A cartoon of an angry pot shouting "black"

Outdated Idioms: Pot Calling The Kettle Black

Look out folks! There’s a racist sentient cooking pot lurking about somewhere, a pot who gets off on bullying kettles. In this pot’s outdated mind, being “black” is apparently a bad thing, but wait, reports are coming in that this pot is itself black! What a nerve. So that means it’s a self-hating, sentient cooking pot who teases kettles, kettles which are mostly stainless steel … Continue reading Outdated Idioms: Pot Calling The Kettle Black

A cartoon of office cubicles with happy workers

Covid Schmovid: Getting Back To The Old Normal

Come on now, all you hesitant people, why are you all scared of getting the COVID vaccine? I’m raring to get out of my house and back to my 2 hour commute to work. I can’t wait not to tell a waiter that my salad had a hair in it and that the glass had the last customer’s lipstick on it. I’m chomping at the … Continue reading Covid Schmovid: Getting Back To The Old Normal

A cartoon of a syringe going through the heads and ears of black and minority ethnic people

This Time It’ll Be Okay: Wham BAME Thank You Fam

I watched the COVID public service announcement on TV for the B.A.M.E. community eagerly. Well blow me, there’s nothing like forgetting the Tuskegee Syphilis Experiment after Beverley Knight tells us “all we have to do is just take the vaccine”. They assured us that the COVID vaccine has gone through as many “strict process and regulations as other vaccines like measles, mumps, rubella and TB”…well … Continue reading This Time It’ll Be Okay: Wham BAME Thank You Fam

Will Downing hiding behind a music stand. By Oddball Times

Behind The Lyrics: A Love Supreme By Will Downing

I bet you didn’t know that “A Love Supreme” by Will Downing is an ode to his favourite pizza; The Supreme… pepperoni, sausage, bell peppers, onions, olives… mmm, we’re surprised a song hadn’t been written about this slice of culinary heaven much earlier! Click the YouTube video below and listen to Will serenade the pizza delivery guy bringing his favourite deep pan delight, recalling all … Continue reading Behind The Lyrics: A Love Supreme By Will Downing

A cartoon of a Petri dish with Chris Farley and James Corden inside. By Oddball Times

Celebrity Clone Lab: James Corden And Chris Farley

Some people have twigged that James Corden is a clone of Chris Farley, especially when they realise Corden’s career began just when Farley died… how very convenient. What’s disappointing about this particular clone is that whether starring in a Tango advert or Gavin & Stacey, James isn’t very funny. Maybe the folk at CBS thought there’d be some residual personality left from Chris’ DNA or … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: James Corden And Chris Farley

Brenda Lee hiding behind a music stand. By Oddball Times

Behind The Lyrics: Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree By Brenda Lee

Christmas is a very stressful time; cooking the Turkey and preparing all the trimmings, and getting the timing just right so that everything is ready all at the same time. That’s probably why writer Johnny Marks and singer Brenda Lee included the lyric “later we’ll have some fucking pie!” in their Christmas song “Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree”. Take a listen to the song below … Continue reading Behind The Lyrics: Rockin’ Around The Christmas Tree By Brenda Lee

Coronavirus wearing santa hats alongside oranges with cloves in them

Looking Closely At The Coronavirus: Why Christmas Rules Are So Different

After hearing the recent news about Xmas 2020 celebrations here in the UK, you might be thinking to yourself “why is the government allowing a three-house bubble during Christmas?”. Hindus, Muslims, Sikhs and Jews didn’t get to extend their “bubble” during their festivals so what’s so special about this Christian holiday? With the Coronavirus in full infectious swing, what’s going to stop our family and … Continue reading Looking Closely At The Coronavirus: Why Christmas Rules Are So Different

Christmas stockings with Coronavirus related gifts in them

Have A Merry COVID Christmas And A Happy New Vaccinated Year!

Christmas is always an exciting time and this year will be one of a kind. You’ve had a smashing year so far with five months off school. Even when you’ve had to go back, you can sit on your own instead of sharing with some dickhead your mum paired you up with when you were 2 and he’s now stuck to you like shit to … Continue reading Have A Merry COVID Christmas And A Happy New Vaccinated Year!

A cartoon image of three trick or treaters holding buckets and antibacterial wipes

Tales From The Creepy COVID Crypt: A 2020 Halloween Special

What will you be doing this Halloween? You can’t go out with your 5 friends to trick or treat your neighbours, unless you live in a group home. You’ll have to go on your own or walk 2 metres away from your friend like a depressing zombie movie. At least you can throw toilet rolls and eggs at your neighbours, but they will probably open … Continue reading Tales From The Creepy COVID Crypt: A 2020 Halloween Special

A cartoon of a Petri dish with Sergio Calderon and Steve Wozniak inside. By Oddball Times

Celebrity Clone Lab: Steve Wozniak And Sergio Calderón

One thing you’ll never hear at an Apple Event is how the company is secretly involved in cloning. It’s obvious to most people that Apple co-founder Steve Wozniak is a clone of actor Sergio Calderón and yet nobody, not even current CEO Tim Cook (who, by the way is also a clone) will ever mention it on stage. This is very strange because Apple has … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Steve Wozniak And Sergio Calderón

A cartoon of three pods with Anderson Cooper, Doctor Anthony Fauci, and Abby McEnany's heads in them. By Oddball Times

Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Abby McEnany

There’s a team of geneticists, working in partnership with the Central Intelligence Agency and New York Presbyterian/Weill Cornell Medicine who travel between Virginia and New York in a nut-powered underground monorail. How do we know all this? Because Anderson Cooper was an intern at the C.I.A. and Dr. Anthony Fauci interned at the New York Hospital-Cornell Medical Center. This pair’s DNA went on to create … Continue reading Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Abby McEnany

A cartoon of a Petri dish with Michael Cohen and Jim Van Bebber inside. By Oddball Times

Celebrity Clone Lab: Jim Van Bebber And Michael Cohen

A little known fact is that most geneticists are fans and collectors of micro-budget 80’s action movies. We’re not talking Chuck Norris or Michael Dudikoff, oh no, these scientists have a very niche taste, and it can only be fulfilled with the cheapest, most underground films. This fanaticism sometimes leaks into their work. Proof of this comes when you see disgraced lawyer Michael Cohen; he … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Jim Van Bebber And Michael Cohen

A side by side image of Rishi Sunak and Roddy from Flushed Away

He’s Flush: The Source Of Rishi Sunak’s Investments

It’s a five hour drive from Stanford to Glendale, a trip that Rishi Sunak once took whilst attending Stanford University in California. In 2006 just before graduating, he was spotted lurking around outside Dreamworks Animation in Glendale and was immediately cast in Flushed Away as the lead upper class rat “Roddy”. Influenced by his role and clutching a cheque from Aardman, Rishi moved into a … Continue reading He’s Flush: The Source Of Rishi Sunak’s Investments

A cartoon of a Petri dish with Diplo and David Bromstad inside. By Oddball Times

Celebrity Clone Lab: Diplo And David Bromstad

In case you didn’t realise, DJ and producer Diplo aka Thomas Wesley Pentz is the clone of designer and television personality David Reed Bromstad. In the 1970’s, the Celebrity Clone Lab had three laboratories located in Florida; one in Sarasota County, one in Orange County and one in Miami-Dade. We have no idea which lab created which celebrity but the fact that Diplo attended the … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Diplo And David Bromstad

M-22 and Medina hiding behind a music stand. By Oddball Times

Behind The Lyrics: First Time By M-22 And Medina

“First Time” by M-22 and Medina is a very unique pop song because the lyrics involve D.I.Y., a topic seldom found in the charts. The track is from the perspective of a couple, one a seasoned renovator and one who’s never undertaken any home improvements. After restoring their old fireplace surround, the newbie becomes hooked on D.I.Y. and sings… “You, got me feeling something it’s … Continue reading Behind The Lyrics: First Time By M-22 And Medina

A cartoon of a Petri dish with Greta Thunberg and Stephen Merchant inside. By Oddball Times

Celebrity Clone Lab: Greta Thunberg And Stephen Merchant

At 6.7 miles high, Stephen James Merchant is the first to feel the effects of air pollution. Stephen Merchant is so tall in fact, that he can personally observe the hole in the ozone layer! Fearing that rising greenhouse gas emissions may adversely effect Merchant’s nostrils and eventually his noggin, the Celebrity Clone Lab took a sample of his DNA during the writing of the … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Greta Thunberg And Stephen Merchant

An advert for Tilda Rice with Tilda Swinton as The Ancient One from Doctor Strange. By Oddball Times

Like White On Rice: My Idea For A Tilda Rice Advert

It’s not just my mate, my mucker, mi old fella mi lad B.I./O.S. who comes up with adverts, I have a marvelous idea for an ad too! This one features actor Tilda Swinton, who thanks to her name, can advertise either Tilda Rice or Swinton Insurance. I assume that since Tilda Swinton played an Asian comic book hero named “The Ancient One” in Marvel’s Doctor … Continue reading Like White On Rice: My Idea For A Tilda Rice Advert

Weiss aka Richard Dinsdale hiding behind a music stand. By Oddball Times

Behind The Lyrics: Feel My Needs (Turn Around) By Weiss

“Feel My Needs”, we’re sure you’ll agree, is a very unique song. The track is all about someone visiting an orthopaedic specialist because they think something’s wrong… with their knees of course. The doctor however, sees an issue in the popliteal fossa (the back of the knees). Listen to the song once more and you’ll hear the patient say “feel my knees” to which the … Continue reading Behind The Lyrics: Feel My Needs (Turn Around) By Weiss

A cartoon of a Petri dish with Tucker Carlson and Ed Conway inside. By Oddball Times

Celebrity Clone Lab: Tucker Carlson And Ed Conway

This week in the Celebrity Clone Lab is Fox News talk show host Tucker Carlson. In case you didn’t know, his clone Ed Conway works at Sky News as an Economics Editor. Tucker is a typical Fox News presenter; racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic and anti-immigration. Thank heavens that his clone Ed Conway is only concerned with the colour of your money. Both were incubated in … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Tucker Carlson And Ed Conway

Gala aka Gala Rizzatto hiding behind a music stand. By Oddball Times

Behind The Lyrics: Freed From Desire By Gala

Gala’s 1996 pop song “Freed From Desire” was a big hit but many people, still to this day, are confused by its meaning. In case you don’t remember it, let us refresh your memory. The chorus contained these catchy lyrics: “My lover’s got no money, he’s got his Trumbalese”. But what’s a Trumbalese we hear you ask? Well The Trumbalese (sometimes misspelled Trombolyse) was a … Continue reading Behind The Lyrics: Freed From Desire By Gala

A heist blueprint involving stealing keys

The Key Cutting Caper: How Key Workers Ruined My Pandemic Pilferage

Having read the government’s statement about certain people being asked to continue working whilst the rest of us stay at home (due to this pesky joint US/Chinese lab-rat-bat virus pandemic) I felt very happy. Without divulging my methods, I recently “happened upon” my neighbour’s shed key in order to “borrow” his lawnmower and so I used my one-hour allocated exercise period to take it to … Continue reading The Key Cutting Caper: How Key Workers Ruined My Pandemic Pilferage