Who’d have thought that Bruno Mars would vacation in Scotland? Continue reading Behind The Lyrics: Finesse By Bruno Mars
We have a couple of years to wait for the final season of Stranger Things, but in the meantime we can console ourselves with the fact that there’ll be a spin-off show. But what will that look like you ask? Forget what Finn Wolfhard supposedly guessed, here’s our very own amazing set of ideas, and if any of them get made, we want credit and … Continue reading Stranger Things Spin-Offs: Pitching From The Upside Down
Is actor Kim Bodnia a clone of the late footballer George Best? Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Kim Bodnia And George Best
After wandering around my local household waste recycling centre, I found two damaged clocks… Continue reading Phony Proverbs: Even A Broken Clock Is Right Twice A Day
I’ve been watching comedian Volodymyr Zelenskyy on television recently… Continue reading Volodymyr Zelenskyy: Comedy Genius?
Royalists and Brits who enjoy a day off work will joyously gather in the streets in droves to celebrate a once in a lifetime event! Continue reading OMG This Is The Only Jubilee Clip You’ll Ever Need To See!
If you’ve ever asked the question “what happens when you splice together the genes of two clones?” (and I’m sure many of you have) we might finally have the answer! We’ve made enquiries and we’re only aware of one such occasion when this totally awesome experiment was carried out. If you take a gander at Hollywood clones Spike Lee and M. Night Shyamalan, when their … Continue reading Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Jon Secada
If you’re a fan of the film Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure (and if you’re not you should be), you’ve probably mouthed the song “Not So Far Away” by former Styx member Glen Burtnik. But is that what Glen’s really singing? We’re not so sure, it sounds more like “Your nuts are far away”. Maybe this song is about an old man whose testis have … Continue reading Behind The Lyrics: Not So Far Away By Glen Burtnik
Who was it who said “a watched pot never boils”? I stared intently at a pot of water over a stove and lo and behold, it started boiling at the ten minute mark. The boiling time will, of course, depend on the material and thickness of the pot, and the level of heat has its part to play too. I’ll also state for the record, … Continue reading Phony Proverbs: A Watched Pot Never Boils
Was there a Top-Secret cloning programme going on during World War II? Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: John Mills And Denholm Elliot
A tell-tale sign that someone is a clone is a similar origin story. Take Squid Game actor Heo Sung-tae, who before acting entered a talent show contest and came fifth. This is very much like his progenitor Diana Dors, an actor who came third in a beauty contest. Add that to the fact that both Dors and Sung-tae are born three days apart in October … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Heo Sung-tae And Diana Dors
If someone told Conservative Home Secretary, immigration inquisitor and border bully Priti Patel that she looks like actress… Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Priti Patel And Joni Flynn
What happens when you splice together the genes of a presenter and “singer” with an actor? The answer is you get a drunken law student who wanted to be famous! Gerard Butler has played Atilla The Hun, the Transylvanian Dracula, a Greek Spartan King, and the Egyptian god of the desert because he’s just that varied a performer, and of course, he has the super … Continue reading Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Gerard Butler
BBQ season is well and truly over but I’ll be honest with you folks, I wasn’t overwhelmed by the level of taste in the condiments on offer, in particular mayonnaise. I’ve decided that next year I’ll stun my friends by holding a BBQ with the ultimate mayo! My plan was to go to the best minds in this field and get them to prepare the … Continue reading Ayo Mayo Clinic: Word On The Street Is You Got The World’s Greatest Mayonnaise
Do you remember 9/11? It’s called “911” because that’s the day that four Porsche 911’s struck four US car dealerships. But do you remember the United States’ response? They declared war on BMW and Audi! They told everyone that Audi was “harbouring mechanics” and that the CEO of BMW was making “engines of mass destruction”. Even though there was no connection between Porsche, Audi, and … Continue reading Remembering 9/11: What Happened And Why?
Stomach cramps and pre-menstrual tension apparently aren’t a problem for Post Malone, who in his song “Motley Crew” tells us he gets “the calmest periods”. Post lets the listener into his trick to getting a light menstruation, and apparently it’s down to wearing an old-fashioned sanitary belt and resting in an up-market Las Vegas hotel whilst covered in ice cubes. Posty sings “Count up the … Continue reading Behind The Lyrics: Motley Crew By Post Malone
It really amazes me how I come up with my ideas, and no, I’m not just about words sounding the same, I get excited about things sounding the same as well – it’s blooming hilarous! Today’s idea is a sequel to the Taken franchise with an all-important product tie-in, which of course has to be a Porsche Taycan. The film will be called “Taken 4: … Continue reading Tie-In Product Idea: Taken 4 Starring Liam Neeson And The Porsche Taycan
As always, the Government is right! COVID’s everywhere… so be aware. I found one COVID virus waiting idly by a tree, probably waiting to pounce on a passer by (It’s bigger than on TV). Being an investigative reporter I had to ask it some questions. With my Mic 2 metres away and mask fully on, I asked it why it was so eager to get … Continue reading The Coronavirus Is Still Out There: We’re Not Even Safe In Our Streets!
The signs that a celebrity is a clone are obvious, you don’t need a sixth sense to see it… Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: M. Night Shyamalan And Spike Lee
Freedom Day didn’t happen on 21st June, it was delayed until 19th July, but never mind. With a week to go, I can’t wait for all the freedom we’ll be given: Free to walk without the 2 metre restriction Free to keep my hands filthy Free to slap the helmet off a policeman Free to burgle my local bank Free to rape, kill, commit mass … Continue reading Freedom Day: Not To Be Confused With Actual Freedom
Remember Tom Cruise in American Made? He played real-life cocaine smuggler Barry Seal as a lovable anti-hero. Since Hollywood likes to turn illegalities into entertainment, how about a similar film about Jeffrey Epstein? Continue reading The Incredible Casting Crew: Chris Messina As Jeffrey Epstein
I bet you didn’t know that making a clone out of a clone is relatively quick. According to the film Multiplicity it’s like photocopying a photocopy which is speedy indeed. In their Harrogate laboratory, the Celebrity Clone Lab created Olly Alexander out of the DNA of Imogen Poots who herself is a clone. Produced 13 months after Imogen, the formation of Olly was pretty quick … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Olly Alexander And Imogen Poots
What does it feel like when you’ve got to write a letter or you’ve got to get your watch repaired… in a hurry? Well, according to heavy metal band Anthrax it’s like having a… Continue reading Behind The Lyrics: Got The Time By Anthrax
Celebrity gene splicing is very much like making perfume; you need to add a teeny-weeny bit of something unpleasant to make something pleasant. Case in point: actor Richard Jordan. He was created… Continue reading Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Richard Jordan
Look out folks! There’s a racist sentient cooking pot lurking about somewhere, a pot who gets off on bullying kettles. In this pot’s outdated mind, being “black” is apparently a bad thing, but wait, reports are coming in that this pot is itself black! What a nerve. So that means it’s a self-hating, sentient cooking pot who teases kettles, kettles which are mostly stainless steel … Continue reading Outdated Idioms: Pot Calling The Kettle Black
It might be time travel, it might be time inversion, or maybe it’s leaping through spacetime… Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Elizabeth Debicki And Caroline Goodall
Come on now, all you hesitant people, why are you all scared of getting the COVID vaccine? I’m raring to get out of my house and back to my 2 hour commute to work. I can’t wait not to tell a waiter that my salad had a hair in it and that the glass had the last customer’s lipstick on it. I’m chomping at the … Continue reading Covid Schmovid: Getting Back To The Old Normal
I watched the COVID public service announcement on TV for the B.A.M.E. community eagerly. Well blow me, there’s nothing like forgetting the Tuskegee Syphilis Experiment after Beverley Knight tells us “all we have to do is just take the vaccine”. They assured us that the COVID vaccine has gone through as many “strict process and regulations as other vaccines like measles, mumps, rubella and TB”…well … Continue reading This Time It’ll Be Okay: Wham BAME Thank You Fam
I bet you didn’t know that “A Love Supreme” by Will Downing is an ode to his favourite pizza; The Supreme… pepperoni, sausage, bell peppers, onions, olives… mmm, we’re surprised a song hadn’t been written about this slice of culinary heaven much earlier! Click the YouTube video below and listen to Will serenade the pizza delivery guy bringing his favourite deep pan delight, recalling all … Continue reading Behind The Lyrics: A Love Supreme By Will Downing
AirPods or Earbuds, whatever you want to call them, they’re bloomin’ expensive and prone to misplacement…. Continue reading Hear, Hear: A Budding Advertiser Takes On Wireless Ear Buds
Splicing genes to create a clone can have unexpected results! Continue reading Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Luka Magnotta
Mischievous trickster Loki has only gone and bloomin’ cloned himself! Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Barney Walsh And Tom Hiddleston
If you’re a socialist you might get a sacking but if you’re a Tory you’ll get my backing. Continue reading I Don’t Want Any Drama: The Life And Times Of Keir Starmer