Why Am I Living?”. It was during this time that his DNA was swabbed so a more reliable clone could be created, a clone who was “born” in 1962.
The Incredible Casting Crew: John Malkovich In One Foot In The Grave Reboot
In our latest Incredible Casting Crew segment, we have another fantastic pitch to the entertainment industry. This time it's a reboot of the classic 90's sitcom One Foot In The Grave starring none other than John Malkovich! Picture it: a grumpy Victor Meldrew played with the same dark, monotone voice of Cyrus The Virus from … Continue reading The Incredible Casting Crew: John Malkovich In One Foot In The Grave Reboot
Celebrity Clone Lab: Yungblud And Fairuza Balk
This week in the Celebrity Clone Lab is singer YUNGBLUD (real name Dominic Richard Harrison) and actor Fairuza Balk. Just look at the resemblance! Fairuza Balk starred in the film The Craft in which four outcast teens took part in rituals and cast various spells after becoming interested in witchcraft. Aside from the love spells … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Yungblud And Fairuza Balk
Greenlit: Two More Artist Biopics Starring Timothy Spall
After a couple of films in which Timothy Spall played artists J.M.W. Turner and L.S. Lowry, the question remains: will Tim play any more daubers of paint? Will he portray any more makers of assorted objet d'art? The answer is: of course he will! Spall is now set to play the mysterious graffiti artist Banksy … Continue reading Greenlit: Two More Artist Biopics Starring Timothy Spall
Celebrity Clone Lab: Azealia Banks And William Jackson Harper
If you've ever thought to yourself "what happens when a clone is dropped on its head?", we have the answer! William Jackson Harper's clone Azealia Banks was dropped 212 times whist being transported from Dallas, Texas to Harlem, New York. The crucible tongs that held onto Azealia's forehead slipped multiple times due to her being … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Azealia Banks And William Jackson Harper
Celebrity Clone Lab: Imogen Poots And Helen Mirren
You can't keep the truth buried for long folks! We're almost, nearly, sort of, certain that there's a Top Secret Celebrity Clone Lab somewhere in the Queen Charlotte's And Chelsea Hospital in Hammersmith, London. Why do we think that? Well, this is where two of the most famous Hammersmith celebrities were created... or as the … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Imogen Poots And Helen Mirren
The Incredible Casting Crew: Keanu Reeves As Richard D. Hall
This week in our Incredible Casting Crew segment is Beyond The Starship, a semi-fictionalised movie about Richard D. Hall, presenter of Richplanet. Keanu Reeves plays the lead role of Rich Hall; he investigates UFO sightings, fabricated terrorism including 9/11, as well as mind control, and hidden history. The problem is, these "conspiracies" are all linked … Continue reading The Incredible Casting Crew: Keanu Reeves As Richard D. Hall
Celebrity Clone Lab: Isabela Moner And Jenna Coleman
Blackpool-born Jenna Coleman is most famous for her work in northern soap opera Emmerdale but what many don't know is that a few years before being cast as Jasmine Thomas, her DNA was sampled and placed in some liquid nitrogen that was cleverly hidden in a jar of Coleman's Mustard. Coleman's genes were supposed to … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Isabela Moner And Jenna Coleman
Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Chris Pine
It's not true what they say: Chris Pine isn't the son of actors Robert Pine and Gwynne Gilford, oh no, he's a hybridised clone! For proof, we ask you to look at Pine's Leonardo DiCaprio-esque eyes and his Brian Thompson-esque jaw, he's so obviously an amalgamation of the two actors. One day during a power … Continue reading Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Chris Pine
The Incredible Casting Crew: Bella Thorne In A Tiffany Darwish Biopic
Here at Oddball Times we don't sit on our laurels. We've created another brand-spanking new segment for you to enjoy called "The Incredible Casting Crew". In this section, we will prove to Hollywood that we're the world's greatest casting directors (and the best Photoshoppers on the planet)! Our first pitch to the film industry is … Continue reading The Incredible Casting Crew: Bella Thorne In A Tiffany Darwish Biopic
Celebrity Clone Lab: Sylvester Stallone And Rock Hudson
Over the years, The Celebrity Clone Lab have created 26 clones of Rock Hudson, the first was code-named “Rock-A” and the last one “Rock-Z”. It was however, the 25th clone “Rock-Y” that was the most successful and he also made it as a Hollywood actor. Given his success, Rock-Y was then nicknamed “Sylvester The Clone” … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Sylvester Stallone And Rock Hudson
Celebrity Clone Lab: Jeff Bezos And Peter Safran
Way before Amazon existed, there was a mail order store called Congo owned and operated by the Celebrity Clone Lab who were located in a classified rainforest laboratory at the time. In the Congo, there was a fantastic gene recommendation system which was developed to sort all the celeb clones and if you know where … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Jeff Bezos And Peter Safran
Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Leslie Parrish
Leslie Parrish, who starred in the original Manchurian Candidate was made by splicing the genes of Lena Heady and Margot Robbie. I bet you didn't know that! Quite unexpectedly, Leslie Parrish turned out much better than her progenitors; she was an activist and environmentalist, she fought against the Vietnam War and for civil rights, she … Continue reading Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Leslie Parrish
Acting Is Acting And Actors Are Actors: A Guide To Hollywood Casting For Minorities
For all those who defend mainstream Hollywood casting decisions that favour straight, white, male actors (people usually heard yelling "it's an actor's job is to play somebody they're not" or "an actor should be allowed to play any character") here's a handy little guide for you to peruse... Can a white male actor play a … Continue reading Acting Is Acting And Actors Are Actors: A Guide To Hollywood Casting For Minorities
Celebrity Clone Lab: Daisy Ridley And Rhys James
This week in the Celebrity Clone Lab is actor Daisy Ridley. If you don't already know, she's the clone of comedian Rhys James. Now of course, the mainstream media will tell you that Daisy Ridley is a descendant of landed gentry, the great-niece of a Dad's Army actor, and the daughter of a banker and … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Daisy Ridley And Rhys James
Greenlit: A Big-Budget Andy Serkis Biopic
The life of Andy Serkis is to be told as a big-budget Hollywood movie sources tell us. The story of a young lad from Ruislip Manor going on to college, studying theatre and eventually becoming the foremost Motion Capture performer, has been green-lit for production. Studio executives have said that because of the popularity of … Continue reading Greenlit: A Big-Budget Andy Serkis Biopic
Beware Of Dyson’s Creations: Predictions Of Our Future In Terminator 2
The movie Terminator 2: Judgment Day was very prophetic; we now have drones in the sky gunning people down, robots are evolving on a daily basis, and with Google, Alexa, Siri and Cortana, we're moving ever-closer to a Skynet-type artificial intelligence overthrowing the human race. So if James Cameron's film accurately predicted our future demise, … Continue reading Beware Of Dyson’s Creations: Predictions Of Our Future In Terminator 2
Celebrity Clone Lab: Salman Rushdie And Stanley Kubrick
This week on Celebrity Clone Lab it's author Salman Rushdie. If you don't already know, he's the clone of filmmaker Stanley Kubrick, just look at the resemblance! Sal and Stan are known for their controversial art; Salman for his book The Satanic Protocols and Stanley for his masterful direction of the moon landings. Another controversial … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Salman Rushdie And Stanley Kubrick
Harvey Weinstein: Big Pimping
Harvey Weinstein sitting atop the Hollywood Tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G (plus harassment, sexual assault, and rape, allegedly) Everyone on the lower branches gave him way too many chances They ignored or covered up his unwanted sexual advances This was something actresses had to get used ta All 'cause he was a hot shot producer What that means … Continue reading Harvey Weinstein: Big Pimping
Bill Gates: Control, Alt, Delete
Hey Bill, I have a brilliant idea and I'm sure you'll be thrilled to hear it. I listened avidly to your speeches supporting eugenics and global depopulation. Firstly I had to look up the word “Philanthropic” because I thought it meant something quite different. You say the world is growing in population and your vaccines … Continue reading Bill Gates: Control, Alt, Delete
Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Michael Douglas
Now and again, we at Oddball Times enjoy letting you the reader, into the inner-workings of the entertainment business. In our brand-spanking-new Celebrity Gene Splicing segment, we're going to tell you how you're favourite stars are made. Now you may think celebrities are made the old-fashioned way, but you're wrong. Instead, Hollywood fuses the genes … Continue reading Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Michael Douglas
