What happens when you splice together the genes of a presenter and “singer” with an actor? The answer is you get a drunken law student who wanted to be famous! Gerard Butler has played Atilla The Hun, the Transylvanian Dracula, a Greek Spartan King, and the Egyptian god of the desert because he’s just that varied a performer, and of course, he has the super … Continue reading Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Gerard Butler
The signs that a celebrity is a clone are obvious, you don’t need a sixth sense to see it… Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: M. Night Shyamalan And Spike Lee
Remember Tom Cruise in American Made? He played real-life cocaine smuggler Barry Seal as a lovable anti-hero. Since Hollywood likes to turn illegalities into entertainment, how about a similar film about Jeffrey Epstein? Continue reading The Incredible Casting Crew: Chris Messina As Jeffrey Epstein
Celebrity gene splicing is very much like making perfume; you need to add a teeny-weeny bit of something unpleasant to make something pleasant. Case in point: actor Richard Jordan. He was created… Continue reading Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Richard Jordan
This time around in our Incredible Casting Crew segment is a biopic about Deee-Lite’s Lady Miss Kier… Continue reading The Incredible Casting Crew: Elizabeth Banks As Lady Miss Kier
It might be time travel, it might be time inversion, or maybe it’s leaping through spacetime… Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Elizabeth Debicki And Caroline Goodall
This time in our Incredible Casting Crew segment is a film called “Turned Out Nice Again”, a nine-hour, 4:3 aspect ratio, black and white musical biopic about George Formby played entirely on the ukulele. Russell Howard, who would travel chronologically and in real time through each of Formby’s films, needs to brush-up on the tiny stringed instrument so we can get this made in time … Continue reading The Incredible Casting Crew: Russell Howard As George Formby
This week in our Incredible Casting Crew segment is a movie called “Some Time In New York City”. This film is all about the last days of John Lennon’s life but there’s an added twist: there’s a love triangle between John (played by Daniel Radcliffe) his wife Yoko Ono (played by Rinko Kikuchi) and John’s assassin Mark Chapman (played by K. Trevor Wilson). Audience members … Continue reading The Incredible Casting Crew: Daniel Radcliffe As John Lennon
This week in our Incredible Casting Crew segment is a film about Greta Thunberg starring Mia Wasikowska. Instead of your bog-standard biopic, our movie will be a Jason Bourne-style action thriller with Greta … Continue reading The Incredible Casting Crew: Mia Wasikowska As Greta Thunberg
I have a marvellous idea for an ad! This one features actor Tilda Swinton, who thanks to her name, can advertise either Tilda Rice or Swinton Insurance. I assume that since Tilda Swinton played an Asian comic book hero named “The Ancient One” in Marvel’s Doctor Strange, she’ll prefer to put her name to the former, and given that Marvel Studios and writer-director Scott Derrickson … Continue reading Like White On Rice: My Idea For A Tilda Rice Advert
In 1961, Jess Conrad went through an existential crisis and this was exhibited in his song “Why Am I Living?”. It was during this time that his DNA was swabbed so a more reliable clone could be created, a clone who was “born” in 1962. Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Jess Conrad And Tom Cruise
In our latest Incredible Casting Crew segment, we have another fantastic pitch to the entertainment industry. This time it’s a reboot of the classic 90’s sitcom One Foot In The Grave starring none other than John Malkovich! Picture it: a grumpy Victor Meldrew played with the same dark, monotone voice of Cyrus The Virus from Con Air or Mitch Leary from In The Line Of … Continue reading The Incredible Casting Crew: John Malkovich In One Foot In The Grave Reboot
This week in the Celebrity Clone Lab is singer YUNGBLUD (real name Dominic Richard Harrison) and actor Fairuza Balk. Just look at the resemblance! Fairuza Balk starred in the film The Craft in which four outcast teens took part in rituals and cast various spells after becoming interested in witchcraft. Aside from the love spells and the hair-loss spells, one deleted scene featured Balk’s character … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Yungblud And Fairuza Balk
After a couple of films in which Timothy Spall played artists J.M.W. Turner and L.S. Lowry, the question remains: will Tim play any more daubers of paint? Will he portray any more makers of assorted objet d’art? The answer is: of course he will! Spall is now set to play the mysterious graffiti artist Banksy and tapestry and vase creator Grayson Perry. Oh, how the … Continue reading Greenlit: Two More Artist Biopics Starring Timothy Spall
If you’ve ever thought to yourself “what happens when a clone is dropped on its head?”, we have the answer! William Jackson Harper’s clone Azealia Banks was dropped 212 times whist being transported from Dallas, Texas to Harlem, New York. The crucible tongs that held onto Azealia’s forehead slipped multiple times due to her being so slimy and that’s probably the reason for her peculiar … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Azealia Banks And William Jackson Harper
You can’t keep the truth buried for long folks! We’re almost, nearly, sort of, certain that there’s a Top Secret Celebrity Clone Lab somewhere in the Queen Charlotte’s And Chelsea Hospital in Hammersmith, London. Why do we think that? Well, this is where two of the most famous Hammersmith celebrities were created… or as the official sources say: born. Helen Mirren (actor) was born at … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Imogen Poots And Helen Mirren
This week in our Incredible Casting Crew segment is Beyond The Starship, a semi-fictionalised movie about Richard D. Hall, presenter of Richplanet. Keanu Reeves plays the lead role of Rich Hall; he investigates UFO sightings, fabricated terrorism including 9/11, as well as mind control, and hidden history. The problem is, these “conspiracies” are all linked and anyone who exposes the truth is at risk of … Continue reading The Incredible Casting Crew: Keanu Reeves As Richard D. Hall
Blackpool-born Jenna Coleman is most famous for her work in northern soap opera Emmerdale but what many don’t know is that a few years before being cast as Jasmine Thomas, her DNA was sampled and placed in some liquid nitrogen that was cleverly hidden in a jar of Coleman’s Mustard. Coleman’s genes were supposed to be handed over to a Celebrity Clone Lab scientist at … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Isabela Moner And Jenna Coleman
It’s not true what they say: Chris Pine isn’t the son of actors Robert Pine and Gwynne Gilford, oh no, he’s a hybridised clone! For proof, we ask you to look at Pine’s Leonardo DiCaprio-esque eyes and his Brian Thompson-esque jaw, he’s so obviously an amalgamation of the two actors. One day during a power blackout, the DNA of Thompson (star of The Terminator and … Continue reading Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Chris Pine
Here at Oddball Times we don’t sit on our laurels. We’ve created another brand-spanking new segment for you to enjoy called “The Incredible Casting Crew“. In this section, we will prove to Hollywood that we’re the world’s greatest casting directors (and the best Photoshoppers on the planet)! Our first pitch to the film industry is a biopic about Tiffany, the ’80s teen singer. The movie … Continue reading The Incredible Casting Crew: Bella Thorne In A Tiffany Darwish Biopic
Over the years, The Celebrity Clone Lab have created 26 clones of Rock Hudson, the first was code-named “Rock-A” and the last one “Rock-Z”. It was however, the 25th clone “Rock-Y” that was the most successful and he also made it as a Hollywood actor. Given his success, Rock-Y was then nicknamed “Sylvester The Clone” (after his favourite cartoon show which he watched whilst gestating … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Sylvester Stallone And Rock Hudson
Way before Amazon existed, there was a mail order store called Congo owned and operated by the Celebrity Clone Lab who were located in a classified rainforest laboratory at the time. In the Congo, there was a fantastic gene recommendation system which was developed to sort all the celeb clones and if you know where to look, you can still find remnants of this directory … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Jeff Bezos And Peter Safran
Leslie Parrish, who starred in the original Manchurian Candidate was made by splicing the genes of Lena Heady and Margot Robbie. I bet you didn’t know that! Quite unexpectedly, Leslie Parrish turned out much better than her progenitors; she was an activist and environmentalist, she fought against the Vietnam War and for civil rights, she created a television station that pre-empted C-SPAN, she built a … Continue reading Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Leslie Parrish
For all those who defend mainstream Hollywood casting decisions that favour straight, white, male actors (people usually heard yelling “it’s an actor’s job is to play somebody they’re not” or “an actor should be allowed to play any character”) here’s a handy little guide for you to peruse… Can a white male actor play a white male role? Yes. Can a white male actor play … Continue reading Acting Is Acting And Actors Are Actors: A Guide To Hollywood Casting For Minorities
This week in the Celebrity Clone Lab is actor Daisy Ridley. If you don’t already know, she’s the clone of comedian Rhys James. Now of course, the mainstream media will tell you that Daisy Ridley is a descendant of landed gentry, the great-niece of a Dad’s Army actor, and the daughter of a banker and a photographer but all that’s a lie. The truth is … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Daisy Ridley And Rhys James
The life of Andy Serkis is to be told as a big-budget Hollywood movie sources tell us. The story of a young lad from Ruislip Manor going on to college, studying theatre and eventually becoming the foremost Motion Capture performer, has been green-lit for production. Studio executives have said that because of the popularity of CGI films and Motion-Capture performances, Serkis’ biopic will be entirely … Continue reading Greenlit: A Big-Budget Andy Serkis Biopic
The movie Terminator 2: Judgment Day was very prophetic; we now have drones in the sky gunning people down, robots are evolving on a daily basis, and with Google, Alexa, Siri and Cortana, we’re moving ever-closer to a Skynet-type artificial intelligence overthrowing the human race. So if James Cameron’s film accurately predicted our future demise, the question remains: who will usher in this imminent human … Continue reading Beware Of Dyson’s Creations: Predictions Of Our Future In Terminator 2
This week on Celebrity Clone Lab it’s author Salman Rushdie. If you don’t already know, he’s the clone of filmmaker Stanley Kubrick, just look at the resemblance! Sal and Stan are known for their controversial art; Salman for his book The Satanic Protocols and Stanley for his masterful direction of the moon landings. Another controversial subject surrounding this pair is the fatwa on Rushdie’s head … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Salman Rushdie And Stanley Kubrick
Harvey Weinstein sitting atop the Hollywood Tree K-I-S-S-I-N-G (plus harassment, sexual assault, and rape, allegedly) Everyone on the lower branches gave him way too many chances They ignored or covered up his unwanted sexual advances This was something actresses had to get used ta All ’cause he was a hot shot producer What that means folks, is he had the power To fill the cinema … Continue reading Harvey Weinstein: Big Pimping
Hey Bill, I have a brilliant idea and I’m sure you’ll be thrilled to hear it. I listened avidly to your speeches supporting eugenics and global depopulation. Firstly I had to look up the word “Philanthropic” because I thought it meant something quite different. You say the world is growing in population and your vaccines and sterilisation programs could really depopulate those who, as you … Continue reading Bill Gates: Control, Alt, Delete
Now and again, we at Oddball Times enjoy letting you the reader, into the inner-workings of the entertainment business. In our brand-spanking-new Celebrity Gene Splicing segment, we’re going to tell you how your favourite stars are made. Now you may think celebrities are made the old-fashioned way, but you’re wrong. Instead, Hollywood fuses the genes of already famous people within these patent pending time-travelling splice … Continue reading Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Michael Douglas
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