A cartoon of a man yelling "woke" at movie posters

It’s No Joke: White Bloke Says Go Woke Go Broke

From the M-She-U to Get Out, Us and Nope It’s clear Hollywood is going woke I’m white, really straight, a real man’s man So minorities in movies, I really can’t stand   This is a brand new thing, so I’m gonna go back To a time when the clapperboard was the only thing black I’m going back in time and I’m not stopping Back when … Continue reading It’s No Joke: White Bloke Says Go Woke Go Broke

Stranger Things Spin-Offs logo by Oddball Times

Stranger Things Spin-Offs: Pitching From The Upside Down

We have a couple of years to wait for the final season of Stranger Things, but in the meantime we can console ourselves with the fact that there’ll be a spin-off show. But what will that look like you ask? Forget what Finn Wolfhard supposedly guessed, here’s our very own amazing set of ideas, and if any of them get made, we want credit and … Continue reading Stranger Things Spin-Offs: Pitching From The Upside Down

A cartoon of three pods with Jon Secada, M Night Shyamalan, and Spike Lee's heads in them

Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Jon Secada

If you’ve ever asked the question “what happens when you splice together the genes of two clones?” (and I’m sure many of you have) we might finally have the answer! We’ve made enquiries and we’re only aware of one such occasion when this totally awesome experiment was carried out. If you take a gander at Hollywood clones Spike Lee and M. Night Shyamalan, when their … Continue reading Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Jon Secada

Glen Burtnik behind a music stand in a Bill & Ted font

Behind The Lyrics: Not So Far Away By Glen Burtnik

If you’re a fan of the film Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure (and if you’re not you should be), you’ve probably mouthed the song “Not So Far Away” by former Styx member Glen Burtnik. But is that what Glen’s really singing? We’re not so sure, it sounds more like “Your nuts are far away”. Maybe this song is about an old man whose testis have … Continue reading Behind The Lyrics: Not So Far Away By Glen Burtnik

A cartoon of a man watching a pot of water boil

Phony Proverbs: A Watched Pot Never Boils

Who was it who said “a watched pot never boils”? I stared intently at a pot of water over a stove and lo and behold, it started boiling at the ten minute mark. The boiling time will, of course, depend on the material and thickness of the pot, and the level of heat has its part to play too. I’ll also state for the record, … Continue reading Phony Proverbs: A Watched Pot Never Boils

A cartoon of a Petri dish with Diana Dors and Heo Sung-Tae inside. By Oddball Times

Celebrity Clone Lab: Heo Sung-tae And Diana Dors

A tell-tale sign that someone is a clone is a similar origin story. Take Squid Game actor Heo Sung-tae, who before acting entered a talent show contest and came fifth. This is very much like his progenitor Diana Dors, an actor who came third in a beauty contest. Add that to the fact that both Dors and Sung-tae are born three days apart in October … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Heo Sung-tae And Diana Dors

A cartoon of three pods with Gerard Butler, Vincent Reagan, and Nick Knowles' heads in them. By Oddball Times

Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Gerard Butler

What happens when you splice together the genes of a presenter and “singer” with an actor? The answer is you get a drunken law student who wanted to be famous! Gerard Butler has played Atilla The Hun, the Transylvanian Dracula, a Greek Spartan King, and the Egyptian god of the desert because he’s just that varied a performer, and of course, he has the super … Continue reading Celebrity Gene Splicing: How They Made Gerard Butler

A cartoon of someone holding a sandwich in front of the mayo clinic

Ayo Mayo Clinic: Word On The Street Is You Got The World’s Greatest Mayonnaise

BBQ season is well and truly over but I’ll be honest with you folks, I wasn’t overwhelmed by the level of taste in the condiments on offer, in particular mayonnaise. I’ve decided that next year I’ll stun my friends by holding a BBQ with the ultimate mayo! My plan was to go to the best minds in this field and get them to prepare the … Continue reading Ayo Mayo Clinic: Word On The Street Is You Got The World’s Greatest Mayonnaise

A Porsche 911 in the Twin Towers deris after the September 11th attacks

Remembering 9/11: What Happened And Why?

Do you remember 9/11? It’s called “911” because that’s the day that four Porsche 911’s struck four US car dealerships. But do you remember the United States’ response? They declared war on BMW and Audi! They told everyone that Audi was “harbouring mechanics” and that the CEO of BMW was making “engines of mass destruction”. Even though there was no connection between Porsche, Audi, and … Continue reading Remembering 9/11: What Happened And Why?

Post Malone hiding behind a music stand. By Oddball Times

Behind The Lyrics: Motley Crew By Post Malone

Stomach cramps and pre-menstrual tension apparently aren’t a problem for Post Malone, who in his song “Motley Crew” tells us he gets “the calmest periods”. Post lets the listener into his trick to getting a light menstruation, and apparently it’s down to wearing an old-fashioned sanitary belt and resting in an up-market Las Vegas hotel whilst covered in ice cubes. Posty sings “Count up the … Continue reading Behind The Lyrics: Motley Crew By Post Malone

Liam Neeson in Taken 4 standing with a gun in front of a Porsche Taycan

Tie-In Product Idea: Taken 4 Starring Liam Neeson And The Porsche Taycan

It really amazes me how I come up with my ideas, and no, I’m not just about words sounding the same, I get excited about things sounding the same as well – it’s blooming hilarous! Today’s idea is a sequel to the Taken franchise with an all-important product tie-in, which of course has to be a Porsche Taycan. The film will be called “Taken 4: … Continue reading Tie-In Product Idea: Taken 4 Starring Liam Neeson And The Porsche Taycan

An image of a spiky green horse chestnut seed aka conker aka buckeye that looks like a Coronavirus cell

The Coronavirus Is Still Out There: We’re Not Even Safe In Our Streets!

As always, the government is right! COVID’s everywhere… so be aware. I found one COVID virus waiting idly by a horse chestnut tree, probably waiting to pounce on a passer by (It’s bigger than on TV). Being an investigative reporter I had to ask it some questions. With my mic two metres away and mask fully on, I asked it why it was so eager … Continue reading The Coronavirus Is Still Out There: We’re Not Even Safe In Our Streets!

A cartoon illustration of a bird being released but still wearing a mask

Freedom Day: Not To Be Confused With Actual Freedom

Freedom Day didn’t happen on 21st June, it was delayed until 19th July, but never mind. With a week to go, I can’t wait for all the freedom we’ll be given: Free to walk without the 2 metre restriction Free to keep my hands filthy Free to slap the helmet off a policeman Free to burgle my local bank Free to rape, kill, commit mass … Continue reading Freedom Day: Not To Be Confused With Actual Freedom

A cartoon of a Petri dish with Imogen Poots and Olly Alexander inside. By Oddball Times

Celebrity Clone Lab: Olly Alexander And Imogen Poots

I bet you didn’t know that making a clone out of a clone is relatively quick. According to the film Multiplicity it’s like photocopying a photocopy which is speedy indeed. In their Harrogate laboratory, the Celebrity Clone Lab created Olly Alexander out of the DNA of Imogen Poots who herself is a clone. Produced 13 months after Imogen, the formation of Olly was pretty quick … Continue reading Celebrity Clone Lab: Olly Alexander And Imogen Poots